Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

All CFers are always like this though
My Bil though it was " fair" to split the bill when it was just DH and I vs him, SIL and 4 DC
His reasoning was " but we have 4 DC to bring up, its hard"
Indeed !

He told the DC to have what they liked and smirked ,thinking we were splitting
I paid for DH and I on the way back from the loo and he had to pay for everything they ordered.
This was apparently very selfish 😂

It probable boils down to the fact that BIL enjoys getting his free meal from your dad, and by virtue of you offering to treat your parents, he’s had to put his hand in his pocket and pay for both himself and his son instead of the usual freebie

This

Insane?😂It was a misread. Dear me, if you are bothered so much by a simple mistake, you need to get a life!

YANBU. When our children were little, we used to split the bill per adult. I have 3 DCs, one sibling has 2 and the other two siblings each have one child.

Now that all the DCs are grown up (youngest is 16) we just split it per head. If we were treating someone, or a couple, we would pay their share between us.

Which is what you’ve doing.

Your sister was very unreasonable to involve your mother. Not unreasonable for her to mistakenly think you'd (generously) offered to pay half, but a crazy fucker to chase you for the money.
If you had been with a partner and two kids, and they were a couple with three kids, it could be argued it would be pettiness not to split the bill equally, but as there are three of them and only one of you, YANBU.

Did their 12 year old have a share of the wine too?

Exactly this. You agreed to split the bill which is 50/50. When you explained what you had agreed beforehand I thought, this is simple, the bill should be 50/50. I was then a bit confused when you proceeded to say what you had paid. Its therefore no surprise to me that your sister is confused. I think you should pay what you agreed and be more clear in future what youre willing to pay

Not sure why there is all this drama.

OP and sister did not say they were going to "split the bill".
OP and sister agreed that they were going to "treat the parents".
Sister cannot treat the parents if she only pays for her own family and pays nothing for the parents.
If the bill is split then OP pays £70 for her parents and sister pays nothing. Grossly unfair.

OP - stand your ground. Don't pay a penny more.

I'm with you OP, would be crazy for you to pay half when there are 3 of them and 1 of you!

She said they were going to treat the parents, she didn’t say they were going to split the bill. One sister was going to cover one parent and the other sister was covering the other parent.

Fair play, but if you were the single sister who would consistently get the poorer deal how would that feel? It’s always easy to be generous with someone else’s money.

in this situation, OPs meal was actually free anyway. The deal was to treat the parents between the two of them-ie a parent each. At no point was it suggested that the OP pick up the tab for both parents and a portion of her sisters family. The sister would therefore not be treating her parents would she?

Your sister is a CF and involving your poor mother is so low class.

Please quote the part from the OP which states that the OP and her sister ‘agreed to split the bill which is 50/50’.

I think a lot of people arguing OP should pay half have never been the long term single member of a family.

it is so much more expensive - I am sure OP forks out a lot on birthday and Christmas presents - holidays are more expensive - hosting is much more expensive (much more additional people).

Rolling your eyes and saying she is being petty and that it all evens out is nonsense.

yanbu at all. They’re being silly to expect you to pay for them as well. Each party pays for themselves plus 1 parent.

You are right OP your sister needs a maths lesson

I suppose it just depends on your interpretation of the original conversation you’d had about treating your parents, but if it were me I would have assumed that we would be paying half of the entirety of the bill each. Not saying you’re wrong, just that people might interpret it differently. I’d have interpreted it the same as your sister

That’s interesting. So if your family is three people and your sister is single you would be comfortable with her paying 50% of the bill?

I could understand it if your sister also had a partner at the meal, but I would never expect to free laid like that.

would it not cross your mind that that is unfair? That your husband hasn’t contributed anything and that you also have a child?

The sister though may have been thinking -yes I have a budget if £105 for mums present. Sister suggested we pay for the meal so yes, that’s me soeted

if told actually you’ll be paying £140, she may have said “actually dad can pay as Normal, let’s go 50/50 on this £210 painting”!

not saying it’s worth doing for £30 but amounts may be quite different between what she budgeted (50% of whole) and what she had to pay 2/3 of whole)

telling mum after of the misunderstanding was a dick move though.

Surely as it was a gesture of kindness from both you and your DSis to treat your parents, £70 to £105 wouldn’t make much of a difference? Presumably your nephew, like your BiL, also wasn’t drinking! So overall subsidising you.

Before my children were born I would go to dinner with my siblings, who did have children, and contribute equally towards the bill despite the fact that the cost of their “share” would’ve been substantially more than mine. Equally they wouldn’t have considered that I didn’t have children present and should really have been paying considerably less. It depends on what the “norm” is and in my family it was that. Hence what I said about OP doing nothing wrong by not paying a 50/50 split

I am the single one on my family - my sister has three children. While I have offered at times to pay half my sister and brother in law always point out how unfair that is. There are five of them and just one of me.

That is surprising that is never occurred to your siblings that they were in couples, and had brought children along but thought you could pay the same as a family of four people!

Of you are out with friend do they expect single people pay the same as a couple?

Bring back the laugh emoji

It’s quite interesting actually now I think about it, because I was always the higher earner of the siblings (and at times the only earner), so my default was to always try and ease their financial burden, however now with children of my own I would always insist that my partner and I pay the entirety ours and our children’s bill. I can’t think of a time when we’ve been out with both couples and single people but yes I’d like to think I’d ensure it was fair for them. So yes upon reflection I see it more from the other perspective now