AIBU to expect my dd (17) to get up?

[queenceleste]

If you manage to get yours up - how do you do it?

I know it’s the holidays for her but still….. Whatever parenting I should have done - surely it’s too late?

Sorry I am confused how this relates to getting teens out of bed?

I will say you know the score re what pretty much every report about tech health; sleeping better etc etc says but your call.

i how honestly think they’ll just do it. It honestly just isn’t a big deal.

I don’t doubt any of that. There are any number of harmful behaviours that I would not have prevented my kids doing at 18, because they were adults, and it was no longer up to me.

If they ever choose to go to uni at 18 do you think they’ll put their phones in the kitchen then? Genuine question.

Why would you be getting a 17-year-old up? If she wants to lie in bed until lunchtime, surely that's up to her? She's 17, almost an adult.

Unless I need him up for something he gets up when he gets up. In fact all of my children during the holidays get up when they get up unless we have plans.

I managed to get all my work done today before anyone bothered to come downstairs. Peaceful.

All baring the oldest were downstairs before lunch time.

Maybe reread my post?

So with my dd, 17, leaving her phone outside her room is instigated by her. So, at 18, if she can, she will want to put it outside her room.

Of course not. That would be silly. Added to which he will be paying for it by then. However it’s just about knowing how not going on your screen late at night or as soon as you wake is a good thing and by then… they’ll have known the positive impact on sleep. If they choose to spend all night on their phone… that’s their call
but in our family home, whilst that mobile is
paid for by me - if I want to have a rule relating to it , then that’s the way we go

I expect if my dd goes to uni she will use her excessive charm to persuade a friend to have her phone in their room.

My dd14 kept doing this in holidays, She went to bed late and got up late. We took her phone off her last time and her dad would wake her up at 10am on weekends. I've told her this holiday she needs to make plans with friends, she isn't going to lie in bed all morning. 10am I'll be taking off the covers. At 17 it probably is a bit late to instill this, does she have a job, hobbies, friends? Is she normally pretty good at getting up for college? If so then I wouldn't worry too much.

I plug a radio in on the far side of the room and switch on classical music, very loudly. Bonus points if it is poor reception.

When that stops working I’ll move it to on top of the wardrobe.

Similar here but instead of a radio I plug the hoover in the hall then go downstairs leaving it on.

Let them alone at that age mostly - especially at the start of the holidays - I think we forget the rhythm of the school year means intense terms

encourage going outside every day

try and go some places with her for chats that everything is basically ok

advance notice when you should be going out together - “I’d like help with the supermarket tomorrow, going out at 10” or “do you fancy swimming “ and if yes “ tomorrow at 11?”

and chores “ you are on bathroom duty which means clean it on Friday before I go to bed “

but lots of notice and lots of space

let her know your plans - so if you want a lift anywhere …

Well hopefully it’s an ingrained habit by then. You could use your argument for letting teenagers do anything because “what are you going to do when they’re 18” but that would be silly wouldn’t it?

I think the question of whether or not she has her phone/laptop in there with her is a good one. If she genuinely sleeping then she probably needs it. If she's laying in bed reading a book she probably needs the downtime. There is no reason for her to be spending hours on her phone in bed before getting up.

We are another "phones in the kitchen charging overnight" family. My daughter, who didn't go away to uni until she was 19, never had her phone in her room overnight. Not because we didn't allow it - she never asked. The expectation and the norm is that you don't have a phone in your room overnight. Of course at uni she didn't have a choice, but by then I think she had learned enough to know how damaging excessive screen time is. Even now in her mid 20s, when she's home, she plugs her phone in in the kitchen overnight. She also spends a lot of time reading and is probably on her phone less than I am, and hardly ever uses social media.

Exactly!

Exactly

added to which, at 18 they’ll likely to be paying their own mobile phone bill. And if they are away at uni.., of course it’s up to them where they have their phone.

But under our family roof, we have family rules.

Thank you all so much, it helps to hear whether your dc are behaving freakishly or within the bounds of what might be ‘normal’ for some. It’s slightly reassuring.

she has been awake for a lot of the day but always on her phone. I hardly ever manage to get her off it. But truth be told we are all on our phones FAR too much - I listen to audio books a lot - so we set a bad example.

She didn’t come downstairs until 5.30ish and then had ‘breakfast’.

I’ve just served up dinner to the others of us and, of course; she isn’t hungry and didn’t turn up.

I feel like I’m running a hotel and Joan Crawford is staying and she will do as she pleases thank you very much.

So the entire day spent in bed and at nothing until 5.30pm?

Thst isn’t sleeping in. That isn’t bothering to get up and dressed and just stagnating in bed looking at her phone and not eating anything

Does she ever go out and see friends?

Did you do anything to prevent this from happening though?

I can't imagine having a teen in their room until 5:30 and not going to ask about their plans for the day. Or allowing them to have breakfast on their own when everyone else is sitting for dinner...

It's controlling behaviour making your teenagers get up if no school or job or activity to do.
They need their sleep
You wouldn't like it if someone turfed you out of bed!

I’m very strict about bedtime but figure if they’re asleep it’s because they need it so don’t get them up (I would at 11am so their next night’s sleep isn’t too disturbed).

“Controlling” I don’t know whether to 🙄 or 😆