AIBU to feel judged by mum friends for being childfree?

[ByAzureMoose]

I am a childfree 36 yo (most of my friends and all of my sisters have children of varying ages) and I have always been 100% supportive of their decisions. I'm a dentist so I make decent money and spend a lot of it on my biological and 'surrogate' nieces and nephews, I also work part-time and spend a lot of time particularly with my sisters children because I love them like my own.
I've spent my entire childhood explaining to people that I don't want children and I'm not just going to magically change my mind when I get older. My main reasoning is that I value my space, money and time. I am very clued onto the state of the world in terms of climate change, wars, the overall degeneration of society and my nerves can't handle bringing a child into that. And lastly, I come from a culture where motherhood is everything - the second you pop a child out, you're a mum and only that. Dads can have hobbies and lives and passions and climb the career ladder and go on lads holidays etc but mums are just mums. The funny thing is if I could be a dad I might be, but I don't want to be a mum.
Anyways, onto my AIBU - frequent conversations have come up about my biological clock running out etc and I get a weird vibe that a lot of the women in my life resent me for not falling into the same pattern of misery as the rest of them. They're all great mums and love their children to death don't get me wrong, but they all dedicate 24/7 to their children and their useless husbands who work and think that's the extent of their family contribution, they all complain to me constantly about how tired they are, how poor they are, their kids won't leave them alone, some of them even regret it. But then in the same breath, they'll tell me how selfish I am for not wanting children? And there's always the 'who'll look after you when you're old?' My sister didn't talk to me for a week because I had the audacity to tell her that children aren't a retirement plan.
I just feel more and more that my mum friends all have a superiority complex over me because I chose to be childfree, despite the fact that I'm very happy in my life and it really doesn't sound like they are

I didn’t get married until 40 and had two children after that. In my 20s I got some comments about how kids were the point of living but not after that. I guess people gave up the older I got! Certainly no one called me ‘selfish’ - how is it selfish? I think some people may be envious of your freedom!

I disagree that you sound superior. You sound really happy and fulfilled. I think you maybe need to have a conversation with them and be really clear that you're happy, you don't want your life to change and that you would like them to stop talking about it.

I do think they are possibly envious but it's probably more that they genuinely don't think you can be truly fulfilled without children because so many feel that way (I know I do - but only for me, I don't think everyone needs to have children to be happy!)

Being told two weeks ago at the age of 57 that I’ll “understand when you’re a grandmother” when I have never had children and never wanted them was the latest time I was judged for not having children.

It is boring and offensive.

I have never regretted my decision.

I have been told I’m selfish which is also boring and offensive. I always reply by asking for one reason why having children is not selfish and I’ll give you five why not having children is not selfish.

I completely agree with the OP for her reasons and feelings. The other comment that was boring and offensive was that I would change my mind. Apparently it’s completely fine to decide to have a child at any age and that you’ll never change your mind. It is clear from some of the threads on here that that is obviously untrue.

Women get judged either way. It's a really fucked up reality of being a woman, i think the childless angle is just another side of it. We can't get it right. I get judged for working in a demanding career while having children. A friend of mine gets judged relentlessly for being a SAHM.

I think the OP is coming across a bit petulant and judgy herself with how she talks about us miserable mums, although I don't doubt she is judged as well.

i disagree, if you are tired because you have young children that was your choice the OP is not being smug- she didn't want children and is happy with her choice, that is a very long way from being smug. You seem less happy with your choices- that's your problem not the OP's.

So your friends are never allowed to complain? I listen to friends' moaning about bad boyfriends, tiring house moves, shitty jobs, shitty bosses, being tired because of XYZ etc all the time. People go through hard, tiring times for all kinds of reasons. Having small children is a big one. It's life. It doesn't mean all mums are miserable. And the fact that most women DO choose to have children is not in itself a judgment on the OP.

You have weird friends! I’m a mum and have so many childfree women in my life and rate them highly for choosing themselves and not what society expected of them.

Poor kids being lumped in with bad boyfriends and shitty jobs and bosses 😢