To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

[HannahR21]

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

The men who rifle through laundry baskets tend not to do the washing so you're less likely to know!

I would tell her no aswell!

I absolutely hate the invasion and do not want anyone else doing my washing - I’m a grown up and can manage it perfectly well.

Your husband needs a backbone

I am a MIL and would never take my DIL's underwear out of the linen basket and put a wash on. Don't think I would do my son in law's either its too personal.

Your DH said it ‘saves you a job’? 😯

And does he wear special sex clothes too?

Your poor MIL is trying to do a nice thing. She is not the problem here. I would be more bothered about a man who hasn’t reached the 21st century yet.

No, we should accept them doing anything they want so they can win.

The OP finds it intrusive. That’s the crux of it. She does not need to justify or explain anything more of her private life.

Sorry, why is she saving YOU a job, and not your husband? You both work.

Yanbu god I would hate ANYONE touching my washing. As much as I moan about everything I have to do, I would not like for anybody else to do it. It's mine to do; certainly not my MILs.

My gran was like this. I moaned at the time but now she’s gone, I bloody miss her and her unconditional help.

Let her carry on, you might feel differently in a few years time.

Who’d be a MIL? Another post would read “She’s round ours all day-she might at least put a wash on!”

...neatly disregarding he's claiming it's saving OP a job, not him, as though it's not his very own dirty laundry.

Could you and DH have separate laundry baskets so your dirty washing can be left for you, but she can do his and any DCs?

As a MIL myself, I’d be happy to do what your MIL is doing especially when it’ll dry outside in no time, but I’d feel awkward washing DILs things (especially underwear) and I know she’d hate it. So a basket each seems a decent compromise especially if DH will help out by doing yours sometimes. This way you all get help but MIL isn’t rummaging around with your knickers!

Your poor MIL is trying to do a nice thing.

It's not a nice thing if Op (who does the laundry) doesn't want it doing.

It oversteps a boundary for me.

My exMIL once forced herself past me because she didn’t believe I had no washing for her 😂 exH didn’t see the issue.

She did it for control, and I had a H problem.

I'd absolutely LOVE someone to come in and do my washing every week!
Id deliberately sort out the washing basket so only items I wanted her to see were in there though from now on......
Or, you could have some serious fun with this and leave random items in there each week for her to 'find' 😂😂

My ex partners gran once let herself in when everyone was out, took my washing basket and done all of my laundry at her house (great!)… until she handed me several small brown paper bags at the dinner table in front of my FIL and BIL declaring loudly that theyre my ‘smalls’
Literally got handed paper bags containing my thongs in front of everyone over dinner 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Funny how we're all different, isn't it? My MIL would never do our laundry but if she randomly did I would be completely mortified! It feels very personal having someone handle your used underwear etc. I definitely wouldn't like it and would have to say something, kindly, about it being unnecessary.

The secret of being a good MIL or indeed DM when you are in someone’s else home is to ask first. I would not dream of going into anyone else’s house and rifle in their laundry basket to do laundry without asking first.

Many people will have their laundry basket in their bedrooms and that can be seen as a private space, so again wouldn’t want a parent going in there.

Only exception would be if someone was ill in hospital and needed clean clothes, but again where possible I would ask first

When DS is staying over at ours (he splits time between here, GF and uni), I will check whether he wants any laundry doing and usually ask him to put laundry basket outside his door so I don’t need to go into his room, as that is his private space. As he doesn’t spend much time here he never has enough laundry of his own to do a full wash, so will just add any items to ours

Except I’ve never ever once seen a thread saying anything like this

When my kids are here I ask them if they have anything they want putting in if I’m doing a wash … I don’t go in and take stuff because they’re adults and might rather I didn’t. So I wouldn’t do that if I was visiting them either

(Should be clear in relation to my post above: they are in their 20s! Not children)

Grown ups would also select and pay for professional childcare as well. What a bunch of ungrateful bastards. If her intent was to interfere and undermine, get someone else to work for free. If it was to help and lighten the load, be thankful and put up with being embarrassed, some people dont have free cleaners and childcare.

Re making it obvious she had seen it....my mother did something similar.

She decided to "help" by doing my sister and BIL washing while they were on holiday. All washed, dried, ironed and put away....except the little pile of my sisters (perfectly ordinary) underwear. Not thinking much of it, Sis opened her underwear drawer and there on the top was her "neck massager" 😉. Mum had obviously tried to pretend she hadnt seen it, but by putting everything else away except the undies, she couldnt have made it more plain that she had!

She never did their washing again though!

Where do you keep your dirty-washing basket?

My MiL is gone now, but I’m sure would not have dreamt of going into our bedroom unless specifically asked to, and I’m sure would have thought it intrusive to handle any of my underwear.

This. It really is that simple. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth