Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

I feel like the OP's been on the wine tonight. I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here - OP thought it meant splitting the parents meals, the sister thought it meant splitting the entire meal. Just have a chat.

My BIL is not a child. If he didn’t want to eat there, he could say so - like the adult he is.

I don't think that's true Op - unless children are being bullied.

You are having a tantrum because people don't agree that your sister might have interpreted "split" as exactly that. I can see why you might not have wanted to split but that's a different issue, and at this stage I - like other posters - would have chalked it up to experience and not made a fuss.

But clearly you are prone to hitting out at people when they don't say exactly what you want.

It is beyond ludicrous to start a thread canvassing for opinion then tell posters to keep their snout out.

The OP probably can’t believe that posters on here are a stupid as her sister. If she had paid any more / paid 50% the treat would have come entirely from her, with no contribution from her sister. How are people not understanding that and saying that the OP is wrong for not either paying for the whole birthday treat or contributing to her BIL/ DN’s meals too?!

Absolutely bonkers.

The event would not have been spoiled if DSis hadn't spoken to their mum about the payment.
She should never have done that. She should have spoken privately to the OP.
They could then each have explained how they got to the amounts owed by each other and sorted it out between them.

You seem to think that I should agree with your opinion. Why? Look at the poll results.

I agree with that. I don't know why the sister didn't just suck it up. It defeated the whole point of treating them. I also see why the OP might have wanted to split just the parents' meals BUT I also see why some people are saying the sister might have taken "split" differently. The Op's interpretation of split the bill isn't the natural one.

It’s because your sister is used to your dad paying for it all. So when she says to treat them and split it she means each pay half instead of your dad paying for it all.

Her logic is there…it’s just massively unfair to you. She has just got used to benefitting from your dad’s generosity, and no longer realises that she gets three times as much benefit as you each time, and just expects to go halves instead of each paying for your own plus half of your parents.

I’m hoping naive on her part rather than calculating

You absolutely don't have to. Of course you don't. You can't agree with everyone - and there are mixed opinions on this thread.

But calling people thick isn't an appropriate response.

But in that scenario she’s paid nothing. Not one penny piece.

🙄I agree with pp who said you are on the wine tonight ... Or just aggressive.

But I never said we’d split the bill.

You're right. Your sister's wrong. People who misunderstood are now arguing because they painted themselves into a corner and can't stand to admit it.

I mean, it's not complicated. Obviously you're not obligated in any way to pay for her husband and kids 😅

Make sure she doesn't try to pull stunts like this in future by texting expectations clearly so it's there in black and white.

That’s fine. But if they’re only there to support their spouse, shouldn’t their spouse pay? Not their spouse’s sister?

There's really no need arguing here anymore. Have you spoken to your sister following the conversation with your mom?

I do understand where you’re coming from, OP.
I understand paying for each parent’s bill. Surely the child’s bill want £35?
It might have been better to split the food bill, then the alcohol bill for the four of you on top of your shares.

Talk to yoir dsis

But I never said we’d split the bill. What is so difficult to understand about that?!

When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards.

Without specifying the breakdown, I think the most natural interpretation of that is in two equal parts.

I understand why you didn't want to do that, but I can see where their misunderstanding of what you were agreeing to has come from. I don't think it's fair, I think your Dsis sounds pretty foul to have pursued it when it must have been obvious you had had different expectations when she got the payment BUT, given she DID pursue it, it is my opinion that I would have just paid the difference at that point, especially as, after your meal had been taken off, there wasn't a huge amount in it. The reason I would have done so is because I feel sorry for your parents that it has blown up like this over a relatively small sum, given they sound as though they are normally generous.

Your sister sounds like a CF. First of talking to your mum rather than you and second for assuming you are happy to pick up half the bill when you just agreed to treat one of your parents not BIL and nephew too. Surely your sister could understand that?

Then why can’t my sister and BIL budget for it?