To not enjoy being around my children?

[coolwaterinthesea]

I know I’m going to get lots of ‘poor kids’ responses but I really do try my best for them. But I don’t actually enjoy being around them.

I love them but I find their company stressful and exhausting. It just isn’t fun. I look at other mums who seem to be having a great time with their children and actually enjoying it whereas for me if I’m honest every day is an endurance until bedtime.

A very stupid remark. No one knows the reality of having young children, unless you brought up a younger sibling.

Yes. This.

I’m just verrrry tired at the moment. I don’t know why; just feel permanently drained and flat. (Well, I do know why I suppose; kids are exhausting!)

Might also be physical…. Have you been to your GP? Get checked for anaemia/thyroid etc?

It’s their ages OP. It does get better.

I felt like you do. Doesn’t everyone? It’s tiring and boring looking after children. I had 3 and they've all turned out great with jobs/ education. I love them and they love me. Mums do things for kids regardless of whether they are enjoying it or not. It’s because of the love. On the outside I’m sure you’re a great mum. Nothing wrong with being honest. Don’t beat yourself up. My sister close friends all felt the same.

6 and 3 is hard work. I have been there. I loved the baby phase, and the school age phase, but the toddler phase was not enjoyable as it was such hard work and relentless. It gets a lot easier once they are both at school. I’ve posted this before but find somewhere with a crèche you can go in weekends. I found a gym, and there was also a cafe with a supervised crèche near me. I used both to retain my sanity. Didn’t even use the gym sometimes just had a coffee. It’s important to find space from the relentlessness of young children especially if you haven’t got a good support network who will look after them for you for a few hours here and there.

I have just one, and I love parenting (single) and spending time with him. But, I can see how going from one to two would have changed that equation. I get the exhaustion, and, I certainly get that you don't have enjoy the time with your kids, and in fact it will be hard to if you are run down. I know you don't want to talk about your relationship, but not being able to share the joys and lows/work of parenting will certainly make parenting so much more taxing and less enjoyable. Hope you get a break, and can enjoy your kids in due course. In solidarity.

I don’t think you should worry about it. I felt pretty much like you when my children were young but everything changes so much as they grow up.
My children are heading towards middle age now and they’re the most inspiring thing in my life. I wouldn’t go down the route of thinking you should have stuck at one.
Btw, I’m sure you won’t have to wait till they’re middle aged to enjoy them! 🤣

They can still be little shits, but on the whole it does get better x

Do you really think beginning your reply like that is remotely helpful? A bit of sensitivity to another mother who is struggling would help.

You're not unreasonable, you can't help what you enjoy, but I feel very sad for you (and them)

^I do recognise I should have stayed at one by the way! But

Motherhood is hard OP, relentless.

I stayed at 1 and wonder about it after I die. Solo mum.

Which we can all become.

Wishing you all the best.

I only have 1 and between the age of around 1 and 5 I used to constantly google things like “why can’t I enjoy having a child”, “hate having kids mumsnet”, “hate being a mum Reddit” just to read about other people who felt the same as me. For me it was the “big emotions” I couldn’t tolerate. And constant noise whilst I was trying to do something. For me even putting on my shoes is difficult if someone is talking to me. I also hated playing with her. Especially imaginative play. But at some point in the last 2 years I stopped hating being a parent. Toddlers and pre schoolers are just not my thing at all. Now she’s emotionally regulated most of the time and interesting to talk to it’s much more my jam. So don’t worry OP, you’ll hopefully find the next part better.

What is wrong with people!! please teach your own children to be better than you not my circus. That doesn’t come across as supportive. It comes across as patronising. There’s nothing to feel sad about. People enjoy different things and that’s OK

Children are generally rubbish at witty repartee. They are too young to appreciate the finer differences between a vodka or gin Martini. Don't beat yourself up!

Genuinely, do you imagine she had a crystal ball to consult before having kids??

Very hard to parent when you're not supported by their Dad. You need a babysitter. Do your own thing. Find time for yourself. Spend some time watching them and sending them positive feelings and love. Listen for the cute things they do. Focus on how they remind you of yourself at that age. That may come with its own challenges. Sometimes we just don't like what we see in them. Or have tricky feelings about our own childhoods. Parenting is hard hard hard. I have four. Sometimes I think can't be arsed and they're all adults still bickering FFS.

Why does it need to be fun, why can’t you just lie on the floor and close your eyes and let them climb over you and wrestle and just do their thing?

Is the problem that you don’t do anything fun outside of being a parent?

We have a smaller age gap and decided to nurture their relationship above everything else
Worked wonders
They have always loved each other more than they love anyone else (as it should be)

I don’t think that’s something you can force @frozendaisy , people love who they love after all!

As to why I can’t lie on the floor and let my children climb on me - because 1) I don’t want to be scalped and 2) life goes on; they need feeding, clean clothes etc and 3) I don’t want to.

I feel like this with my 8 year old son sometimes. He's autistic and very hard work. I love him to peices but find him so overwhelming

With two of them are there times they get on together and give you a break?

Can you help to gee them to play, ik they’re still quite young but maybe that will improve with your help.

Oh, sometimes they do, and that’s fine . I can go somewhere and they’ll play together which I do appreciate but you can’t totally relax and enjoy it, and it would be somewhere for them, that I wouldn’t choose to go to if that makes sense and that’s what I mean about enduring rather than enjoying. So I go to a park with a big sandpit and it’s great, they are entertained, but it’s a sort of ‘well this is better than the alternative’ rather than ‘gee this is fun’. Does that make sense?