Soooo fed up of having to sleep on thr floor in my toddler’s room

[Beachbooks]

My son is 21 months and used to self settle and sleep 12 hours a night.

Last month he started fighting his nap and waking up at 5am. Everything I read online said not to start their day at that time so I went into his room and laid down on the floor to try and get him to settle again. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t.

Then a week or so later he started kicking off at bedtime and climbing out his cot so we had to take the sides off. Initially he refused to sleep in the bed so has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. He wouldn’t go to sleep unless I was in the room and was waking up at 4 and I was having to go into his room and sleep on the floor again.

This week things have got even worse - he’s taking 90 minutes + to fall sleep no matter what time I put him to bed then waking up a couple of hours later and will not sleep unless I stay in his room. I waited an hour when he woke up at 10 this evening and when I was sure he was asleep I crept out and of course he woke up screaming again.

So I’ve got another night of sleeping on the floor ahead of me.

I’m just sooooo fed up of it, the room is not big enough for another mattress so I’m on a yoga mat which isn’t really any help and I have a bad back anyway and this is making it worse

i don’t even know the point of this thread but I just need to rant as I’m just hating this at the moment and feels like every night is worse than the last. I just don’t know what to do with him.

Life's too short to sleep on the floor. I just get in their bed 😆 Is your toddlers bed an actual single bed? I recommend it.

Sadly I don’t fit into it as it’s a toddler bed and I’m substantially heavier than the weight limit !

Some kids are early risers and start their day at 5 am. You can’t believe everything that you read online (she says online). You just have to accept it and go to bed earlier yourself.

That might solve the bedtime shenanigans.

We had this and we fixed it by doing the following:

1. Conversation with toddler saying: "this isn't working for me anymore, you need to get sleep and so does mummy. From now on I will tuck you into bed, come back and check on you but I will not lay down with you and if you get out of bed you will be put right back."
2. Bedtime routine: get ready, read one book, cuddle for three minutes and give a kiss goodnight. Tell them "I will come back and check on you in three minutes."
3. Go back in three minutes, give a kiss and say "I will come back in five minutes"
4. Repeat. Child eventually falls asleep.
5. The big thing is, no answering questions, keep everything boring so no real engagement. If they get out of bed you say "its time for sleep" and walk them right back. No other talking and no other attention.

Its hard but you have to just stick to a plan. We also introduced the Yoto player and this made them also want to stay in bed to listen to the stories playing.

In hindsight a 5am wake up was preferable to the situation we are in now ! I think by ‘sleeping’ in his room for an hour at 5am I’ve made him feel like he needs me to sleep

Thank you, I will try this tomorrow. He can’t talk proper yet so thankfully don’t have the endless questions stage.

I have tried reusing our sleep training from when he was a baby and going in every 3 minutes but he started banging his head against the wall so felt like I had to give in

It's unfortunate with kids, but I've found you shouldn't do anything once that you aren't prepared to do everyday for the next few years.

I would just stop OP, if he cries, he cries. There's no way I could sleep even a minute on a yoga mat on the floor, there's no way you can keep this up.

Could you maybe share what his day and night looks like in terms of sleep? Wake time, nap time and length, and bedtime? Kindly, it may be that his schedule is off and you are aiming for too much sleep compared to sleep tank and so the sleep pressure isn’t quite right

Take him in your bed? I always advocate the path of least resistance for sleep issues!

If he's fighting his nap, drop it and go for an earlier bedtime. My daughter was like this at about the same age. With a nap she would only be tired enough to complain about bedtime but not tired enough to drop off.

It was horrible for all parties as she just got hysterical and I spent all my evenings in a darkened room trying not to hit squeaky floorboards to escape.

Speaking of light, what about blackouts?

Agree. Just don’t do it. It’s up to you to accept it or not.

@YellowDaffodil25 to be honest it’s all over the place at the moment - I used to be so regimented with it but I’ve just totally lost my way as everything I try gives a worse result.

He would usually wakes up about 630 but tbh it’s been all over the place recently as when he’s waking at 4 he is taking ages to go back to sleep. He naps for about 45 minutes at 12 and then goes to bed at 7. But tonight he didn’t go to sleep until about 830 as every time I thought he was asleep he would stir.

I have tried dropping the nap but he was literally falling asleep having his lunch so I just chopped it down.

@TowerOfWashing I’m a really heavy sleeper and worried I’ll squash him in my bed

We have blackout blinds & white noise - it’s definitely not his sleep environment x

I know it might be a pain, but track sleep for a week using pen and paper or an app like Huckleberry. Log actual sleep time. Take a 24 hours average over the 7 days. This is his sleep tank. It’s not a range, it’s an exact number. Distribute sleep between day and night (you want to aim for a 10 hr night as a minimum). Decide your desired wake time, and work backwards to work out bedtime should be. Stick with a consistent wake up time each morning, irrespective of how the previous day and night have been - e.g. for a 6am desired wake time, even if they went to bed late the night before, stick with the 6am wake up - your day resets each day at 6am. This should all create enough sleep pressure to improve sleep. It can take up to 2 weeks to see the impact of a change in routine, so stick with it! Sending solidarity

I think tomorrow im just going to have to put some earplugs in and just keep putting him back into bed until he gives up

He is 21months old. You should be in charge. Gentle but firm rules should be in place.

@jountyey i know you’re right but he is just soo fiesty and gets into such a state it makes me nervous

Can his bed fit in your room? Personally I’d have him in your bed. I find society’s obsession with making babies sleep alone very strange.

If you’re worried about him in your bed, move him into your room.

Don’t leave him to cry. That’s cruel.

We also done pretty much exactly this - it worked like a charm. We used Moshi for our bedtime stories and they still listen to it now, aged 9 and 10! 😂

Theres also a clock you can buy that is either lit up with a moon or bright like the sun, it tells your child when it is ok to be up and awake, or whether they should be in bed.

Just remember that just because he isn't talking much he can still listen. Talking is more to do with vocal chords development and some children especially boys are late talkers.

It's not permanent.
If you are a SAHM aim for a lot of physical activity in the afternoon after nap. Also offer a snack before bedtime.
It's tough. My older dc won't go to sleep until I do unless very tired.

Cut the nap out and do bed time a bit later.

12 hours sleep is a lot its natural he will.grow out of that pattern.

Tbh so many parents sleep in their kids room! First thing I would do is get him a double bed ...i wish I had done that years ago !

Could he just sleep in your bed with you? That is what most families do. Or put his cot mattress on floor of your room? He will probably settle better hearing your breath abd bring close to you.

At 21 months you wont squash him in bed. Jist have him in your bed.

He will grow out of it I promise. My 22 year old NEVER wants to snuggle anymore. 😁

In any situation like this the only way to "win" is to have a stronger will than the toddler. You just cannot give in.

Fist couple of days might be relentless but it will get better as long as you don't give in and undo all your progress.