To not enjoy being around my children?

[coolwaterinthesea]

I know I’m going to get lots of ‘poor kids’ responses but I really do try my best for them. But I don’t actually enjoy being around them.

I love them but I find their company stressful and exhausting. It just isn’t fun. I look at other mums who seem to be having a great time with their children and actually enjoying it whereas for me if I’m honest every day is an endurance until bedtime.

Thank you! My first reaction was the vomit emoji which seemed a bit unkind. You have phrased this so much better than I could.

OP, two quick thoughts. The presence of other adults helps enormously so there's more conversation than random questions about Bluey or whoever. Friends/family/playgroups - doesn't matter.
Secondly, bringing up children is so often very different in real life to how we imagine it's going to be.
I had a vision of DD's friends running in and out of our open-door household and hospitality and fun. In reality, partly due to where we lived, partly everything being so structured now, I found it all quite unreasonably stressful.
The phases do pass and overall we had a wonderful time when DD was young but some of it was seriously hard work. Also, tbf, only one child.

That must win the empathy prize of the day. 👏
Guessing because OP is genuinely exhausted her view might be skewed right now, also the way modern life works wtf knows what living with a three and sex year old is like until you do it?

Can't edit. Six not sex, obviously.

Ik it’s not always possible to jump back into work but is this an option?

YANBU. My DD is 13 now, but I REALLY struggled to enjoy her company when she was younger. And I still do sometimes, but it's a lot easier now that her interests are a bit more.. well interesting.

Unfortunately it's just a case of enduring it until they're both old enough to safely entertain themselves.

I started carving out time for me once DD got to that stage. She had to entertain herself until I had finished my program or chapter. Initially she would keep nagging me and telling me she was bored, but once she realised that I wasn't going to put what I was going down until I'd finished, she started to entertain herself for a bit and would do some drawing or play with her toys, until I was done. Having that boundary really helped us both if I'm honest.

For what it's worth, some of us just aren't built to see everything our child/ren do as a blessing.

you would be surprised!

it wasn’t forcing it was nurturing

once youngster could run and play physically they entertained each other and were friends as well as brothers

they are still friends and brothers

they both now come and tell me their stories/gossip first, so I can ask the questions needed to fill in the gaps, so that when they tell each other the stories it’s a much better curated version!

we saw it as hopefully being their longest relationship they will ever have in their lives (statistically speaking) it was worth putting the work in, wasn’t always easy, but got easier

I am not totally sure how it correlates to the thread though @frozendaisy , unless you mean that if I work on forcing them on one another (I am sort of joking but it did sound a tiny bit intense) then they’ll leave me alone more!

The thing is that at these ages they can’t be left to their own devices much which I do get. My 5 yo more so of course.

I know some people strike gold with sibling relationships and they are best friends but more often than not I think it’s like any relationship where there is love and also some resentment, jealousy, irritation and so on. And also sometimes you just want the company of someone else. I don’t think any sibling should be born with the expectation of being the existing child’s life companion. There are too many variables for that.

I’m not sure this is really helping OP. Is there any aspect of parenting you do struggle with?

I have 3 - one is still young but the older two have become so much easier. They do fight sometimes and it drives me nuts but also it's much easier for them to do things separately in the house, and to spend quality time with each of them alone.

Yes, I have two. To be fair they've always got along really well, so I can't say it's improved, because it was always good. Dc1 was a very good entertainer for dc2 from the get go.

Persuading teenagers to revise enough
Apart from that not really

And getting ours to get along was a great help to me, and more importantly them. So thought I would suggest something that worked in our household.

Take care of yourself OP
You need to deal with this step by step.
Small props in between. Cup of tea, relaxing bath, glass of wine as some examples.
Caring for very young children is Exhausting and relentless.
Some people have support which makes a HUGE difference.

Brilliant advice

They will! They're kids that's all! Try finding something YOU enjoy to do, and take them to that. They will fit in. Try the kids theatre or a museum perhaps?

They have been to the theatre but for children’s shows. I wouldn’t expect them to sit through a Shakespeare play or anything! Museums are hit and miss, it’s hard to actually look at anything and read the info when you have one child haring in one direction and the other lagging behind.

Advice re crafts etc is kindly meant but takes ages to set up, holds their attention for ten minutes if you’re lucky and then takes hours to clear away. I also think it rather misses the point a bit; a lot of the time threads like this end up crammed full of suggestions as to what to do with your children, and that’s not really what I’m trying to communicate. I am more than familiar with parks, soft play, role play cafes, adventure playgrounds, farms, swimming pools, forest schools, playgroups, toddler painting sessions, rhyme times etc. But you have to come home sometimes. And home is no longer a place I can relax in, it’s essentially a workplace.

Was just scrolling looking for a thread of this nature for some solidarity (and I always find one).
You are not alone OP. From the moment my first was born I felt this surge of anxiety that never left. Yes it goes up and down but I never truly feel ‘relaxed’ even when alone.
Mine are older and still cannot do an activity together without it ending in a fight.
I’ve taken to jumping in and sending them to their rooms at the first sniff of it, which means I get 10 mins alone downstairs 🤣
Nothing helps. Alone they are delightful. I love a lunch with DD or a trip to the city with DS but together…. Lord I regret my life choices!!!!
I am still hopeful that it will get better (because what’s the alternative) but jeez this is a long, hard slog.

Same @SummerHols2026 . Mine are fine apart. It feels horrible to say I wish one didn’t exist and that’s not quite what I mean. And it isn’t even that they fight; sometimes they do but it is beyond that. They become very different people around one another and if I’m entirely honest not people I like much.

It’s a total tug of war for me. I feel constantly got at. There is no peace, no rest and the happy memories are few and far between 😢
I spend most of my time pretending to be a normal happy family. We tick the boxes. Clubs, days out, play dates etc etc but the truth is I feel constantly exhausted. Always on edge and snappy. I’m just surviving this.

Hearing the people on here who are like ‘I love every second’ makes me feel worse tbh. Like confirmation that it’s me that’s the problem.

I don’t know if it’s you, or if it is it’s me as well! I genuinely think I’d enjoy it with one. Feel really sad at what life could have been.

The good news is that once they’re older and more independent, it does get better and slightly easier to divide and conquer. You just need to hang in there.

Can you work op? Or perhaps you do

Not everyone enjoys being a sahm if that’s what you’re doing. It’s fine not to.

I’m not a SAHM

How old are your children now?

This is such an interesting and refreshing take ⭐️