To not enjoy being around my children?

[coolwaterinthesea]

I know I’m going to get lots of ‘poor kids’ responses but I really do try my best for them. But I don’t actually enjoy being around them.

I love them but I find their company stressful and exhausting. It just isn’t fun. I look at other mums who seem to be having a great time with their children and actually enjoying it whereas for me if I’m honest every day is an endurance until bedtime.

How old are they?

You sound burnt out. I've been there. Google blocked care and see if it resonates. You can come out of this but you need to accept help.

6 in October and 3 at the end of the month.

I think that's really sad 😔 my children are my favourite people in the world and I enjoy their company more than anyone else.

Why do you think you don't enjoy their company? All children can fuss and squabble sometimes but aren't they funny, happy and chatty sometimes? If they're hard work, can you look at what you can do to create a more positive upbeat atmosphere in the house? Don't you have fun with them sometimes?

Do you have a husband or partner?

It might be worth "splitting up" and each having 1:1 time with your children on AM.or PM on the weekends

Some of us enjoy our children better the older they grow. With a 3 yo you are still in the trenches, it will get better.

A lot of the time I feel like I just would be happier left to do my own thing is my honest response.

I do love them and for this reason I do the stuff they want to do and go along with it. I just don’t really like being with them, awful as that sounds. It’s stressful and I’m tense; something is always about to kick off.

I am hoping so, it’s easier with the older one but then it’s not when they are together so I’m worried it’s always going to be stressful with them both irrespective of age (at least until they’ve stopped being children!)

What convinced you to have children? Did you feel like this when you only had one?

Those are not fun ages at all! It will get much better as they get older. Just got to grit your teeth a bit until then

I think a lot of parents feel the way you do, it's just pretty taboo to admit it.

Raising kids is relentless. Don't feel bad that you find it tough.

Sometimes but I thought it would get better as he got older. It did to be fair but together they are a lot of work in a way he isn’t on his own. I do recognise I should have stayed at one by the way! But it is too late now.

Don't feel bad about it.
Not everyone is walking around being Earth Mother. Lots of people don't genuinely enjoy the company of children.
You obviously love them, but it's OK to admit it's hard going.

Agree with PP too, people prefer different stages of parenthood. It'll get easier as they get older.

Lots of parents feel like this deep down when kids are those ages. The thing is as parents we are all expected to do so much more with our children on top of everything else such as working full time. The pressure is immense. Higher expectations than when I was a kid. I used to play out a lot with kids and entertain myself (only child).

I’m just hoping as they get older they’ll grow out of being so daft and silly around one another.

Just don’t let them pick up on it, it’s a sad childhood when your parents resent your existence.

I really dislike it, too.

I don’t resent them; resent suggests I blame them for it which I don’t.

At those ages I would have to make plans eg park one morning, crafts for afternoon another day age appropriate etc etc. seemed to be much calmer if they were busy enough and I would get to sit with a cuppa a little while in between. It chopped up the days so it didn't feel like a drag every day. Hugs x

Do you think you might be depressed?

How much parenting does their father do?

If I'm honest, I really enjoy being with one of my children (either of them) but being with both at the same time is still usually not brilliant at 11 and 9. I know it's not always possible, but if you can separate them and have one on one time it's a lot better ime.

Sometimes they're lovely together but often there's a lot of squabbling and negativity when it's both of them.

I have similar ages and I find it a slog, I just think some people are naturally more able to have fun with young children. I can still mother my children well, love them whilst finding it pretty hard. Now my girl is coming up to 6 I find she is much easier, we can have some lovely conversations, go to the cinema or on a shopping trip. They are hard together because of the fall outs.

None. Let’s not get into that 👍🏻 I’m not being rude, just don’t want to talk about it.

@Goldensprat i worry about this a lot.

Are we supposed to enjoy it?
At the end of the day we are “supposed to” (by which we mean have evolved to do, and children need us to) love them, provide responsive care, provide physical and eye contact, take care of their basic needs and teach them about the world. We are not supposed to entertain them endlessly, play imaginative games with them, or centre our days around their pleasures. There is no pre industrialised society where this happens, and even in industrialised societies we have only considered it a parents job to entertain kids in the last 40 years or so.

Children are supposed to play with each other, which is why they love it so much. Playing with adults (other than some physical rough play with adult males) is a really poor substitute.

Some parents do like it, which is great, but for most of us we love and adore our children, but are at our happiest when they are happy playing with others or absorbed in discovering something new, and we are absorbed in our own tasks with other adults or alone, all together and around each other but not fixedly devoting our time and energy on keeping two kids happy.

My advice is that is you’re naturally a cave woman mum but you’re living in 2026. Spend as much time with other kids as you can so they can play and you can be with friends, (group holidays esp camping are the best) and wait until they grow up a bit. Revel in the lovely bits and tolerate the rest, it passes quickly.