AIBU pet sitting

[MyPerkyGoldFish]

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

That just feels way too much and you shouldn’t feel guilty about having clear boundaries. It may make life a smaller world but it’s much better to be surrounded by people who respect you and want you in their life than those who have you around because you are useful. It’s ok to say no and more often than not, people don’t like it because it doesn’t benefit them. Well done OP, stick to your guns and respect your boundaries. No means no. Your friend should have thought about her pets as part of planning to go away.

My cat lady charges 25 pounds per day for one cat fuss and feed twice a day.

Ah lovely, this is too much when you’re exhausted.

We have two indoor/outdoor cats and we pay a sitter £14 a visit which I think is reasonable. She does one visit (feeding, setting up the timed feeder and play time) a day and I think that's reasonable. I also get her some chocolates because she's just brilliant. I think of it as included in the price of the holiday and I'm comfortable knowing our boos are okay and as an older experienced person she knows what to do if they are sick.

I wouldn't impose on a friend or neighbour to do this unless they also had pets so I could return the favour. I certainly wouldn't ask their DC without asking the parent first and paying them properly.

You cannot do it. You are unwell.

If you have a look at Cat in a Flat, for example, the minimum cost is about £12 per visit. I charge more than that, but owners who actually care about their cats factor that cost in before they book holidays!

She is taking the piss. £30 wouldn’t cover a day in kennels for that many animals.

Absolutely stand your ground

how booody rude to say your child has agreed to do it.

tell her to pay a professional cat sitter

Pet sitters charge £13-£15 per visit

a cattery for one cat is £22 approx

you are saving her a lot pf money

Please check with your Doc that you aren't compromising your immune system in any way , outdoor cats , Lizard probably carry different infections which may be a big risk . Ask yourself , if you end up ill or in hospital , will they take on your children for you.

Are the bunnies outside? Does the 16yo even know how to look after 4 rabbits in hot weather for two weeks?

They need fresh cool water several times a day, they need fresh hay daily and they will need a FULL proper clean out at least twice In that period of time and their litter tray changing more regularly or it will stink in the hot weather. It is a LOT of work.

Also she forces the cats to be outside the entire time? That’s very stressful. Do they have a shed they can access?

My dog goes into kennels when we are away
it’s roughly 200 a week and we supply his food

my sons cat was in a cattery a few weeks ago and that was 15 a day and he they also had to supply the cats food

pet sitters often cost a lot more

she is taking the piss

@MyPerkyGoldFish

Firstly, she was out of order to ask your kids. Your 10 year old dc has no idea what plans, pressures or commitments you have as a family. She should never ask your dc until after it has been cleared and agreed with you.

I got into this kind of thing with a friend. Initially it was a weekend, then a week, then every time she went away. Yes, it only take 5 minutes if you actually live in that house (and even then I don't think feeding, washing the bowls, clearing the cat litter does only take 5 minutes), but when you live a 7 minute walk away, have to unlock the door, deal with the alarm, do all the cat stuff, re-set the alarm, and walk home it was always 30 minutes, and if I stopped to chat to / pet the cats or deal with anything unusual, it was 45 minutes. Twice a day.

I became more unavailable, which partially worked. But she kept on asking me and eventually I had to be blunt and tell her that she needed another way for her cats to be looked after.

Folks still debating (yet another) pet sitting CF neighbour, and yet the OP hasn’t come back?

Omg OP this person is terrible! Just say an outright no to it all. Tell her you’re going on holidays for the exact same time as her, what a coincidence! So you won’t be able to help. She can sort it herself this is not your responsibility to fix. Focus on you, yourself and your family. Hope you get well soon!

£30 for the week?!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
for our 2 dogs, it’s looking at about £65-75 PER DAY for dog sitting… our dog walker is £25 for an hour walk for them both…. She’s taking you for a mug, sorry to say

That's literally insane, and I am a rabbit pet sitter!
It's the responsibility of the house too (making sure it's locked etc etc) plus it's so easy for rabbits to go into stress related stasis with any sort of change in routine. You're not qualified to spot any small changes in behaviour in rabbits that could signal a problem.
Plus the weather has been awfully hot and you don't need that on your head!
People think it's just chucking food in, it really isn't for that length of time!

I cannot get past shutting the cats out for 16 days - where are they meant to go to rest safely, to shelter from rain or heat? 16 days just randomly and without warning, shut out of your home! That's fucking horrible.

But you should have been clear 'sorry, we can't do that and please do not ask my kids to commit to things without running it past me, they're kids, they have no idea what plans we have coming up'.

It isn't 5 minutes work at all, its a solid half hour plus, at each end of the day. She is a massive CF and she's left it last minute to ask you intentionally, to put you on the spot and make you feel uncomfortable in saying no.

My cat sitter charges £10 per visit. The cattery is £16 a day.

I would never ask a neighbour to call around to look after pets. The cat sitter is also insured, DBS checked, animal first aid, used to administering medication etc etc.

No. She is mistaken kindness for weakness is she is taking advantage of your kindness. That would cost them close to 500 quid and take chunks out of your day. She needs to hire someone to house sit her animals, or pay you. She a CF.

I pay £30 a night to board my dog. She is being a cheeky mare, and you are a soft touch!

This.

This makes me so angry. Tell her to GTF. You sound lovely and she’s absolutely taking advantage of your good nature. I’m a cat sitter and charge between 11-13 per 30 min visit to look after cats! Over a 2 week period that’s a lot of money. She’s taking the absolute P!

That's expecting far too much of you and really wrong to expect the children to do it. Very neglectful leaving her cats out,just wrong. She needs to pay someone ( properly!) who knows what they are doing to care responsibly for her animals ,and not cause you all this stress.

Your problem is that you think your neighbour is entitled to an explanation from you as to why you can't do it. When you give this woman specific reasons for why you can't do it, she'll find a solution to your obstacles so that, in the end, you'll find yourself looking after her animals anyway.

Truth is, you neither need a reason to say no, or to justify a no. You just tell her NO. That you already have commitments and summer plans that prevents you from doing this. Not just you, but your entire family. Finished, done.

Rover works very well, I’m sure there is someone available, even at short notice.

She’s taking the piss! I have 2 dogs and for me to go away for a week it cost me £700. I’m a single mum and I just have to budget for it in my holiday costs - it’s my choice to have pets, I have to pay for them to be cared for!