AIBU to ask neighbours to keep their dog on a lead?

[pumpkinpotpie]

I would really appreciate some thoughts on how I could best manage this situation. Especially from people who have dogs or who are dog lovers.

For background after being attacked by dogs twice as a kid I was properly phobic of dogs for a long time. I have worked very hard to conquer that fear especially as I had children and I did not want them to feel the same way. I am now in my 40s and no longer phobic. I do not need to cross the road when walking past a dog. I can go into peoples houses when they have a dog. And I can even pat or even play with a friendly dog. I cannot over emphasise what huge progress all of that is for me.

However, I am struggling with something at the moment.

My neighbours have a young dog. I think it’s some sort of spaniel poodle mix. It’s not an unfriendly dog, but it is quite bouncy. We have a shared driveway and they allow the dog to run free over the shared driveway regularly. When I walk down the driveway, the dog often bound up to me and then it sort of stands there stock still just staring at me, not wagging its tail just staring at me which I find really intimidating. It’s not being aggressive, but I don’t like it.

At night, because it’s shadowy and tree- lined the dog can’t see very well so it’s inclined to bark quite aggressively at anything coming down the drive. That’s totally fair enough. I understand why it’s doing that.

However, it is giving me huge anxiety about leaving my house and walking up and down the driveway. I’ve asked my neighbours three times if they could please ensure the dog is on a lead when it’s out the front at night time.

So far they have ignored that request and are very dismissive saying “oh he’s fine. He’s very friendly. We’re always there.”

However, the dog has really poor recall. It isn’t aggressive. I know that, but I can’t help but feel really anxious.

They don’t tend to take the dog out for a walk. They tend to just allow it to run free out the front of our houses. To be fair to them, they do pick it up when it poos in our front garden.

My seven-year-old also is a bit scared of it and doesn’t like it when it bounces up to him.

I think I can cope with it during the day, but at night it’s giving me huge anxiety and it’s actually stopping me from going out of my house at night. Which I recognise is utterly ridiculous. But I feel like I’ve tried to talk to them and I think people who love dogs just do not understand why somebody who is nervous of dogs could struggle.

Does anybody have any advice for either what I can do myself to help me be more resilient? Or what I could do if the dog is barking at me. I’ve taken to carrying an umbrella so that I’ve got a barrier between me and the dog.

Obviously, I will try and speak to my Neighbours again, but I don’t want a massive feud with them. We otherwise get on very well so I’m not inclined to make a huge deal out of it but equally it’s starting to make me feel very anxious and stressed.

Finally in the experience of people who know dogs really well, are dogs inclined to attack if they can’t see properly? I’m just worried that it would bark at me and one day bite me when I’m coming down the drive in the dark. I think that’s probably a relatively unfounded worry, but that is something at the back of my mind.

Any help gratefully received!! please be kind!

Then equally they can’t allow their dog to roam free and shit in it.

I'm surprised they let their dog roam free. I'd be concerned about it being stolen or run over or running off somewhere. They sound really irresponsible.

You've done really well to overcome your fear of dogs as much as you already have. I agree that getting to know this particular dog would be a good way forward.

In the meantime I wonder if it would help you to read more about dog behaviour and maybe watch some videos? It sounds as if your past experiences are telling you this dog is aggressive, whereas it's quite possible that he's as frightened as you are and he's just barking and lunging to make the scary thing that appeared out of nowhere (you) go away. If that's the case then making friends will definitely help, but you also need to try to avoid startling him. Maybe a solar powered motion sensitive light by your door or down the drive? I have some from powerbee.co.uk which are great and need no maintenance at all. I would also consider taking the initiative and instead of waiting for him to realise you're there, try calling him as soon as you go outside and when he comes into view, throw a handful of tiny treats at him and well away from you, in the opposite direction to the one you're going in. This will give you a degree of control , you will be less scary to him and he will be busy sniffing them out.

They sound like really shitty owners - not walking the dog is terrible for it, poor thing, no wonder it's so bouncy.

I think it's a really good idea to try to get to know it more OP, be careful with treats because not all dogs are gentle at taking them and if you're wary of dogs that might freak you out further. Better to drop the treats than try to hand feed. Be aware though that you then might become 'treat lady' and his very favourite person to come running over to!

Instead of treats I would just crouch down to it's level, put your hand out for it to sniff and say hello. If he wags his tail but is fairly calm then give him a scratch under his chin and say 'good boy'.

Thanks so much everyone this has helped me feel a bit less anxious.

I’m off to buy dog treats to see if that will help!

Hi I have a cavapoo now but totally understand your fear of their dog, and your dislike of it's behaviour. You've had some good advice here but I wouldn't start giving it treats unless you want it to look out for you and come over.

My suggestion is a motion activated sprinkler.. Almost certainly work as a deterrent and won't do any harm.

Also, you've already told these horrible owners about your phobia, they probably just think "tough", but you have a genuine greivance about it pooing in your garden,

It doesn’t need to be a fear to not want to be molested by dogs. I can’t stand this attitude that’s it’s up to you to placate the dog, not the dumb owners to rein it in. I’m afraid I’d be kicking it away if it came near me. YANBU.

I guess the problem is that I’ve tried speaking to them and it’s not helped. They just can’t see the problem.

I can’t control them or the dog. The only thing I can control is my reaction so I’ll start there.

All the advice and kind words of support is very much appreciated!

Poor dog, never taken out, I hate owners like this. He is bored and needs a good run to burn up some energy.

You are right when you say dog owners have no empathy with those that aren’t comfortable with dogs. They never stop to think perhaps someone was attacked as a child by one.

Not taking your dog for a walk seems appalling to me. And how good of them to pick up the dog poo from your garden. How grateful you must feel.
There should not be any dog poo on your garden to begin with. What are they doing trampling around your garden ! I would if I could make it as unattractive for the dog to go on.

Shared driveways are a nightmare because inevitably one owner gets to ‘own’ it more than the other.

If the path is dark can you put up some lights at all ? There are some people put around their gardens, so you can randomly place them anywhere.

The advice OP has been given is about how to understand the dog's behaviour get over her fear not to placate the dog. The OP has stated she wants to get over her fear.

Kicking the dog will only make things worse.

vile comment. none of this is the dogs fault. this is an entirely manageable situation. no need at all for violence towards an innocent animal.

I think your best bet is to befriend him. Yes, they could be more considerate but ultimately he isn't actually doing anything wrong and you share a driveway with these people.

Spaniels are typically bouncy, cuddly toddlers and should be pretty easy to make friends with. Just offer your hand for him to sniff, talk to him in an upbeat, slightly higher pitched voice, like when you talk to a baby and he will be straight over for fuss.

My neighbours dog always barks when someone walks up the alleyway but if you call out to her, Hi Molly! she stops. He is extremely unlikely to bite you, especially if he knows you and recognises your voice and smell.

I wouldn’t buy treats OP
The dog is more likely to be excited and jump if you have something they want. Do get to get to know the dog, let them sniff and familiarise themselves with you.

I see both sides in this, my busy dog settles much better at night after a sniff about.
What about bringing a torch when you go out at night so you can see the dog and then you?

No advice but I'm sorry for you.

I absolutely hate off-lead dogs. We live near a park and have been jumped at and scratched four times this year by three different dogs. People are so entitled and have no understanding of how terrifying dogs can be for people with phobias.

I wouldn’t buy treats or it will come over every time it sees you. I’m also very particular about what I feed my dog as she has a sensitive stomach so wouldn’t be happy about my neighbour feeding random treats either.

i think the best thing you can do it try to spend more time with the dog, who sounds friendly by the way. Also try putting your hand out and saying ‘no’ when it tries to jump. Hopefully as it’s quite young it will stop trying to jump at people when its older and better trained

are dogs inclined to attack if they can’t see properly?

No, they're not. Dogs can see much, much better in darkness than you can. Dark to you is more like early dusk to a dog. They can see you fine outdoors at night. Also, remember that sight is only one of the ways dogs know you're there. They also use smell and hearing, both of which are incredibly sensitive in dogs, so even if it's dark they'll be aware of you and you're unlikely to startle them. The dog sees you constantly and knows who you are.

I can't offer advice on the shared driveway situation, but I would have thought if it's as much theirs as yours, they wouldn't have to keep the dog on a lead. Really not sure, though. They should certainly be taking the poor thing for proper walks, obviously.

Perhaps a dog tazer, just in case?

Always been dogs around here and they get to know who lives there, so never attacked anyone but those who shouldn't be there. The only dogs I've every heard of attacking strangers are ones that aren't looked after/badly bred, eg people who deliberately have illegal dogs, or else people who don't watch their dogs around kids.
It's not always possible for people to use leads, eg if they're already holding on to their kids/have certain mobility issues.
Just as with kids, if a dog is running into people, it's reasonable to ask them to have it under control. It's not a question as to whether a neighbour likes kids or dogs-that's irrelevant. Any adult who chooses to have them needs to stop them disturbing people,

Completely left field - buy the treats, and then start teaching it tricks.

If it bounds up to you - no treat. Sits nicely - get a treat. Teach him to spin around, or lay down, or go through your legs, or his nose to touch your palm etc

Your son could have a great time!

God i would not tolerate this. You absolutely should not have to worry about an off lead dog not being properly controlled when walking into your own home.

I can see befriending the dog might help but I would be considering moving. !

It needs to be contained in the back garden, letting it shit on your garden is bang out of order!

I agree with the not providing treats, once he figures that out he'll be coming to you all the time.... not that I have any other ideas for you. However, the crapping in your garden is not on and I'd be really angry at that.

You could start going out in your car in the evenings when it’s dark - they might stop leaving the dog running loose when you are zooming up and down the driveway!

Have you said to them: “Is there a reason you cannot let your dog run around in your back garden? It would be safer as I’m always worried it will get in the way of the car, it would be a shame if it was run over because it’s loose.”

Why on earth are they letting it poo and wee in your garden? That's totally unacceptable even if they clean it up as you have a child who would not want to be treating in poo residue. I think the owners are awful people and shouldn't be letting their dog interfere with the lives of others. It was their choice to get a dog and it's being allowed to run free at the front of the houses. Why doesn't it use the back garden. I live right next to a playing field and I wouldn't dream of just letting my two little dogs out off their lead just to do what they like especially if it upsets other people. Please OP make a stand against them using your garden as a toilet at the very least. That's totally unacceptable.