All my clothes from ex house were destroyed

[SplashSplashh]

My husband and I separated a year ago and I moved out of the family home, I took lots of stuff with me and made trips back and forth to collect stuff, I didn’t take everything when I left as we were in a weird no man’s land where we discussed a possible trial separation. Things got more tense and it was obvious that we were permanently separating.

So I was trying to get access to my stuff for a long time but ex would skirt around the issue and say soon or not now, I’m busy etc.

Eventually he told me he would drop off bags of my stuff to my house. Looking inside everything was soaking wet, covered in mould and stinking. Most of it had to be binned. He then sent a text saying how everything was mouldy, how he had to destroy the wardrobe and how there was dead mice behind it.

It’s very odd as everything was fine when I was at the house last (October/November)no mould, just a normal wardrobe, the only thing was the bedroom looked like it had been shut up and not slept in or cleaned since I left (he was sleeping in another bedroom)

It’s a new(ish) build (15 years old) It’s really odd. What would you make of this??

I was the one to leave ex.

It’s a real shame, but you can’t prove he caused the damage (even though I’d put money on the fact that he did). I’d just text and say “oh well, I guess I’ll treat myself to a wardrobe of swanky new clothes for my new life.” And I might add “I think I’ll contact the landlord to complain about the damp thought”. Let him sweat about that.

You could but I highly doubt he's going to pay up. He's obviously damaged them on purpose. I'd write it off and just be glad you got out. It's not worth giving him the satisfaction of knowing he's upset you.

😮

Don’t bother with the police but you absolutely would get something back in small claims and it’s insanely easy (in terms of forms etc) to do this (I have taken Vinted to small claims and won).

Youd need to screen shot the texts where you’ve tried to get access to the property.

Take photos and document every item that’s been damaged (ok, yes this might take a while)

Look online at the cost to replace (and be reasonable ie shein and H&M rather than Hobbs etc).

Total up the amount.

Then send a letter recorded delivery to your ex asking to be reimbursed (at small claims you need to have shown you have tried to remedy before action).

If he doesn’t respond then fill in all the relevant details to small claims and they’ll try and recoup for you (it only costs under £100 and you’ll get it back).
As a previous poster said, he should reasonably have acted as Bailee and taken care of your items

You can try to pursue things, but I would not. Proving negligence will be difficult. There is also great value in just embracing your freedom.

Any legal process provides another opportunity for him to seek retribution in small, petty ways.

If your joint tenants insist on entering to inspect the damage to the house. I bet there is none.

If it was rented can you report to the agent with photos, say it was stored in a wardrobe in the house and look at the state of this, needs urgent repairs for dangerous conditions? Cc your ex if you need. It was deliberate and you won’t get a penny from him unless there’s some kind of legal claim you can make

Good point you can insist on going with the agent to make the inspection.

I'm sorry this happened! It seems that your ex is almost certainly at fault here - whether he let the house fall into disrepair or moved your items to an unsafe location without your permission or intentionally damaged them - and his months of stalling probably exacerbated the problem (either that or he knew right away that they had been damaged and that's why he stalled). But if he were going to act like a decent human and take responsibility for the harm he has done, wouldn't he have already done so? He knew what state your things were in when he finally gave them back to you and instead of being honest and preparing you he let you take the bags into your house and open them up and find everything ruined and messy. And it sounds like he hasn't even apologised.

I wouldn't politely ASK him for anything; that's what you've done up to this point and you can see what the result has been. If you want to pursue reimbursement, find out your rights and if possible make a claim for a reasonable amount based on what would have been the current value of what has been destroyed. If you still have the items, photograph them before disposing of them. If you do communicate with your ex again, keep emotion out of it as much as possible and treat it as an impersonal business transaction with someone you now have reason to distrust.

Just frame it as vindication for your decision to leave. Throw it away if it’s not salvageable. Dont give him the satisfaction of being upset. Living well is the best revenge.
I’d just say to him once that he’s obviously lying and petty and childish to destroy your stuff but it’s made you so relieved to have left him. Let him and his mum stew with that then get him out of your head.

Does it really matter why? I would just mark it up to a learning point and move on. If eh deliberately damaged it he won't pay. If he did nothing he will argue it wasn't his fault and won't pay. You won't get anywhere. If you do ask i would be very assertive ' Bob, you repeatedly prevented me from picking up my things which have now all had to be thrown out due to heavy damage from mould and damp. Please send me £xxx to replace them.' But I don't think you will get anywhere i an afraid.

Are you getting support after leaving an abusive relationship? Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

It would be madness for you to rise to this and contact him now for reimbursement or apologies. He'd love the opportunity for you to go grovelling. The best thing you can do now is completely cut ties and stop all communication. Move on. Do not engage with his vindictive abusive behaviour.

I'd be tempted to respond 'oh well out with the old in with the new' and for my extra dig 'good luck with the vermin problem glad I'm not dealing with that shit anymore'

But in all seriousness just stay safe and good luck with the next chapter

No. Move on.

Thank you 🥰

No it’s a cheap price to pay to be shot of someone.
I found that my former partner had run up a few thousand in debt in my name. I tried to sort it but ultimately I’ve had to slowly pay most of it off. At first it ate me up but now I think it’s a cheap price to be away from him.
I also have children with him which really made it harder to deal with.
If you respond at all you’re feeding into an ongoing argument they will love. I wouldn’t even acknowledge what’s happened with them
good luck

Oh this is beautifully loaded and completely innocent at the same time

perfect

They/him can no longer hurt you in person they decided to do it to your stuff.

I mean this indicates a bitter reaction and an illustration why you are better out of it. It’s lack of control, lack of control over you they couldn’t just let you have you things.

It’s his/their nastiness swan song. It’s over. Don’t let them know it’s bothered you no matter how much it has. But do make sure if it comes up in conversation to others how much petty damage he caused.

I wouldn't be asking for anything, don't give him the chance to say no. See this as part of your new life, you managed without that stuff for a year - you don't need it!

It doesn't take long to mould if left damp.

I once forgot to unpack my swimming kit and within days it was stinking where it had sat damp.

So if he deliberately soaked clothes and put them in a bag, they would've rotted pretty quickly.

That was his final attempt to control and abuse you.

Well done on leaving an abusive man; it takes a lot of courage.
Good luck to you !

I wouldn't do this TBH. My exh did a similar thing; tried to hold my stuff ransom so I would go round and get it and when I refused as I didnt want him to be there, he put it all in the broken shed where it got destroyed. I did do a few solicitor letters but he loved the contact. OP you seem still quite connected and invested, trying to work out why or whether he is gaslighting is a hiding to nothing. While its painful, cutting my losses was the best thing I ever did and stuff is just stuff. It can be replaced. I lost a Christmas bauble my nana made me when I was little, it stung, but I have my memories amd my mental health!

I have a built in wardobe and set of drawers that, if I didn't air it and run a dehumidifier, would definitely lead to this that you're describing. I'm not weighing in on whether he or his mum sabotaged your stuff, just saying mine would naturally do this if it was left closed up.

You have your freedom

That is worth millions & millions of clothes

I would not spend a second more worrying about your old clothes

You can buy more clothes

I'd see it as a gift of a completely clean slate - you don't want stuff that he's associated with in any way.

Say nothing at all about it. That'll drive him nuts because he wants a reaction.

Sounds like he put them in the garage or shed - probably so other women wouldn't think he was attached. He wouldn't have to wet them deliberately - just being in a damp atmosphere with no air circulation will do it.