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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU pet sitting

100 replies

MyPerkyGoldFish · 18/07/2026 19:18

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

OP posts:
squirrelchops2 · 19/07/2026 13:06

She knows how much paying someone properly to do this would cost so is being a cheeky fucker.

cupfinalchaos · 19/07/2026 13:09

She’s taking the piss. Let’s just hope she doesn’t just piss off and leave them without food or water. How awful she locks the cats out for all that time. We pay £35 for someone to work from our kitchen and be around for cats.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/07/2026 13:15

It’s £35 a day for pet visits in London where I am. One visit a day. She is a massive cheeky fucker.

nonevernotever · 19/07/2026 13:25

I used to pay £30 a day for my two indoor cats for two visits a day. I now have three cats that go out and have booked my usual pet sitter for our next holiday. I'm proposing £50 a day for two visits - an hour and a half in total each day. They're all elderly cats with different requirements and medications. I know my sitter will look after them very well, and the rates I pay reflect the responsibility, the time involved and the effort she will put in.

Looking after all of your friend's animals properly represents a significant commitment in terms of time and effort (and wtf - she locks the poor cats out for a fortnight while she's away???). It's certainly not just a question of just shoving food down twice a day. They need interaction (at the very least to check that they are still well!), dishes cleaning, hutches, litter trays etc cleaning, grooming etc etc.

Edited to say and that would be a huge commitment if you were well. I'm recovering from cancer treatment and still feel really really tired even a couple of months after the active treatments finished, so I cannot see how you can possibly do this without it meaning you do nothing at all with your own family. All your energy would be devoted to looking after her animals.

Wetcoatsandmudagain · 19/07/2026 13:39

You don’t shut cats out for 16 days you book a cattery. Lizards are a specialist pet and lots can go wrong with Rabbits so it’s too much responsibility to give children for that length of time. I wouldn’t feel guilty saying no she needs to take proper responsibility for her pets. Beyond cheeky

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 19/07/2026 13:42

We tend to have MIL or our neighbour feed our cat - both of whom have cats so we do the same in return. We were last away for one night in March, and our neighbour came in in the evening then again in the morning. In the morning he sat out in the garden with a coffee for half an hour so our cat could have a wander out, and I know he actually popped back to say good night and settle the cat at about midnight, but both of those were his choice. He had a giant Easter egg waiting for him when he arrived, then I took through a bottle of wine when we got back. So about £20 in gifts (plus use of our coffee machine) for that one visit. Your friend is an absolute piss taker!

We have a family down our street who have four cats, and a few years ago the lady asked if I would take care of them for a week - I teach so am off all summer. She offered me £100 but I actually said no as I had a lot planned and felt like I couldn’t commit to the time slots she wanted. I also felt awkward about payment. I gave her the details of a cat sitter a friend uses, and I know she used her and it was £12 per visit then.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/07/2026 14:48

I would say on return (well, I wouldn’t have agreed to do it actually, but…) that it was too much for me and I wouldn’t be pet sitting for anyone in future. Say the kids are too young/unreliable so it falls on me, no matter what they had agreed to, so to make sure you get proper plans in place next time.

And tell your kids that if she talks to them to not agree and say to speak to you.

OutAndAbouting · Yesterday 18:24

MyPerkyGoldFish · 18/07/2026 19:18

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

This is crazy. I'm going away next month for 17 days and I have three neighbours and a family member set up. They will be sharing the care, and I am paying the kids (9 and 10) £5 per day for feeding.

Pessismistic · Yesterday 19:35

H op I think the first you should say is please don’t ask the kids about pet sitting there not old enough to make these decisions and they don’t know our family calendar so it’s pointless asking them. Also if she knew her parents were away why didn’t she ask you to do first week. I think you need to say now you have so many pets it might be better to get professional help as I would hate if something happened while you were away I don’t want to be responsible for them tbh.

Laura95167 · Yesterday 21:37

Its not asking for a favour if you hold a refusal over someones head.

Id say to her, I dont mind helping out sometimes but im having a hard time atm and im not happy that you're asking my children to commit to such a level of responsibility. (Shes doing that to force your hand)

And tbh her response will show you who she is

Bristolandlazy · Yesterday 21:41

No on the basis she's asked your children instead of you. Say no, you'll find out how much of a friend you really are.. Shame on her for keeping the cats out and for not being realistic about how long it all takes.

SuchiRolls · Yesterday 22:08

I think considering what you are going through she’s taking the piss. The kids being asked is irrespective as you are actually the one doing the feeding. Your friends assumed you’d do it without asking. That’s a them problem. I wouldn’t consider someone that just made an assumption without consideration like this, to be my friend tbh.

Followthesunshine · Yesterday 22:21

I couldn't have someone as a friend who chucks their cats outside for 2 weeks, that is cruel. And then that friend asks your children for favours without speaking to you first. This is not a good person.

CatherinedeBourgh · Yesterday 22:34

MyPerkyGoldFish · 18/07/2026 22:06

Thanks it's nice to hear other opinions. I think the critical voice inside my head says I'm being mean to think this and that I should just do it because she's asked. Obviously I'm terrible at saying no.

Just out of interest, how much do people think is reasonable to pay for this? She's previously given my son/me £30 and a bar of chocolate for looking after them for a week. I've no idea what these things cost as never had pets as an adult and although we had a cat as a child we could never afford to go on holiday

I think I'll do the week this time as I've said I will but I definitely will be trying to distance myself a bit from it.

It's also the worry, last time we did it (a week) one of her cats wandered off and didn't come back for 5 days. I really worried that it was my fault.

I pay between 10 and 20 per animal per day. So for 5 cats I would expect a minimum of 50 quid, rabbits and lizard a bit less. For a couple of weeks I pay a grand (one dog, two cats).

tesseractor · Yesterday 23:01

Moonnstarz · 19/07/2026 08:48

So many irresponsible pet owners on here. Surely when you book a holiday you then immediately arrange proper care for your pets. It is cheeky to expect neighbours to do it for a week, let alone 16 days!
If they couldn't go away when they wanted that is on them.

I book the cat cover before I book the holiday - it’s easier to find another holiday if it gets booked up in the time between getting the cat sorted and booking the holiday than the other way round.

Enigma54 · Yesterday 23:17

This “ friend” is taking the absolute piss OP. She needs to pay a professional pet sitter, not ask your children; that’s out of order.

Out of curiosity, how are the rabbits housed? ( please don’t say they are locked in cages?)

BeanQuisine · Today 02:13

Five cats continually on the prowl will be killing lots of birds and other wildlife. Seems very irresponsible and for that reason alone I would refuse.

BruFord · Today 02:17

£30 for a week of pet sitting multiple pets is peanuts. She should be paying at least £10.day IMO, if not more.

DogearedPaperbackWriter · Today 03:48

YANBU! If anything, I'd say you're doing too much. She shouldn't assume you'll do it, and asking your kids directly instead of going through you (if she even did) is not the right way to do these things. She has to know that when kids agree to jobs like pet-sitting, the parent still ends up inconvenienced.

She knows you're having health problems and feeling worn out. She shouldn't be adding more stress to your life. I'd refuse to do it again.

One of the reasons I don't go away from home is my dogs. I have family very nearby who have offered to check in on them and feed them, but my dogs would still be unhappy with such a drastic change to their routine. I've accustomed them to a certain way of living, and changing that wouldn't be fair. Pets require sacrifices, be it the freedom to come and go exactly as you please or the cost of hiring an actual pet-sitter instead of imposing on a friend or neighbour who clearly doesn't want the responsibility of caring for your pets.

TimeDoesntStandStill · Today 04:21

MyPerkyGoldFish · 18/07/2026 22:06

Thanks it's nice to hear other opinions. I think the critical voice inside my head says I'm being mean to think this and that I should just do it because she's asked. Obviously I'm terrible at saying no.

Just out of interest, how much do people think is reasonable to pay for this? She's previously given my son/me £30 and a bar of chocolate for looking after them for a week. I've no idea what these things cost as never had pets as an adult and although we had a cat as a child we could never afford to go on holiday

I think I'll do the week this time as I've said I will but I definitely will be trying to distance myself a bit from it.

It's also the worry, last time we did it (a week) one of her cats wandered off and didn't come back for 5 days. I really worried that it was my fault.

I recently booked a cat sitter on "cat in a flat", I chose the cheapest sitter who was new profile with no reviews yet, near to me, she was £11 per visit for 1 cat.

We needed mornings and evenings so was £22 per day.

Other sitters with lots of reviews and experience were charging up to £25 per visit for 1 cat, so up to £50 per morning and evening visit per day.

Your "friend" has been taking the piss out of you and your kids.

LivingTheDreamish · Today 04:35

This is an outrageous imposition and I’m mad on your behalf. The cheek of the woman to ask your children first and then present it to you as a done deal. Please tell her you’ve had a change of heart because of all the things you have going on right now and can no longer help with pet care. She needs to use a proper pet sitting service or not go holiday. She is not your friend.

notatinydancer · Today 04:52

Just looked on my local Cat in a Flat site. They are charging £13-35 a visit !!

Rubyupbeat · Today 04:58

MyPerkyGoldFish · 18/07/2026 22:06

Thanks it's nice to hear other opinions. I think the critical voice inside my head says I'm being mean to think this and that I should just do it because she's asked. Obviously I'm terrible at saying no.

Just out of interest, how much do people think is reasonable to pay for this? She's previously given my son/me £30 and a bar of chocolate for looking after them for a week. I've no idea what these things cost as never had pets as an adult and although we had a cat as a child we could never afford to go on holiday

I think I'll do the week this time as I've said I will but I definitely will be trying to distance myself a bit from it.

It's also the worry, last time we did it (a week) one of her cats wandered off and didn't come back for 5 days. I really worried that it was my fault.

It's definitely not your fault that the cat wandered off. Your friend isn't a very caring person to boot her animals out whilst she is away, poor things

Roseonthebalcony · Today 06:01

Have you changed the details of this thread as I think if she read it she would know it was about her straight away?