To not enjoy being around my children?

[coolwaterinthesea]

I know I’m going to get lots of ‘poor kids’ responses but I really do try my best for them. But I don’t actually enjoy being around them.

I love them but I find their company stressful and exhausting. It just isn’t fun. I look at other mums who seem to be having a great time with their children and actually enjoying it whereas for me if I’m honest every day is an endurance until bedtime.

Oh get off your high horse 🙄 there's a big difference between living through your children and that being your greatest achievement and never enjoying being around your children! I think that is really sad. Surely most parents enjoy the company of their children at least sometimes?!

In my experience people who find toddlers really scintillating company are people who have had dull lives up until the point they got themselves up the spout

Not when they are 2.

Oh bore off. People don't know what it's like to have kids before they have them. And there seems to be a whole universal conspiracy to tell women when they do pop out a sprog they will magically morph into an earth mother and 'love every minute'. Some kids are hard. Some people realize too late that babies aren't really their thing and they didn't know before because they hadn't had one yet.

Good news is toddlers are only toddlers for a short space of time and a big kid for a long time so there's plenty of time for those who find toddlers to be both dull (which they are) and exhausting (which they are).

i think most people feel like you do at least some of the time. My girls are wonderful but they also fight and wind each other up, no one would enjoy being a constant mediator. We do much better out of the house, at home they fight over attention. Try and get some time for yourself, get them in clubs if you can, I know it can be hard but it’s worse if you burn out.

My experience is people who say they love their kids all the time are those who have lots of ‘balance’ ie time off whilst family members chip in. Parenting without any break is hard.

i would most often rather be doing my own thing, it’s not a sin. My mothers generation were ignored whilst their dad worked & mum did housework.
the concept of playing all day with children in absolute bliss is modern codswallop.

love them. Play with them a bit. Then put them upstairs in their rooms to play whilst you get on with your life.

@coolwaterintheseaoh I feel you, I have a 4.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I have Mondays off with them and I have to mentally gear myself up for it! Trying to entertain the 4 year old whilst keeping the 1 year old alive is not fun.

As @JudithsDeadsaid, we're not meant to bring children up this way, but the "village" and community is gone, as are large families. I'm the youngest of 4 and have zero memories of my mum actively playing with me other than to suffer through whatever performance I made up.

My fave thing at the moment is just to have them in the garden, even playing in the soil whilst I potter around. I'm constantly told by my MIL to not wish it away but fuck that, can't wait until the youngest is 5! It's a slog, it's not you, it's society. Hang in there and tolerate it when it's tough, enjoy the moments you can xx

My kids have got nicer and nicer to be with as they got older (with the odd 2 or 3 month blip). They are nearly adults now and get on together which makes them really great fun to spend time with (I also get plenty of time to myself now they are older, which makes the time with them better). When they were younger, like a PP, I found them a lot more fun one-on-one or two-on-two. I had harder days when I took them out by myself.

I think the key to enjoying it is to have other mums to hang out with while the kids play together. Which if you think about it is how motherhood has looked for the majority of human history.

Slogging along on your own tackling chores with whining fighting kids is nobodies idea of fun. Loading the dishwasher while you sip a coffee and chat with a mum friend, kids playing together is a very different experience.

I had 4 ..3 under 3 and then another years later
I never found it fun either
It was hard work and demanding
But no one said it was going to be fun
It's fun if you spend all night in the pub and you take the kids with you
It's fun if they don't have a bedtime and they stay up untill they fall asleep on the sofa at 11 pm , because you don't have the stress of doing an actual bedtime routine
It's fun if you buy lots of McDonald's because you don't need to worry about a decent diet
It's fun if you never do homework with them .. because that's what school is there for
It's fun if you let them play out in the streets till all hours , because then your house doesn't get messy,and you can chill with a bottle of wine .
It's fun if you never battle them to clean their teeth,to turn the iPad of ,to eat their greens ,or to be polite and respectful.. because it's hard work doing all that ..
So no it's not all fun and games being a good parent.
But unfortunately it's all got to be done ,
And someone has to do it ..and most of the time it's us mums xx

I used to be exactly the same - I enjoy their company much, much more now they're just a bit older (not yet teens). Not everyone loves parenting little kids and that's ok.

I needed to hear this today! I feel the same

Thanks all

Those with older children, do you have more than one? What I’m worried about is never getting to a stage when I enjoy them because they bounce off one another

What is needed here is more balance. Very few of us enjoy our children if forced to spend 24/7 with them without any time to ourselves. Can you book them extra days in holiday camp/nursery or a babysitter so you get some time to yourself? If that's not possible/too expensive, you need to lower your parenting standards and carve out 'you time' at home, while practicing benign neglect. Whenever I'm about to spontaneously self combust with internalised parenting rage, I put out a big plate of snacks, put the TV on and retreat to my favourite comfy chair in the kitchen with my headphones in and just ignore them. Also, work out the trips you can do with them that are marginally less stressful/more enjoyable for you, i.e. the safer playgrounds where you don't have to run about hovering under the younger one in case they fall and maim themselves.

You're supposed to love them and support them and give them the opportunities you can.

Fuck "enjoying" a 6 and 3 year old all the time. That's just a 2026 thing. No one expected my mother to actually "enjoy" motherhood.

Think it’s the age, mine was horrific at 3, I definitely didn’t enjoy it, but I did only have one. Honestly I never got the earth mum thing but as they grow up they are nicer to be around. It’s also ok to ignore them for a bit sometimes.

Well they are hard at these ages - they’re still tiny!

With a Dad who barely does any parenting, that’s going to be tough.

You’re probably an introvert who likes a lot of alone time to recharge, and if you’re not getting any at all, it’s going to be tough.

Time on your own with kids is even tougher and more relentless than time with other adults with kids involved, so although your introvert side will urge against it, I’d make plans to meet up with other families, or family members of your own if you have them.

And be kind to yourself.

Maybe take them to the cinema if your youngest will sit through it sometimes as that’s a bit like getting peace!

I’ve liked mine increasingly as they have got older - they are now 17 and 12. I did like being with them as little ones in that I loved them and missed them when not there but am also an introvert who needs down time. I also had a husband who did nothing but I divorced him. That helped a lot!

Oh mine still don’t massively get in with each other (the age gap, different sexes and very different personalities don’t help) but they’re old enough to be told to make the effort with each other!

Wise words.

I don’t know about other people’s kids but my 12 and 9 year old fight non stop 😓 so mine didnt get the memo that kids stop fighting once they are older

Is that genuinely true? Also surely it depends on the toddler? I had my now-toddler at 37 and prior to that lived a vicarious life of travelling, working my way up the career ladder, seeing friends, trying out different activities, and now with my two year old yes I do thoroughly enjoy his company, he’s an enthusiastic, happy go lucky, funny and entertaining little person. I don’t think it’s fair or correct to say that one typically only feels this way if they lived dull lives before getting “up the spout”

Anyway OP, it sounds like you’re just seriously burnt out and I’m really sorry that you don’t get anything in the way of help and support (you don’t want to get into it and that’s fine but I think this will be a massively contributing factor), I really hope when your youngest is a bit older you can start to enjoy parenthood a bit more and perhaps some of the draining elements now might become more manageable. Hope there are many many good times on the way for you

Same! I’m dreading DD going back to school in September! I love having her around.

I promise you it gets better. I remember feeling like this when they were this age - that it felt like a chore and not fun.
In fairness this was probably because I worked full time and they were tired by 6pm
when I got home so I mainly just saw them for the “work” bits (getting ready for school and bedtime.) I’ve often wondered if I’d have been more attuned to them if I’d been able to work part time, it’s a shame.
Fast forward to now (11 and 14) and they are just a delight - fun and funny!

I’m guessing you just have the one? I’d probably feel the same with just one school aged child

edit yes I see you are the poster struggling with neighbours. You have one eleven year old girl. I have two children who are five and three. Not quite the same!

Thanks @Minasama