Another party etiquette one…sorry!

[Lilypad789]

Not for social media please.

Interested to hear what others think really.

Child invited over to friend’s house for birthday, not a party as such but 3 friends and the birthday girl. I accepted the invitation over text (almost immediately) the next day another child in the class invited lots of the class to their own party on the same day and the same time (she wouldn’t have knows about the other get together to be fair). Mum of original inviter approached me to ask if my child had been invited to the new party, I replied that they hadn’t. Anyway, she cancelled the little get together and said she’ll rearrange later in the holidays. Her child went to the boy’s party. Two of the three girls (including mine) weren’t invited to the boys party so I thought it was a fairly crappy thing to do really.

My OH says he’s not surprised and it’s standard behaviour. I think it’s teaching your kids that it’s okay to let people down and that it’s mean. My child was disappointed which I can manage and is part of life, all of which I explained to her but I did also say to her that I thought that it was poor on the parents’ part and that I wouldn’t never do that.

What do you think? Mean?

It was rude of the other parent to cancel. If I were you, I’d have invited the other two girls over for a play date when the the original party was to have taken place.

I don’t think it’s that big a deal, the other party is bigger and the mini playdate/party is surely easy to rearrange. I wouldn’t overthink it.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overthinking it and it’s really normal to ponder these things so you can maybe reflect on how you are as a person, it’s good for personal growth. I am just asking so that I can see what other people think because I seem to often think differently to others and don’t have a wide circle of friends to ask so I’m asking a wide, cross section of people on here. I want to hear people’s honest opinions whether they are in agreement with me or not.

Thanks. I didn’t actually realise until afterwards that one of the other girls wasn’t invited to the bigger party. I kept it very relaxed when I explained and I took my daughter out and we had a nice day so she wasn’t sat upset or anything, the other girl might have been sat on her own doing nothing though and it seems a bit harsh to me but that’s why I’m asking in here I suppose.

I dont think its great… I wouldnt do it.

I know what you mean op but I think it was just pragmatic rather than rude. They’ll rearrange and it’ll be fine. That’s what you need to be telling your child too. Build resilience.

Well I kind of did do that. I said to my child that I wouldn’t do that but could understand why they did. We won’t have cross words or anything and no-one is upset so I’m happy with how I dealt with it. I just wondered what others thought. We talk about resilience all the time and I gave this as an example of what resilience can look like. I can kind of tell already that it’s going to be like a 50/50 thing.

I would like to add that I am working really hard on building resilience in my children and that I have definitely handled this in a way that encourages that. I am also not planning on falling out with anyone, nor am I sat overthinking or upset. I have older children and certainly don’t let things like this upset me anymore. I was just curious as my OH thought it was really normal and I don’t.

Also, I think it’s easy to accuse OP of not teaching their children this and that (without any evidence that they haven’t) without thinking about what the other person could have taught their children. For example, I believe that part of being a good friend is sticking to a commitment you have made, not cancelling when you receive a better offer. I certainly would have used this a lesson for my child if it had been her get together. As it happens she allowed her child to attend something knowing that 2 of her friends she had made solid plans with weren’t invited to.

YABU.

A bit more detail would be helpful tbh. Like, YBU - the child should be allowed to cancel plans for something more exciting / expensive.

It's just one of those things. Your husband is correct, and you are making too big an issue of it.

How old is your DD?

8

This really doesn’t seem like a huge thing. It was a play date, easy to shift. I agree with your husband and would have just brushed it off without a massive conversation about it.

Okay thanks. There was no massive conversation, a 5-10 minute chat with daughter who was absolutely fine and then a quick convo with OH (not husband) No-one in this house knows I’ve posted on here, I’m not upset, I’ve spoken to the other via text since and seen her twice. I’m merely looking for opinions but women just seem to think we’re all sat upset as soon as we do so, it’s really off putting.

It makes sense to me to rearrange the play date.

She was only inviting 3 kids and it's up to her when she does that.

It's not like your 8 year old is going to miss out, assuming she'll be re-invited on another day?

I think it’s fine for the parent to cancel her own child’s party. She realised the day and time clashed with another party.

It would have been rude if you had pulled out of her party in favour of the bigger party.

It wasn't even a party, it was a play date that got re-arranged.

I agree, it was just a play date. As long as she communicated in a kind way eg sorry to let the girls down but lo would really like to attend party, pls can we rearrange ?

It’s certainly not standard behaviour. I think it’s poor if she had confirmed the most of children were still going. It’s like she cancelled her child’s own party for a better offer!

I think it was an ok thing to do. She didn’t lie or be sneaky about it and she said she will rearrange the little get together. I don’t this this is something your daughter needs to be resilient about - Although that would depend how it was prepared to her.

Im assuming it wasn’t changed that last minute as the party invite so it’s not like it was a last minute thing.

That’s disappointing, I can understand that her daughter probably wanted to go to the party but it feels a bit mean that two girls ended up being left out. I think it might have
been nicer if she’d said let’s do it next weekend and actually got another date in the diary rather than a vague we’ll
rearrange at some point.

I take it the invite for the mini playdate later on still stands, so I don't get the problem at all. It kinda make sense that the bigger party took over but it's not cancellation, it's just pushed back.

I don't get the issue, certainly not one to worry about or get upset. It's fine, it's called life, plans change.

She's re-arranged her child's play date because the child has been invited to a party.

Really quite sensible imo.

And if the OP's DC had been invited to the party, I doubt she'd be annoyed at all.

I don’t think you can say you’re not making a big deal out of it while making a big deal out of it by posting on the internet about it.

You’re really overthinking it. The other parent was quite within their rights to change the plan as their child had been invited elsewhere on the same day.

It’s a bit rude that they didn’t rebook it, but the parent doesn’t owe you or your daughter anything.