AIBU to wonder if giving cash to a stranded tourist was naive

[LovingLilacDuck]

I just got approach by a tourist woman in Paddington who said she got her purse stolen in Oxford Street. She asked me for some cash as she had to put blockage on all her bank cards because they were stolen. And she needed the cash to go to her hotel or something like that. She was good looking, she said she was a lawyer from Amsterdam and was soft spoken but also a little nervous. And she was so happy when I gave her the cash that she gave me a hug and thanked me in a genuine way.

I helped her because she seemed genuine. Of course, there is a chance she could be a scammer herself so a part of me feels a bit sad and naive. But I just want to hope that she wasn’t and I helped a woman in need.

What would you do in this situation? I am just curious. xx

Why couldn’t she call someone she knew to come and get her?

It sounds harsh, but this is the size of it. All scammers play on trust and either kindness or fear, but the only reason they still keep doing it is because enough people fall for them. If they work on a success rate of, for argument's sake, 5% of intended marks, that's 19 people who have been disturbed, delayed, made to wonder if they are bad people, harassed, threatened, in fear for their safety... for every one person who says "Well, even if they aren't genuine, I've still done a kind thing". If their success rate is lower than 5%, your acquiescence has directly led to even more than 20 people being harassed.

I also think that these people genuinely believe that the money they've been scammed out of will at least give somebody a nice harmless treat. On the contrary, you've financially supported a drug dealer by funding their customer (and kept the addict in fear and in their grip and a step further away from the necessary rock bottom that could lead to them turning their life around); you've supported an organised criminal gang, people traffickers, abusers, exploiters and similar. You've not only funded their purposes, but also supported their enterprise in harassing people in the street - because you've helped them by bumping up their numbers to make it all worthwhile. Although you genuinely hoped/thought that you'd done a kind thing, you've actually unwittingly done a very bad thing indeed.

It’s so frustrating reading comments by people who realise this is quite possibly a scam but think they’re very kind hearted because they would give money to a person in this scenario anyway.

You’re just funding criminal gangs, you’re encouraging them to keep coming out and scamming more people. Maybe the next person they target will be more vulnerable than you and they’ll hand over money that they can’t afford to lose.

If you want to be kind hearted in this type of scenario, then you should help the woman find the nearest police officer.

I know that OP had good intentions, but this was 100% a scam and she hasn’t done a good thing today.

You just don’t it’s definitely a scam.

Maybe she didn’t know anyone in Edinburgh?

You had a rough day and then someone came along and made you feel good so yeah I think she was absolutely genuine and yeah there’s loads of scammers in London classy looking ones mainly but the woman who spoke to you wasn’t she was genuine and you really helped save her day

On the one hand, the world needs kind people like you. On the other hand, the scammers need kind people like you.

My immediate thought is “kind”, but I’ve become more cynical/waryover the last few years. I would probably have offered to accompany her to a police station to report things and to get a crime number. Justifying it as she’d need a formal crime number for a travel insurance claim (telling myself that, if she’s genuine and smartly dressed then she’d have travel insurance and want to do things properly).

Scammers come in all guises and, sadly, a common one is a smart looking female.

Unfortunately this type of thing is pretty much guaranteed to be a scam

Really good advice to throw out an alternative to break the flow. Most scams rely on a sense of urgency. Making it less 'urgent' gives you a chance to take back some control and use your logic.

I can’t believe that people are still falling for such well known scams like the ones mentioned in this thread. I agree with the other posters who have said thst people who hand over their money to people like this are actually causing more harm than good. It makes me think of the man who sits outside my local branch of TK Maxx every day with his dog, claiming to be homeless. He actually lives in a flat in a very nice block and drives a much better car than I can afford. But people still fall for his sob stories every day.

The Dutch embassy is a 30 minute walk from Paddington. Lovely walk through Hyde Park. Not that she would actually have been Dutch.

Next time this happens to you offer help, not money. She was 100% scamming you. She would have been able to use her Dutch phone and bank cards to tap in for the tube.

I had a very similar sob story at Paddington a few years ago, although I didn't believe the woman.
OP's scenario could just be true, however, and if in doubt it's probably better to help someone than not. That's what I thought until I got to the £30 bit, that is. In London she'd need a fiver max to get pretty much anywhere. Thirty? I smell a big fat rat.

Yeah, I figured she didn’t, if it was a “strange city” to her. Why couldn’t she phone a parent or relative or other friend? It doesn’t sound like she was from outside the UK.

It's a scam. There is one outside Liverpool Street station.

It’s a pretty standard scam. Got caught myself with the same sob story on Tottenham Court Road for my last fiver and saw the same woman week after week. She was very convincing. When she approached me another time I said ‘no you took my last fiver the other week remember?’ She told me to fuck off and scarpered.
Next time just say no or offer to get her an Uber to her hotel and see them panic!

I think that wanting to help someone is a very natural reaction. And it’s also very difficult if you feel put on the spot.

As others have said, try to take a quick pause and then offer “practical” help. Those that are just after quick hard cash will soon find a way to not accept your kindness. It will be a very obvious shift in how they interact with you if you offer practical rather than monetary help.

Oh dear OP, I think you need to read up on scams and how to avoid them.
As PPs have said people who allow themselves to be scammed are a big part of the problem. If there were less of them there would be a lot less scammers about. There is plenty of information about common scams, I think people should take five minutes to educate themselves.
There is nothing kind or charitable about giving money to scammers. It means that genuine charities and people in genuine need get less.

It baffles me how people don’t know that this is an obvious scam. There is so much information out there about scams.

Forget about this one op and just learn for next time.

My friend got scammed at a tourist place in Florida by someone asking for money for a bus, in exchange for a gift card they had on them. Of course the gift card had nothing on it.

Never give money.

Does it matter if it was a scam? You did a nice thing.

A few months ago I was approached at St Pancras by an older lady (60's? runny make up as if she'd been crying), who started with a spiel of "thank you so much for stopping and listening, most people turn away..." She spoke very fast and soon asked for some money (whatever I was willing to give) to help her get a place to sleep tonight. I said "sorry I cant help" and swiftly walked away. In my gut I knew it was a scam, but even so part of me felt uncomfortable - what if she was genuine and i was being mean/stingy.. then I remembered this is what scammers rely on and she's probably been there all day trying to scam other women.
I'm not a Londoner btw and rarely visit London but no way I'll be giving any money to these randoms. I just feel bad for older people who are vulnerable and easy to fall victim to such things.

Yes. It does.

and no she didn’t. She made sure that the lowlife got confirmation that scamming is a lucrative pursuit.

stop telling these gullible fools they’re doing a good thing. They’re not. They’re literally responsible for the fact these scams exist.

without the gullible there is no market.

the only response should be no.

This line is as old as the hills. I once gave a woman cash who told me the same thing in Paris. She seemed so anxious. I saw her a week later trotting out the same story. I confronted her but felt bad after as presumably someone has to be quite desperate to be standing on the street essentially begging.

Fair enough. I prefer my world to yours.

Yes well known scam. Just keep walking if someone approaches you.