AIBU to expect my dd (17) to get up?

[queenceleste]

If you manage to get yours up - how do you do it?

I know it’s the holidays for her but still….. Whatever parenting I should have done - surely it’s too late?

5.30pm is a bit mad to be waking up and having breakfast. I think my worry would be that she isn’t out and about doing anything if she’s sleeping all day and on her phone all night. Is there a reason she doesn’t have a part time job? It’s a tricky one because she’s practically an adult and as long as she does any chores she’s meant to and isn’t keeping anyone else awake when she’s up at night then really she should be able to sleep when she’s likes. But I wouldn’t like it either. I’d think 12pm latest ideally.

I feel like I’m running a hotel and Joan Crawford is staying and she will do as she pleases thank you very much.

Sorry, OP, but this made me chuckle!

two things. I absolutely agree about phone use.
its a few years ago now but we used to get fire safety lectures in the NHS. Ours were designed for community staff. The bloke who gave them was an ex fireman, invalided out because of smoke inhalation injuries. He said that he kept a mobile in his bedroom because if you needed 999 for any reason, your phone was right there to hand. If you needed to get out of the house first, then you didn't have to scrabble around getting your phone. He also said that if you are going to charge your (or the kid's) phones overnight then the only safe place to do it is in your bedroom where you will know if anything goes wrong.

Why does being in bed equal ‘stinking’? Does the ‘stinking’ start at a particular hour??
The absolute faux pride of “in my home”…
Do you get extra points for this nonsense?

I googled it - here's the answer ....

Yes, teenagers absolutely need more sleep than adults—typically 8 to 10 hours each night. Because their brains and bodies are undergoing rapid cognitive, physical, and emotional development, they require this extra rest to support brain maturation, memory consolidation, and overall physical growth.
During adolescence, a natural shift in the body's circadian rhythm occurs. This biological clock delay means teenagers often don't feel sleepy until later at night—around 11 p.m. or midnight. Combined with early morning responsibilities like school, this can easily lead to chronic sleep deprivation.
Consistently missing out on needed sleep can lead to serious issues, including:
Decreased focus, memory, and academic performance
Mood swings, irritability, and an increased risk for depression and anxiety
Impaired judgment and an increased likelihood of impulsive behavior
Weakened immune systems and higher risks for physical health problems
To help your teen get the recommended amount of rest, encourage consistent sleep schedules (even on weekends), limit screen time an hour before bed, and promote healthy daytime habits like getting natural light and avoiding caffeine.
For more detailed information, check out the full guides from the Sleep Foundation or Johns Hopkins Medicine. 1]

Let her sleep!!!

Leave her alone.

Stinking and stagnating? Jeeso I was constantly in my bed at that age, I would’ve hated my parents if they forced me to get up at 17

I got annoyed with mine (14&17) so I made a manifesto for the summer (unfortunately neither have jobs, sports or much planned)
Up by 10 then dressed, bed made, curtains open, teeth brushed, proper clothes on etc.

They also have to clean their rooms once a week, do their laundry and take turns cleaning their bathroom. Cook one simple dinner a week.

They get plenty of chill out time but are also being a bit responsible and gaining life skills.

I'm not being super strict about it however, as long as it is happening 70% of the time.

When mine were headed towards being fully nocturnal, and disturbing me throughout the night with their cooking/gaming/comings and goings I put my foot down and insisted on some sunlight and activity during the day. But the odd day slobbing around in bed? I could not get het up about that.

I've never cared about them getting up if don't have to get up for anything in particular or they would want me to otherwise wake them. Let them be.

During the summer mine are rarely in bed before 3/4am and sleep untill mid afternoon if they don't have to be at work.
If they want to lie in bed all day and have breakfast at 5pm that's up to them.

Our kids are 17 - 21 and are on holiday from college and uni. We generally leave them to it unless we have plans which they’re happy to be up for.

They were up making food and watching a film together last night and then slept in til about 3pm. Sometimes they get up earlier, sometimes later. They’re socialising, exercising, helping around the house, walking the dogs and are nice company for the hours we see them, so I say let them enjoy the holidays while they can. It’s part of bringing young and free.

What are they doing until 3/4am?

I think posters need to read the update

this is a 17 year old lying in bed all day, not washing or eating or doing anything besides scrolling. Then getting up at 5.30pm to eat breakfast. And then missing family dinner because only just eaten dinner.

day in. Day out. During the summer holidays.

I would be worried about her health but more important - why the heck isn’t she out seeing friends @queenceleste ?

I have such fond memories of sleeping till midday, smelling a Sunday roast, having a shower and eating at 1pm. I wasn’t going to bed late (like 3am), I wasn’t on a phone as they didn’t really exist.

I did have anywhere to be and loved my sleep, I guess my question is why do they need to get up?

Midday? Getting up to eat a roast with family? Lovely

very different to what’s going on with the Op

With mine (16 and 18), the problem is, they sleep in because they are up, making noise, all night. I hear the bathroom door being opened and shut through my earplugs. I don’t sleep past 5am even though they do.
Swings and roundabouts.

This 👆 there is nothing healthy (either physically or mentally) about what OP’s daughter is doing.

Once mine got past GCSES I let them manage their bedtime/wake up. They made their own breakfast/lunch so it didn’t impact on me and my day. I always cooked tea they just needed to let me know if they wanted any. They each had a few chores to do each week.
Both DDs had part time jobs and successfully achieved their post 16 qualifications. Which led to careers and financial independence. They learnt to manage their own schedules.

I remember the irritation of having meals used as a reason to have to conform to my mother’s routine. She would make me a breakfast as a reason to insist I got up and wouldn’t let me just get my own breakfast when I was hungry. She insisted on having my college time table and said it was just so she had a rough idea of when I might be back no pressure. Which turned into getting yelled at if I went to the student union or the pub after college. I could not wait to leave home.

What do you want her to get up for?

I would let her get on with it. Choose your battles.

This! DS1 has been getting up at about 10 or 11 over the holidays. He woke up at 5.30 from about 10 months old to about the age of 8. At one stage I was putting a bowl and cereal out for both mine the night before so they could get their own breakfast at 6 30 at the weekends and holidays! If he wants to go out he gets up.

It depends how often it happens. If it’s every day and that’s all she does, no meeting friends, going out etc. then yes, that would be concerning.

I leave mine to get up when she feels like it, she's just finished college for the term and had work placement I'm giving her a break and letting her set her own schedule she's 17 now I don't feel the need to tell her what to do constantly

I'm surprised at how many people say they leave their kids to wake up whenever. I get it's the summer holidays and relaxing, have lie ins but I'd want my children up by 10am latest ready to start their day and not waste it away. Maybe I feel this way because there's many adults (20's and 30's) I know of who live with their parents, do not have jobs, stay up late at night and don't get out of bed until atleast lunchtime.