Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

I dont get why so many people think you should sub the husband and the son.

I'm with you OP. Why would you as one person, pay as much as her family of three? Who would assume that?

You've still treated your parents. Maybe your DS is shocked how much it costs to eat out when your parents don't foot the bill. There are 4 of us and my brother is on his own. Of course we'd never be splitting the bill equally.

Well it obviously matters to the sister as she was sneaky enough to go moaning to OP's mother, rather than having the backbone to contact OP

But this logic why is sis upset and reporting to their mother? OP is just family and single so it shouldn't matter if OP paid £50, £70 or £105 right?

Easy to say when it's not you paying over the odds!

Well I am looking at this from my POV where I would happily pay for all.
Seems like splitting hairs to me!

I thought splitting the bill between you meant splitting the bill in half.,. Maybe they misunderstood too.

Op you can't win with people like this. It happened to me with my sister and her husband and their two kids going out with me, my brother and my parents. My brother in law and sister will always let my dad pick up the bill.So I shamed my brother in law at the table when the bill came and said, shall we split this. What this meant was that he paid for his family, and I paid for my parents and my brother and me. What happened was he managed to get the money back from my dad as a bank transfer.... zero shame.

You did nothing wrong, and I'd stick to it and just explain it to your sister

Edit to add my brother in law and his family are very wealthy

So other posters here would also be chasing their solo sibling to stump up more money to help cover their own family’s meals? Personally I wouldn’t, but I’d have known from the off that wasn’t fair.

Next time, if there is one, clearer communication needs to be had. Not because the OP is unreasonable, but because the sister is.

I’m one of five so as a child when my family went out, there were seven of us. I’d have loved it if some of the posters on this thread had been my aunt - they’d have been HAPPILY splitting the bill 50/50 despite my family consuming seven meals and my aunt consuming just the one. After all, it’s family! You don’t penny pinch when it’s family! Would’ve saved my parents a fortune.

But there was no mention of splitting the bill in the OP. That’s just something posters on this thread have made up to suit their arguments.

You agreed, in advance, to split the cost of your parent’s orders, not the cost of the whole thing. There’s actually very little room for confusion here.

Considering your meal was returned and you weren’t charged for it, you already have paid more than your fair share, so it’s ridiculous of your sister to ask for more from you to cover her own family.

It also doesn’t matter if the BIL and nephew wouldn’t have chosen that restaurant if they had known the bill wasn’t going to be evenly split. If that’s the case then that’s something BIL needs to address with his wife, not OP. OP is not responsible for compensating him.

I’m guessing that OP’s mother initially took the sister’s side, if you can call it that, because the sister told her they’d agreed to split the whole thing in half, which they had not.

YANBU.

Splitting doesn’t automatically mean 50/50, you can have a 60/40 split. But yes some miscommunication because sister’s default seems to be a bit of CF.

Why is it that posters are saying OP should suck it up and pay the extra instead of saying sister should suck it up and pay the extra?

One of the things that would be interesting here was how old is the child, if they are small then the amount their meal cost was significantly less. I think you needed to be clear becasue actually just splitting number of ppl doesn't make for an even split necessary. Either it's a straight split if after how it's going to be done at the time I would say.

12, it says in the first post.

12 year old can definitely eat as much as an adult but obviously not the alcohol part of the bill but soft drinks aren't cheap really now.

I think you are right btw OP. You didn't say you were splitting the bill but each paying for a parent.

Exactly, and all because she wants the OP to pay more than her share.

I can't believe all the people who think it's okay for OP to have to subsidise her sister's family. It seems pretty obvious that, for a parent's birthday you would be only covering their meals between you. It always seems to be the people who have consumed more that think it's mean of someone else to be upset at paying more than their fair share.

BiL said split the bill when the bill arrived. OP had already verbally discussed with sister that parents were being treated, one each by sisters. Seems to me BiL might be the one driving this.

@KnickerlessFatWoman OP what is your BiL generally like? Personally that would put me off a bloke if they said that knowing there was more of them than you.

OP says her sister assumed they would split the bill. Mum said this when she told OP she'd paid the wrong amount.

It's not OPs fault sister got the wrong end of the stick but just pointing out where posters are getting the "splitting the bill" from.

my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead.

So you pay for yours, your sister pays for her family, just as you would normally expect. Then you split the parents' bill. Which is what you did.
Nobody mentioned splitting the bill, just treating your mum and dad.
YANBU

I would have just paid half, I do think it comes across as mean.
It's not that you're wrong OP, your arguments are sound and if you were hard up for cash then pretty reasonable. But you've said it's not a lot of money to you so, I don't really get the penny pinching. Its just a nice thing to do, to go 50/50. I personally wouldn't even be thinking of it on a per person basis, we'd just go halves if it was my family.

Eh?
Not sure how Op has to pay half her DS , Bil and DC meals as well
Op agree to split the x 2 meals for her DP
She would pay one and her meal
BIl pays for him, DSis DC and the other parent

They are being very cheeky here

If myself and my siblings decided we were treating our parents I would assume I was paying for my own food and then add up how much my parents cost and then divide that by the number of us (3 in my case) and pay my share of that too.

I definitely wouldn’t assume this to be splitting the bill if it was just me and my siblings huge family- I agreed to treat my parents not my siblings!

To me splitting the bill means you and your sister paying half each, but that would be very unfair on you as there was 3 of them dining (leaving your dps out of it), and only one of you. I think its cheeky of your sister to expect you to pay half in these circumstances even if she thought that's what you agreed to.

Exactly this.