AIBU pet sitting

[MyPerkyGoldFish]

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

No wonder she can go on 16 day holidays with all the money you have saved her looking after her pets.

Seems more a like a Menagerie than the usual few household pets ..

Don't agree that you or your family will look after her pets again in the future.
And consider what sort of friend she really is.

Think piss taker?

She wants your kids to take responsibilty for these animals so you are their Mum and you say no. You will be pushed again by her " 5mins" and again " it does not work for us". I would rather feel uncomfortable protecting my own kids from this big responsibility than suffer the consequences of the feeling you would when somethi g significant happens to go wrong ( like missing or ill animals). She herself as an educator would not accept certain responsibility because he who takes responsibility takes the blame. This situation does not suit your family at this time. And if she gives a sob story nod and point how yiur health has changed everything. If she gefs irate that is on her ...not you. You have done enough ( pitiful money too!! £30)

I would go so far as telling her that it’s inappropriate to go directly to your kids to request this. You are the one who ends up doing the work and at the moment it’s all to much for you.

If they want all those pets and all those holidays they can pay a professional pet sitter. It’s absolutely wrong to expect you to do it and to involve your kids like that. It’s also really cruel to lock the cats out the house for two weeks.

I'm feeling potentially I may be a bad pet owner and inconsiderate neighbour as Ive never (bar once) paid my neighbours for pet sitting. We usually take our 2 dogs with us. So pet sitting has been 1 cat and the hens. We always split it between 2-3 people so it wasnt too much. The cat was topping up dry food & water every couple of days, the hens daily checking the automatic door opener and their water & collecting eggs. The cat always had an open cat flap and access to continous food and water. We always brought our neighbours something nice and a bottle of wine.

The only time we ever paid someone was the few occasions we didnt take our dogs & paid neighbours' son to housesit.

However we"ve looked after our neighbour's hens and had our friends and ndn's dogs multiple times whenever any of them went away for the day or on holiday. So it was very much quid pro quo.

OP I think you need to tell your children not to agree to look after the pets in future without talking to you first.

And I think you need to say to your friend she needs to ask you directly, not the children to see if you can. I'd say to her your children arent always aware of what family things are happening and that its usually you doing everything anyway because they dont end up helping much. I'd also say that you are currently quite ill and the hospital is investigating what is causing it. You are often feeling ill and exhausted all time and just cant take extra things on.

However we"ve looked after our neighbour's hens and had our friends and ndn's dogs multiple times whenever any of them went away for the day or on holiday. So it was very much quid pro quo.

Totally different. I’ve always done either quid pro quo or paying & they come to the same thing.

She's abandoning her cats outside for 16 days and refusing them entry to their home?.... No.... It's HER fault it buggered off and id be calling cats protection not bloody feeding them!.

My friend is a pet-sitter and it is at least £20 a day for two visits (cat/ rabbit/ dog), extra animals cost extra depending on their needs. She basically doesn’t quote an exact price until she knows the requirements - she’ll give a price range depending on type of animal.
Your ‘friend’ has got a bargain at £30 and a bar of chocolate!

OP is going through a hard time with a cancer related issue as well as other things and this thread has blown up, she probably got her answer and is now just trying to get through her day as best she can.