AIBU to wonder if giving cash to a stranded tourist was naive

[LovingLilacDuck]

I just got approach by a tourist woman in Paddington who said she got her purse stolen in Oxford Street. She asked me for some cash as she had to put blockage on all her bank cards because they were stolen. And she needed the cash to go to her hotel or something like that. She was good looking, she said she was a lawyer from Amsterdam and was soft spoken but also a little nervous. And she was so happy when I gave her the cash that she gave me a hug and thanked me in a genuine way.

I helped her because she seemed genuine. Of course, there is a chance she could be a scammer herself so a part of me feels a bit sad and naive. But I just want to hope that she wasn’t and I helped a woman in need.

What would you do in this situation? I am just curious. xx

Buying drugs or financing organised crime exploiting trafficked people...

A scam and they hug you to see what else they can steal.

i am surprised you had cash - who has cash?
i would have suggested an oyster card to her - no idea, because i dont have cash

This is a well known scam. I live in London and was stopped by someone asking the exact same thing. I didnt have any cash on me at the time and I felt really guilty about it. The next day, I was in the same area and saw the same woman doing it again - exactly the same routine. She was asking lots of people. This was a Brit though, not someone who was Dutch.

Do you also reply to all of the emails from Nigerian princes and the widows of assassinated millionaire political dissidents who need your help in getting millions of dollars out of their own countries - just in case one of them happens to be genuine?

In the same way as your local pizza company will push 10,000 leaflets through everybody's doors, knowing very well that only a small - but worthwhile - amount of them will lead to sales, these professional scammers will happily target 100 people a day if they get maybe 5 of them to hand over money - meaning that that small proportion makes it all worthwhile for them.

And if you look at the demographic whom they target, it's going to be much more geared towards women and elderly people. Giving to these people is sending them a very clear message that harassing and deceiving women and old folk is a lucrative enterprise, and one that's certainly worth their while to continue doing.

I wouldn’t have even broken my stride! 🤣

Your world is where elderly people get scammed out of their life savings by chancers like this

I had this exact same scam this week. I’ve heard of it before so told her she should be ashamed of herself and she slunk off.

Also sorry you had a bad day but never let them hug you, they’re searching your pockets.

When you give people money in those situations, you accept that it might be a scam. You know you'll never see the money again and just hope for the best.

Tbh find it unusual that if she was really a lawyer she has ended up in a situation where she has to beg money from random passers by. It could happen, but it seems very unlikely.

Honestly I think it was likely a scam, but you shouldn't let that minimise the fact that you tried to do a good thing in the moment and are a good person - the world needs more like you 👏 and from this thread you will be more aware next time.

I was once crossing the road outside Kings Cross St Pancras when a young woman approached me on the traffic island. She said that she had nowhere to go and was in need of money for food.

I turned around and pointed out Camden Town Hall which is almost opposite, saying that she should go straight in there and ask for help. She shot me a look of hatred and ran off…

The funny thing is that I would help someone, it’s just the way that she had approached me, in the middle of a road crossing, just gave very strong vibes of trying to distract someone. She was also somewhat too ‘glossy’ looking for her story.

Come off it. OP did what she did from a place of goodness.

We don't let a few scammers erode that to make us hard and cold.

After this thread, OP will have more awareness next time and probably will make a different choice.

Personally, I'm glad that there are warm and generous people in the world who care about strangers.

Yes, I'm wondering how the 'business' model of these people will change once fewer and fewer people are using cash. Maybe that's another reason why they particularly target elderly victims: because they're more likely to carry cash or to be willing to go to an ATM than younger groups?

There are modern alternatives for food vans, kiosks, charity collectors and even buskers to accept money from customers/donors; but it's surely a bit tricky to pull off a 'this terrible one-off thing has just happened to me out of the blue and I need your help' scam if you then happen to have a Sum-up machine ready and waiting!

I suppose they could ask for a money transfer, but then that requires them to give you their name, and it can be easily traced - and I suspect that the well-meaning folk who will hand a £20 note to a stranger will be far more reluctant to transfer money to them for various reasons. How will they explain receiving thousands a month in loads of small one-off payments from all kinds of strangers into their banks? I'm sure HMRC would be interested.

How does it even work if they have their bank details to hand and the means to receive an electronic payment, if they've supposedly had their cards and/or phone stolen?!

I personally don't want cash to die out; but I guess this could at least be one benefit for when it finally does.

I'm not really referring to the OP's specific thing, more the view that we should be "nice" at all costs. This applies particularly to women and its why women are often the victims of scams

I bet this woman wasn't Dutch either. It's just more helpful for the narrative that she's stranded abroad (but still conveniently from a 'reputable' wealthy country) - and, if necessary, it's a language that very few Brits will be familiar with for online verification purposes of who they are.

I'm from a main city and this sounds like a story that every single scammer in the city has!

Ah ok, well I get that (and agree).

But I don't think we should shout random people down for doing something from a place of generosity and concern for a stranger, and imply that someone defending that is the cause of elder abuse.

That's not a world I want to live in, either.

I also don't think that @CurlewKate was saying everyone should be nice at all costs - that's a bit of an extrapolation.

ExDP does. He had all his cards nicked out of his pocket abroad. Luckily his passport was in another pocket and that was not taken. The hotel had a safe.

He also had all his cards, his car keys, his spare car key and his house keys nicked out of his pockets in a locker at the swimming pool. He went there on his lunch break from the office. I said to him at the time, who walks round with both sets of car keys? And who takes their car and house keys to the pool when they are walking there from the office?

Some people have no common sense. Note the ‘ex’.

No of course OP did a good thing. I agree.

But equally if she had felt uncomfortable giving money that doesn’t make her a bad person either. Not giving money to a stranger doesn’t mean you are an unkind or uncaring person either and often that’s the implication in many threads I see on MN.

If a situation makes you uncomfortable or hesitant it’s ok to say no

You were scammed and I’m amazed you fell for it

Not a Londoner but I’m in London an awful lot for work. Unfortunately there are people who will randomly approach you asking for money all the time. Most usually just ask for spare change though. I have a feeling this was a scam. She will have probably waited until you’d gone to play the trick on someone else… then someone else.

As a pp said, if you really wanted to help her, then buying her a tube ticket would have sufficed and cost you far less. I find it hard to believe that in London, in this day and age that people need a taxi to get about when just about everywhere in London is within a few minutes walk of a tube or train station.

I remember being in SW London and there was this guy in a hi vis walking around with a petrol can looking a bit pissed off. He approached me "what it is, is that my van has run out of petrol and I just need a few quid's worth to get home can I help?". I knew it was BS and just said that I didnt have any cash on me.

What was funny was that a few weeks later he was doing the exact same thing in the same place, This time when he approached me I just laughed and said "I dont think so mate" in a way that showed I knew what he was doing.

Years ago my DH and I were approached by a well-spoken young woman from my European home country asking for cash for a night in a hotel. I travelled a lot on my own when I was young, experienced the kindness of strangers and hated the idea of a young woman left vulnerable in London at night. After talking to her for a while (she told me a few things about herself and gave me her home address), we checked her into a cheap hotel in Russell Square and paid for one night. When we were about to leave the hotel, I glanced back and saw her walking back to the reception, clearly trying to get the money back. I have sometimes wondered if I should have contacted the people at the home address (if genuine!) to alert them what her granddaughter was doing in London.

He's not even trying! How many vans run on petrol, rather than diesel?!

Apart from anything, unless you have a very ropey fuel gauge, it's not like it comes as a surprise to you when you're going to need to fill up - it's a standard part of driving to anticipate when you'll be able to buy more fuel; and to plan whether you can afford to do a journey before setting off.

Only a supreme idiot would just merrily get in and keep driving until the vehicle stopped because the last dregs of fuel were gone, and then go around asking strangers for money to buy them some more!

100% scam. Why would a touristwalk the 2 miles from Oxford St to Paddington station straight after being mugged? Obviously you choose Paddington if you are a scammer as it is busy and has a high amount of tourists (Heathrow Express comes in to there). Sadly the Paddington area also has a lot of prostitutes and drug users.

In our area of London we hve an "Italian tourist" who needs money to get back home after a bike accident - to give him his due he does has a bike and a grazed leg. Funnily enough he is a very unlucky cyclist and clearly loves the UK a lot as I have seen him sadly puhing his bike arkund by the station at least four times in the last couple of years.

Does doing the nice thing apply to any scam?