AIBU to ask neighbours to keep their dog on a lead?

[pumpkinpotpie]

I would really appreciate some thoughts on how I could best manage this situation. Especially from people who have dogs or who are dog lovers.

For background after being attacked by dogs twice as a kid I was properly phobic of dogs for a long time. I have worked very hard to conquer that fear especially as I had children and I did not want them to feel the same way. I am now in my 40s and no longer phobic. I do not need to cross the road when walking past a dog. I can go into peoples houses when they have a dog. And I can even pat or even play with a friendly dog. I cannot over emphasise what huge progress all of that is for me.

However, I am struggling with something at the moment.

My neighbours have a young dog. I think it’s some sort of spaniel poodle mix. It’s not an unfriendly dog, but it is quite bouncy. We have a shared driveway and they allow the dog to run free over the shared driveway regularly. When I walk down the driveway, the dog often bound up to me and then it sort of stands there stock still just staring at me, not wagging its tail just staring at me which I find really intimidating. It’s not being aggressive, but I don’t like it.

At night, because it’s shadowy and tree- lined the dog can’t see very well so it’s inclined to bark quite aggressively at anything coming down the drive. That’s totally fair enough. I understand why it’s doing that.

However, it is giving me huge anxiety about leaving my house and walking up and down the driveway. I’ve asked my neighbours three times if they could please ensure the dog is on a lead when it’s out the front at night time.

So far they have ignored that request and are very dismissive saying “oh he’s fine. He’s very friendly. We’re always there.”

However, the dog has really poor recall. It isn’t aggressive. I know that, but I can’t help but feel really anxious.

They don’t tend to take the dog out for a walk. They tend to just allow it to run free out the front of our houses. To be fair to them, they do pick it up when it poos in our front garden.

My seven-year-old also is a bit scared of it and doesn’t like it when it bounces up to him.

I think I can cope with it during the day, but at night it’s giving me huge anxiety and it’s actually stopping me from going out of my house at night. Which I recognise is utterly ridiculous. But I feel like I’ve tried to talk to them and I think people who love dogs just do not understand why somebody who is nervous of dogs could struggle.

Does anybody have any advice for either what I can do myself to help me be more resilient? Or what I could do if the dog is barking at me. I’ve taken to carrying an umbrella so that I’ve got a barrier between me and the dog.

Obviously, I will try and speak to my Neighbours again, but I don’t want a massive feud with them. We otherwise get on very well so I’m not inclined to make a huge deal out of it but equally it’s starting to make me feel very anxious and stressed.

Finally in the experience of people who know dogs really well, are dogs inclined to attack if they can’t see properly? I’m just worried that it would bark at me and one day bite me when I’m coming down the drive in the dark. I think that’s probably a relatively unfounded worry, but that is something at the back of my mind.

Any help gratefully received!! please be kind!

OP, can you spray your garden with citronella or get one of those things that let off a dog screech only audible to dogs. It should not be going in your garden.

Dogs have to be under control at all times in a public area and bluntly if a breed like this is not getting their needs met, theres every chance something could happen.
This is typical of these type of breed owners.
I would go in a bit harder, make them aware you know the laws around dogs and they shouldn’t be roaming free in areas outside of their home out of control.
Say their temperament is irrelevant, you are not comfortable with it and will have to escalate if it continues.
Feel sorry for the dog, for context, I have a high energy dog (a rescue as I won’t contribute to the current overbreeding) and she has been out 5 times today. That’s because she needs it.
It’s appalling that the dog isn’t walked and definitely not something you should have to deal with.

I’m a dog owner and dog lover, HOWEVER dog owners need to recognise they are literally breaking the law if their dog is not under control and causes alarm or distress to a person, breaching the dangerous dogs act (regardless of breed!!) they absolutely have a duty to have the dog under control. They are being unreasonable and selfish. Unfortunately lots of people are thick and think “they’re fine” when actually their dog is reactive and anxious.

This is not good advice, never put your hand in front of a dog you don’t know, an anxious dog could easily have their first bite this way. She needs to ignore the dog as much as possible and tell the neighbours to sort it out.

Could you hide in your car until the dog comes out, then run the fucker over?

I agree with thos saying it's probably worth getting to know the dog, BUT, the owners also need to understand the situation and take more responsibility. Another chat with them, explaining how you know the dog is friendly, but you and your son don't like it running up to you, and could they please make sure it's contained, is completely reasonable (and complying with the law!)

I would check this with the owners first before buying treats.

I would also repeat that they need to keep their dog on a lead. I'm stunned they think their dog pooing in your garden is ok, and I am a dog lover. What do the other neighbours think?

Absolutely this.

You need to stop explaining your feelings about dogs and stick to challenging their unacceptable behaviour.

'Please keep the dog under control on the shared driveway. Please keep the dog away from me and my child.'

You are apologising, when these owners are the ones in the wrong.

she knows the dog.

It is absolutely not ok for their dog to be in your garden, and certainly not pooing in your garden. Even if they pick up the poo, the traces of dog faeces can cause Toxocariasis which is why dogs are prohibited from sports pitches. Children have been blinded due to dog faeces.
There is legislation which would cover this and can be enforced by the local authority:

• Clean neighbourhoods and Environments Act 2005 (includes shared residential passageways)
• Community Protection Notices.

I would get a camera set up which can record your garden in order to have evidence of the problem.

It is their responsibility to prevent their dog from entering your garden. I would try again to have an informal conversation about it highlighting the risks to your child. Then I'd take it further and put it in writing to them.

Another thread about prisoner pets.
To those who suggested befriending or walking the dog OP has already said it’s completely untrained and doesn’t get walked!

So it’s a reasonably long driveway leads to multiple houses that this dog is running all over, in the dark, unaccompanied (I know you say they’re there, but obviously not right with it all the time)? Sounds like an accident waiting to happen tbh.

I don't even let my dog out in my garden off lead because she's a b*tch (we love her really) and SOOOOOO naughty. She is a lurcher and can leap over a high fence with ease. Before I realised she could do this, she took herself off on a afternoon trip around the estate I live on. So the consequence is she goes out on lead. I have a lead that goes around my waist so if I'm doing stuff in the garden where I need my hands free or sitting in the garden, then she goes on that.

I can't imagine having a neighbour who had your history with dogs and just letting the dog roam free. It's so irresponsible and disrespectful. It's a shared space, not their private space - can't stand the entitlement.

Anyway, I think your idea about trying to get to know the dog better is a good one and may also help your fears. I would ask the neighbours what treats the dog can have and if it's okay for you to use them to befriend it. If so, get some, and use those to try and redirect the behaviour. So when the dog runs towards you, chuck a handful over the ground (sort of sprinkled as far as possible) this will stop them immediately jumping up at you and rewards them for keeping their paws on the floor.

It’s really difficult to change other people’s behaviours. It’s easier to do something that you can control yourself. I think it’s a good idea to see if you and your son can go on a walk with them because it’s actually a good opportunity for your son to get over his fear a little bit and in turn that will help you.

I don’t think the neighbours are being reasonable though!

I would call the dog warden and tell them the dogs on the loose.

As a dog lover I would be annoyed if it was crapping on MY front lawn. Your neighbours sounds rather lax about it so you can either fall out with them or befriend the dog.
maybe ask if you can give it a treat next time you see them.
I second the idea of if you are going out the door in the dark and feel the dog might be there to call out ‘only me!’ Or something.
You probably shouldn’t have to have this level of involvement with it, but it doesn’t sound like the neighbours are going to stop it going out the front anytime soon.

Some of the advice on this thread is terrible. This is not a well-socialised or happy dog. And it is probably not well bred - chances are it's standing still and staring at night because it can't see properly (a health issue effecting spaniels and poodles, early symptoms of which are often difficulty seeing at night) so the last thing anyone should be doing is getting close to it and potentially scaring it.

So:

Absolutely do not crouch down and put your hand in the dogs face. A nervous dog, or unhappy dog, will bite or snap or lunge and so will one with sight issues - which this one may well have based on what you've said.

Absolutely do not give it treats. No one should be feeling a dog they do not know. Spaniels (and poodles and thus the mixes) can be prone to serious stomach issues and allergies. Worse can scenario is an out of hours emergency vets visit...all because OP fed it something it's allergic to.

Dog warden. Log each incident. End of.

Do you not have back gardens? If you do why on earth are your neighbours letting their dog into the front garden?

I love dogs and have had them for over 40 years but I would be furious if they were my neighbours. No one should be letting a dog run free on other neighbours' gardens.

It is also very cruel not to walk the dog.

I would report to the dog warden

If you stamp your foot very loudly, this tells canines the human is in charge, it puts the dog in their place and I have seen reactive dogs become submissive when I have done this in the past.

This should put distance between you and the dog.

I can’t control them or the dog. The only thing I can control is my reaction so I’ll start there.

I am a dog trainer. My advice would be to literally ignore the dog. What I mean by ignore it is to carry on doing exactly what you were doing as if it isn't there.

Most people stop, or look at the undesired dog, or do something different to what they were doing before they saw the dog. The dog notices the change in the behaviour of the human. If there is no change, and the dog gets no reaction, it will likely just ignore the human too. It would take too long to explain why this happens, but the main thing for you OP is to carry on exactly as you would if the dog wasn't there. Same speech patterns, same arm movements, same direction, same speed. Change nothing. I would bet my house that the dog will look at you for a few seconds, and then ignore you.

This will be difficult, especially if it runs up to you, but just treat it like it isn't there. Don't stop, don't look at it, don't speak to it, nothing at all to even recognise its presence.

A dog shouldn’t be allowed to run freely around a shared drive, do they not have an enclosed garden?
the dog is at risk if you or another vehicle enters the drive way unaware the dog is there! Especially if the dog has poor recall.

I’d maybe frame it as being concerned about the dog’s welfare

Sorry OP but dont buy treats. The dog will associate you with treats and if it's a youngish dog it will ne over like a shot every time it sees you.

You need to go back to your neighbours I think and be clearer and more definitive with them.
"I know your dog is not scary. But I am scared. I cannot help my reaction. I also do not want your dog weeing or pooing on my garden, even if you pick it up. So please do not allow your dog to roam unsupervised. If this persists then I will need to take preventative measures. "

Obviously dont explain what these are. If they say oh he's friendly then just repeat again and again. If it's left out again then ring their doorbell and ask them to recall the dog whilst you walk down. Do this every time. Theyll soon get bored

She doesn’t know the dog it’s the neighbours dog, and she has previously been fearful of dogs. I have spent extensive time with dogs with different needs and in dog training. You shouldn’t ever put your hand in front of a dog even if it’s friendly it might not like you invading its space. It’s outdated and stupid advice.

But why should she have to?

@DesignedforRioting she doesn't have to, but she may choose to if it's the easiest way to resolve the problem. Or indeed the only way, as the owners aren't showing any sign of wanting to address it.