AIBU to rethink a friendship after comments about weight being a choice?

[MyCherryPiee]

I met with a friend last night and she has said something which is can’t stop thinking about and is making me quite mad.

She said being fat is a choice most of the time. She agreed that in certain cases like PCOS and medical conditions it isn’t a choice but in most cases it is a choice.

Friend is very health conscious, fit and active. She is usually quite upfront with her words but not hateful with it. I’ve never witnessed her say anything like this before. I am just appalled at this thinking from a full grown woman.

AIBU to think the comment is more complicated than she says and also in thinking I don’t want to be friends anymore?

God if only it were that simple.

We wouldn't have so many people willing to pay a small fortune for weight loss injections that potentially have serious side effects.

I'm not sure about falling out with her though. It would depend on what she's like overall as a friend.

Goodness. Ok I’ve been obese, yes it’s a disease, but a disease simply means it’s an abnormal state. It’s not contagious or infectious, it is not outwith our control.

and yes I had food noise, but I still chose to put the food in my mouth,

Who said it was simple. Many choices are hard. Almost impossible, doesn’t mean it’s not a choice.

Totally agree with this. Getting down to 25 should be easy with a reduction in portion size, cutting down on treats plus some moderate exercise. This brings you just into the healthy weight band. However getting below that requires a bit more dedication. BMI 20 is distinctly in chicken salad and no cake ever territory.

Cravings, greed, many words work.

Completely ignorant post.

You’re assuming everyone overweight is shoving takeaways in their faces when it’s just not true. Quite often it’s portion size which costs pennies. Obesity is more prevalent in people living in poverty and these people are often living hand to mouth so you cannot just assume these people can shave £25 off their food shop every week, it’s completely ridiculous.

Plus most people don’t actually stay on the lowest dose meaning the cost will rise. Ridiculous, sweeping generalisation.

Hateful?

FFS

spoken as an overweight person who needs to lose weight and is trying and not doing very well.

You’re determined to be offended, I think your friendship has to end, I myself couldn’t be friends with someone like you, my eyes would roll so far back in my head I’d see the back of my own head.

being offended on behalf of others, refusing to listen to the other side, refusing to accept what obese people themselves on here are telling you. Just determined you’re right snd you should be offended.

I would certainly end my friendship with someone who said everyone has the ability to shave £25 off their food shop to try WLI. You only have to read multiple threads on here to know that’s not possible for everyone.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so ignorant.

Its not a choice...it's a consequence. Why would anyone choose to be obese?
Consequences are the future outcome of the choices we make in the present.

OP, you just have a different interpretation of the word 'choice'. For her, choice means that you can do something about it, however hard doing so is.

You see choices as a willful decision to be how you are.

You are both correct in your own interpretation. The issue is why are you feeling so offended that you are prepared to ditch this friendship over it.

It seems pretty intolerant and closed minded to end a friendship because you don’t agree with someone’s opinions, but it’s your choice.

It sounds like your sulking because she’s hit a nerve.

It's not simple, but neither are lots of things. Doesn't mean they're still not choices.

For someone who keeps saying they're not overweight, you've got an awful lot to say about your friend's opinion.

For most it would illicit no more than an eye-roll if it didn't strike a nerve.

Addiction also works.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so ignorant
And you're externally judgemental. It might not be feasible for some people to reduce their food shop by £25 a week, but it is possible for many who do spend money on more food that they need and expensive ready meals or drinks.

It sounds as though her words were ill thought and hurtful to you.
It is a different thing people thinking being overweight is a choice, which I guess it is, but to say it out loud is another matter, especially if it may hurt a friends feelings.
i would not end the friendship but maybe tell her they potentially her words could be taken as unkind.

But she’s not overweight she’s being offended on behalf of fat people.

Yup, absolutely

Seriously OP why on earth would you ask MN's for their opinion on this issue?

They're practically feral on the subject of 'fat'. There's practically no bigger sin.

Of course people don't sit and make a conscious choice to be obese. But people do choose behaviours that lead to it. It's a case of will power. Most people know it comes down to eating too much, and they know eating less would help. They just don't choose too because it is too hard. WLI makes it easier for them as it removes food noise and compulsion to overeat. But it is always still a choice.

What a ridiculous comment, most of rhe people responding are fat.

I experience food noise non stop, I was obese this time last year. I made the choice to stop myself eating so much, I was making the choice to listen to the noise, now I'm making the choice not to

Is she British? Regardless of any merit of her statement, it’s a tactless thing to voice aloud - a bald statement on an extremely complex issue - and I think most British people wouldn’t be so crass.

My German friend is a bit like this: just says what she thinks with precisely zero consideration about how the message might land or who she might be pissing off.

And you choosing to do that helps you maintain a certain weight does it not? And if you chose not to do it, you would become heavier?

That happens to a lot of people OP.

I kind of agree with you that I find people who think they have a free pass to insult heavier people are not my kind of person. It's the way they do it as though they imagine it is a moral high-ground and not just normal unkind negativity.

And as for the "waking up every day thinking she has a choice not to be fat", she sounds a bit of a bore!