DH and I have three children. Our eldest turns 4 in August. When he was just 6 months old he had a stroke. It was the most terrifying thing we've ever been through.
Thankfully, because he was so young he's recovered amazingly well. Most people wouldn't even know he does have a disability. It’s hidden and we have to advocate for him while he’s still so young. I worry for much the funny thing is I know by the time he’s a teenager he’ll tell me off for worrying so much.
However, it's taken years of hard work to get him where he is. Six mornings a week either I or DH gets up with him first thing to do 45 minutes of physiotherapy before breakfast because that's when he's in the best mood. He naturally favours one hand because of the stroke, so we're constantly encouraging him to use his weaker hand.
He also has regular appointments with specialists and therapists. Childhood stroke is quite rare so we've been fortunate enough to be under some fantastic specialists. DH has even been on a rehabilitation retreat with him to the Lake District etc.
Last week I took him to London for Botox treatment in his weaker hand to help with the muscle tightness. Medical Botox used to help improve function, not anything cosmetic. Unfortunately something didn't go to plan during the procedure. He's okay, but we've now been told we have to wait around three months to see what the outcome will be.
I can't explain how upsetting that's been. We've worked so hard over the last few years to give him every possible chance, and all we want is for him to be able to do everything other children can. I know I'm probably an over-worrier and one day he'll probably be a teenager telling me I worried too much, but right now I can't help it. I've cried most evenings since it happened because I keep thinking about the "what ifs", even though deep down I know he'll most likely be okay.
DH has been just as upset but his reaction was very different. He went back to the hospital to speak to the department involved and completely lost his temper. He shouted, swore and made threats in the heat of the moment. I understand why he was so angry because this is our child but I also think it crossed a line.
We had intended to make a formal complaint about how our son's treatment was handled. Instead, the hospital have now made a complaint about DH's behaviour. They've referred the situation to the safeguarding team and we have someone coming to visit our home and speak to us. They've also said they're concerned about the impact all of this has had on me because I've been so upset & DH mentioned my mental health too.
The funny thing in all of this is that DH is a doctor too and has acted this way at other specialists who are trying their best to help our son. I’ve had to take time off work as I am constantly worried, DH will need to take time off work too. It’s all too much for the both of us if I’m being honest.
I honestly feel like everything has spiralled. We've spent years doing everything we possibly can for our son. Our whole lives revolve around his appointments, therapy and helping him reach his potential. Now it feels like the focus has shifted away from what happened to him and onto us.
AIBU to think DH's reaction, although completely understandable as a frightened and angry parent, has probably made the whole situation much worse?
Has anyone else ever had a safeguarding referral after a parent lost their temper with hospital staff?