AIBU pet sitting

[MyPerkyGoldFish]

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

When I’ve used a pet sitter it cos me £15 a visit so £30 a day. Now he goes into a cattery or as they like to call it luxury cat hotel 😂 which is £20 a day includes food if your cat eats the standard types. Taking the piss with £30 and a bar of chocolate. But also they shouldn’t book a holiday without lining up pet sitting first and if you can’t do it you can’t do it.

i have a dog and live close to dog friendly family but I still pay a sitter. Normally costs me £600 or so for a week so it’s not cheap but it was my choice to get a dog. Your neighbours are CFers. Just say no, their pets aren’t your issue to solve!

If your 16 year old has agreed to it then let him do it & don't step in to help if he's flaky. Once she realises it's too big a responsibility for him & he can't manage it she'll stop asking hoprefully.

She is able to change the day she goes on holiday at extremely short notice? Ok so that's fine then. Why should it be your responsibility and why is she trying to guilt trip you? She's chaotic, and she needs to pay someone willing and able to do the job!

You need to be firm and say you can't do it at all and she needs a professional pet sitter. You can't have loads of animals of all different species and just expect random kids to care for them for weeks?!

Tell her to never ask your children directly again. And frankly don’t help her again. What a bitch.

This. And tbh, I can't believe no one else said it till now!

I would tell her I'm reporting her to the RSPCA if she doesn't let the cats in the house. Too much stress for the cats and for you! She is an appalling pet owner and 'friend'. She's not showing you or the pets any care or consideration.

I occasionally feed my friends' cats and put the mice and voles in the garden - dead or alive. Cats can roam in the house and garden freely or stay in the house. But I am never asked to do all the visits even for a weekend, and never if I'm not well enough, she makes sure she has a number of adults she can ask.

From google "Locking cats out for over two weeks—relying only on garden food drops—raises serious welfare and legal concerns:

• Legal Responsibilities: Under the Animal Welfare Act 2006, pet owners have a legal duty to provide a safe and suitable environment for their animals. Failing to meet these needs—including abandoning them outside without shelter—can be investigated as animal neglect, which carries severe penalties."
• Exposure and Shelter: Cats require adequate shelter, especially during unpredictable UK weather. If they are locked out, they are left vulnerable to extreme temperatures, rain, and stress from being forced to defend their territory from other neighbourhood cats.
• Welfare Standards: Animal welfare charities, including the RSPCA. advise that cats should not be left unattended for extended periods. A 16-day period without supervision inside the house or regular human interaction does not meet basic care requirements.
• Safety and Accidents: Unsupervised outdoor cats face significant hazards, including the risk of getting lost, being hit by cars, or encountering wildlife."

Rabbits need space to run and jump as a basic care requirement and safe shelter from predators.

I never book a holiday until I have pet care arranged first. I pay £50 per day (more for weekends and bank holidays) for a local house sitter to look after my dog or for him to go to the dog trainer's house.

You are being used op! Say no and stick to it, you will soon find out if she is a real friend or not.

I pay £60 a day for dog sitter to stay with my dog, plus extras like a food hamper, wine etc.

She’s a CF and a shit pet owner. Leaving her cats roaming around with no shelter or place of safety, complete arsehole. I have family who sometimes look after my dog for a day or two but I also have three licensed dog boarders who do the main caring whilst I’m away. Don’t have pets if you don’t want the responsibility and cost that comes with them.

Written as someone who has just done months of chemo pre breast cancer surgery….

tell her NO and mean it.

You are not the solution to her holiday pet issue and you certainly cannot be right now. You have more than enough on your plate and tbh if anything dodge is found on any screening anything you can find yourself spending a hell of a lot of time at various hospital departments and all at barely any notice. Please factor that in to help you state NO.

When I've had neighbours' kids popping in to sit my cat (two feeds a day and an hour of companionship) I pay £20 a day and a bonus at the end. They also bring in packages (and the post when I've lived somewhere it doesn't come through the door), put the bins out and bring them back in, and water the plants.

Still a lot cheaper than a professional sitter and cheaper and a lot better for our cat than a cattery.

She shouldn't have booked without talking to you about it first and arranging other care. It's not fair on you or her animals.

We pretty much never go away for more than 4 nights because of our pets! If we don't have appropriate pet care one of us doesn't go. If you choose to have animals that's just the situation you're in!

I have been ill with terrible fatigue and people don’t understand how debilitating that is. This will be too tiring for you. Just say no and if she’s a good friend she will understand. If she’s funny with you she’s not a good friend. Also asking your children to do it is out of order because they’re not old enough to do that in their own so it’s still you going. She’s a bit of a piss taker I think. 16 days as well. What a cheek!

In a cattery she would be paying around £12 per day for each cat at the lowest end in this area (SW England). So for 5 cats that's £60. She is making a fool of you with £30 for one week. Plus the other animals.

Your Doctor's opinion is needed as your immune system isn't up to full speed I suspect. So a very hard NO.

Omg they don’t let the cats in the house while they are away?? How stressful and cruel for the cats to not be able to get in their home - it’s like they’ve been abandoned. More of a risk they will wander off.
I’d say going forward you aren’t doing it and not to approach the kids

that would be really cruel to the animals.
OP, others have made good points. You health is a huge issue. Tell her that your son has always needed your support to do it and you can no longer give it so she needs to find a professional sitter

Well none of you can do it so just say no.

Poor animals, I’d be reporting her for neglect leaving pet cats outside for 16 days straight whether they are fed or not.

Apart from the other animals, lizards carry salmonella so not good if your immune system is compromised at the minute.

She is a piss taker. What if you had a holiday of your own? After this say in no uncertain terms you are not going to do it anymore. Not your problem.

I pay my pet sitter £60 a day for 2 dogs (£80 9f sleeping over). That amount of pets would be more. She’s taking you for a ride, I am afraid. You need to say that no, your kids cannot pet sit as you cannot offer to assist or cover should they be ill or want to go away with dad/friends due to your health issues. State that regardless of what the kids may have said when she asked them, YOU do not give permission for them to help at this time (sorry - seriously CFery btw to ask them behind your back).

They will need to get help elsewhere or pay the full whack for a professional service.

Set some boundaries and please don’t feel guilty. Now is the time to take care of you and that is enough. No reason needs giving. Sorry pet sitting is not something we can commit to on this occasion you will need to make alternative arrangements.

Keep saying no and your children too. She can get a pet sitter. It's fine for a day or two but not for so long. You've other things on your plate, put yourself first.

She's also a knob for not allowing her cats to come and go and leaving them outside, yuck.

It’s not uncommon, she’s a user.

It’s a very low blow saying she’s asked your DCs. What type of manipulative person does that. It’s emotional blackmail.

Tell her it’s not a good time (you don’t need to justify yourself), and strictly not to rely on your DCs, because it will undoubtedly fall on your shoulders.

She is absolutely taking the piss. I pay £75 a day for a house sitter to stay and look after 1 cat and 1 dog and 2 guinea pigs. That is cheaper and better for the pets than sending them to a cattery and a kennel and small animal boarding.

if we go away with the dog, I still pay £15 a day for 2 visits a day to one cat and 2 guinea pigs. I would expect to pay at least £30 per day for that responsibility. You are saving her £450 of professional pet care!