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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthday bill split

1000 replies

KnickerlessFatWoman · 18/07/2026 12:55

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

OP posts:
superspideysense · 18/07/2026 20:34

zephyr148 · 18/07/2026 19:58

Surely as it was a gesture of kindness from both you and your DSis to treat your parents, £70 to £105 wouldn’t make much of a difference? Presumably your nephew, like your BiL, also wasn’t drinking! So overall subsidising you.

Not much difference?!

SqueakyFromme · 18/07/2026 20:37

Why did she tell your mum and not you ? Just text and say you paid for yourself and one parent and you aren’t obliged to pay for them. End of discussion. What cheeky tightwads they are

backformoreofthesame · 18/07/2026 20:44

If it wouldn’t make much difference to OP it should make less of a difference to the others ?

SpreadsheetLife · 18/07/2026 20:44

Nowhere in OP's post does she state that she agreed to split the bill. She stated:

my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead.

When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards.

OP, you are not being unreasonable, nobody except a CF would expect you to go half on the bill.

SpreadsheetLife · 18/07/2026 20:58

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/07/2026 17:13

I’m one of five so as a child when my family went out, there were seven of us. I’d have loved it if some of the posters on this thread had been my aunt - they’d have been HAPPILY splitting the bill 50/50 despite my family consuming seven meals and my aunt consuming just the one. After all, it’s family! You don’t penny pinch when it’s family! Would’ve saved my parents a fortune.

This - the view of some posters that you shouldn't quibble over the bill and pay an equal share is unbelievable 🤣 I'm also one of five, one single sister with a duaghter and three siblings all with partners, (two don't drink), and varying numbers of children from babies to late teens.

We have one person put the bill on a credit card, post a photo of the bill in the family chat and everyone sends over. their share in their own time.

If we just split the bill equally, my sister would never be able to afford to eat out with us!

Nearly50omg · 18/07/2026 20:58

There’s a LOT of entitled cheeky fuckers on this page!!! Jeez!! WHY should op - a single person - have to pay for her sister, her brother in law and her nephews meal on top of her parents?!!!! 😳😳😳

Shelleyblueeyes · 18/07/2026 21:30

I hate any arguing about splitting the bill so I end up saying I'll get the lions share. Don't worry about it.

Even though typically I have less money than everyone!
That's just how I am tho.

I would NEVER have grief with my sister over £35 or whatever it is the OP is uptight about x

B1anche · 18/07/2026 21:36

Shelleyblueeyes · 18/07/2026 21:30

I hate any arguing about splitting the bill so I end up saying I'll get the lions share. Don't worry about it.

Even though typically I have less money than everyone!
That's just how I am tho.

I would NEVER have grief with my sister over £35 or whatever it is the OP is uptight about x

I bet you don't like to talk about all the great work you do for charity either 🙄

wtdwtdwtd · 18/07/2026 21:52

Shelleyblueeyes · 18/07/2026 21:30

I hate any arguing about splitting the bill so I end up saying I'll get the lions share. Don't worry about it.

Even though typically I have less money than everyone!
That's just how I am tho.

I would NEVER have grief with my sister over £35 or whatever it is the OP is uptight about x

The op was fine with the bill split it was her sister who mentioned it.

Bournetilly · 18/07/2026 22:22

If your dad usually pays the whole bill and you and your sister agreed to pay instead of your dad I can see why she thought you’d pay 50% each.

I don’t think you are in the wrong but I wouldn’t have included the nephews share, especially since you were drinking wine.

ClairDeLaLune · 18/07/2026 23:54

I don’t follow how anyone can say you’re in the wrong. It’s totally logical that each of you and you sister pay for themselves, their husband and child if any, and one half of your parents’ meals. You and your sister are treating them, so you should bear the cost of their meals between you. You’re not paying for your BIL or DN also.

If you split the bill then your Sis is just paying for herself her DH and her DS, and you’re paying for both your parents! How would this be right?

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 00:53

BillieWiper · 18/07/2026 15:05

I don't think it was clear you'd only pay for one parent if you said you wanted to treat both of them? Surely you paid both theirs plus yours?
Or maybe yours doesn't exist if it was removed from the bill?

I said WE should treat our parents. Why does that mean I pay for both?! What is my sister paying?!

OP posts:
KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 00:56

Birdsongsinging · 18/07/2026 15:09

I guess it depends how you normally do things if you weren’t treating your parents. Would you all pay your own according to exactly what you have?

it is all sounding a bit like I had this and that money got taken off and they had this. I wouldn’t be wanting the refund for my share that they took off the bill.

I do see what you mean about them just paying for their own but think that is just what happens- you win some you lose some!

But WHY do I “win some, lose some”? Surely it’s easy enough for my sister and their family to pay for their own meals?

OP posts:
KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:00

TheCurious0range · 18/07/2026 15:09

It doesn't it cost you and your sister whose parents they are, the same, say you wanted to buy him a painting for his birthday, you'd pay 50/50, it's no different, the treat here isn't about individual meals, it's about your parents having their whole family together for a meal out and time shared, without them paying for it. If your family dynamic was each family pays for themselves I'd see your point more, but it isn't, your dad pays for everyone.

Edited

Are you struggling with the basics here for some reason?

Your painting example doesn’t make any sense. Of course we’d split a gift like that 50/50. But the painting wouldn’t cost more depending on how many people looked at it. The meal cost more because my sister brought her partner and son. Why should I pay for them?

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:00

Nearly50omg · 18/07/2026 20:58

There’s a LOT of entitled cheeky fuckers on this page!!! Jeez!! WHY should op - a single person - have to pay for her sister, her brother in law and her nephews meal on top of her parents?!!!! 😳😳😳

It really comes down to whether £35 is worth spoiling the whole event.

Clearly both Op AND her sister think it is - but some of us don't.

That's a perfectly valid opinion.

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:01

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Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:01

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Well why post for opinions if you are of a closed mindset?

ETA you and your Dsis sound as though you have been shouted by your parents a lot. It's a bit incomprehensible to some of us you and your sister would bunfight over £35 on this one occasion.

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:02

Cheetoo · 18/07/2026 15:13

If you're splitting per person you d have to take into acct that BIL and nephew weren't drinking... Which would usually approximately halve their cost

Did you miss the bit about my main being taken off the bill?

OP posts:
KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:03

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Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:03

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:02

Did you miss the bit about my main being taken off the bill?

And both you and your Dsis had the total bill reduced by that amount.

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:04

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Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:05

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Charming.

You ask for objective opinions then throw a tantrum and name call if you can't handle the opinions.

I am starting to see the broader picture of why this treat for your parents turned out like this ...

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:07

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Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:08

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Op I think you should go to bed. Seriously.

KnickerlessFatWoman · 19/07/2026 01:09

Calliopespa · 19/07/2026 01:05

Charming.

You ask for objective opinions then throw a tantrum and name call if you can't handle the opinions.

I am starting to see the broader picture of why this treat for your parents turned out like this ...

It wasn’t meant to be “charming”.

And the fact that I asked for opinions doesn’t mean I have to agree with them.

OP posts:
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