Do you feel you have a better quality of life than your parents?

[justponderingalong]

Just pondering really because I can’t get off to sleep. My upstairs neighbors are re arranging furniture 🙄 and I was thinking how lovely it would be to have a house like my parents did when I was a child so I didn’t have to listen to it ! When I think back my mum was a stay at home mum and my dad worked for the council. Me and my husband have what I would consider better jobs but we couldn’t afford a detached with a big garden. My parents deffo had a better lifestyle than my grandparents so I’m wondering if it’s a generational thing ? I imagine the next generation will probably be feeling like my generation won the lottery by having a flat so I know I’m lucky. What changed the each generation doing better than the last thing or is that a myth ?

Hard to compare because inheritances can come into play which changes the finances.

In some ways yes and others no.

I was born in 80s. My parents had a much bigger house than I do now. The holidays they took me on probably cost more relatively.

My house is smaller. But I probably have a lot more fun as I’m divorced and my kids are only with me half the week. I go out a lot more than my parents ever did. They would only eat out on special occasions in the past.

One thing different is peoples perception of work.
Many people now think they are in a professional job. Years ago this word was used for work such as a Doctor, Barrister, Scientist.
Jobs were labelled in terms of unskilled, blue collar, white collar and the professions.
Unskilled was labour intensive work.
Blue collar was police, skilled work eg. Electricians.
White collar was significant managerial work.
Professions were as described above.
There were no fancy names for work. A road sweeper was called a road sweeper not a road clearance technician.

People did their work, often for a long time with the same employer. We manufactured more. Far fewer people were self employed. There were fewer same style shops and coffee bars and few fast food outlets. Shops were smaller with less variety. But also you did have helpful shops eg an old fashioned iron mongers who would sell you one nail if you wished rather than having to buy a bag of 300.

People commuted often. But also many worked locally. And had steady hours even if they did shift work.
Recruitment was an application form, and an interview. The judgement of the interviewer was part of the skill of the job they did. To select the right people. No convoluted team exercises for what at the end of the day, will be a modest job.
People had Saturday work and learnt about the world of work through that.
Everyone grew up expecting to work. The work ethic was high.
The thought of not was rare.

It’s a good question. I think for my boomer parents it’s an unambiguous yes. For me: more debt, unable to afford a decent house, no defined benefit pension … but more holidays and travel, flexible working, the internet, great amenities where I live. I’d probably pick my life I just wish I’d been able to get on the property ladder before I was born 😅

So much better. My dad was a self-employed plumber with zero business sense (letting people get away with not paying) and my mum did bits here and there but her life revolved around gardening and the dog she had at the time. They definitely needed her working, but it was usually piecework or part time cleaning things. They were terrible with money, bankrupt twice from buying businesses and them failing, then to top it all chucked all dads pensions, house equity and 2 loans into a new build in Spain that was almost immediately in negative equity (helped along by them and others voting for Brexit!).

Husband and I work in public services, me in a managerial role. Double paying mortgage aiming for it paid off in 3 years. Supporting 1 daughter thru uni, 3 foreign holidays a year, ok cars and no significant debt. Having to put shopping back at the checkout because we didn’t have enough to pay at age 10 really stayed with me and both DH and I crave job security, a regular salary and not over-extending ourselves.

i wonder if there’s any correlation between growing up comfortably and now being worse of than parents, or growing up poor and now being better off? What happened to the big houses of those parents who had been better off? We’ve never inherited a penny, and don’t stand to, but I often wonder if inherited money gives some a better start?

@Whatdidyoujustcallme certainly growing up through years of knife edge finances and eventually losing our house after my dad’s bankruptcy has definitely affected all three of us children. We all bought a house as soon as we could, in cheap rougher areas and towns, and none of us have ever been a SAHP, self employed except for side hustles or done anything but hold onto paid employment like grim death. Tbf I did have a short patch part time when ds was very small but I regret it, however at least we kept the roof over our heads. My brother who probably suffered most was pathologically unable to spend money at all for decades despite earning really well, he saved like a demon and had to have therapy before he could dare to take his family out to dinner.

Xennial cusp/ Gen X household and asset/ class wise we're not vastly different to our 1930s, war children parents. They did benefit from more reliable pensions which is the main gain, but we are managing our working life phase to optomise retirement opportunities.

Would I swap lives? No. They had fewer opportunities in youth, and economically life for them didn't stabilise until the 1980s when they were around our age.

My house is smaller than my parents' and a cheaper area but comfortably meets my needs and is more future-proof. I wouldn't want to swap. DF was the breadwinner (same in DH's family) but that means that DM has pretty much been retired for 50+ years and now being elderly is going crazy with boredom anf hoarding disorder from being bombed out as a child. I've had a SAHM phase but am now working with a good work/ life balance which is good for my well-being and sense of purpose. I'm hoping that with modern knowledge, that I'm looking after my health better so I can retain mobility for longer. DF worked himself to death by mid-50s so didn't get to enjoy the long term benefits of his efforts at work although DM has.

If nothing else, the food is nicer for my generation!

i like that it’s on the whole better makes me feel less like the world is going mad. I wonder if there is any solution to the housing problem or any chance for the younger generations now. Will they all just have to live with parents until they are 40 🤔

There’s a v interesting book called Inheritocracy- the bank of mum and dad which revisits the idea of inheritance and family money. Due to longer lives most of us won’t inherit from our parents until we’re in our fifties so that won’t make much difference to our early to mid adulthood but what does make a difference to outcomes and lifestyle is the drip feed of financial help some people get during those years- for example their parents fund Uni, give them a flat deposit, buy them a car, maybe pay their rent after uni so they can afford to move somewhere with good employment prospects. Even more interesting is apparently you are starting to see assortative dating whereby these people are dating one another because either consciously or subconsciously they don’t want their wealth to be diluted. It’s almost like we’ve gone back to Jane Austin times or something.

Already happening in some countries, like Spain or Italy.

I feel that I have a better standard of living than my parents. But my parents didn’t really work apart from short term work here and there, they stayed in a council house, they weren’t good with money.

Dh parents otoh had a much better standard of living, huge detached house, 2 holidays abroad, shopping in the posh supermarkets. His mum was a sahm but his dad had a business which did well. No one could afford that lifestyle today though because of the cost of living and house prices.

That’s just finances though. We have so many modern conveniences now but in some ways I think life is more stressful than ever.

I think the difference is, in the 80s/90s big things (cars, houses, having a stay at home parent) were more affordable, but 'luxury' items like big TVs, new clothes and foreign holidays were expensive.
Now it's the other way round.

So my parents' quality of life meant that one income they bought a 4 bed detached family home in their 20s, we had a car and my mum stayed at home with 3 kids and this was pretty normal for lower middle class/average earners.
But, we didn't fly abroad, eat out, have lots of new clothes and our TV was rented.

Now, DH and I both have to work full time, didn't buy a house til late 30s with lots of family help and we have a much smaller house then my parents. But comparatively we have loads more stuff and my kids have had loads more package holidays and pub lunches then I ever had.

We live a better quality of life than my parents did but context matters. My parents were immigrants with traditional roles (dad at work, mum at home). We lived a modest life, no holidays abroad but food on the table everyday and clothes on our back. We never ate out, had takeaways or did any paid for activities. Parents prioritised our education and all siblings have degrees and professional careers. My parents very much survived day to day and had no pensions or future planning. They now live off a state pension and my 73 year old dad still works to provide despite struggling with his health. 4/5 siblings work but even between us we struggle to support parents fully financially.

COL is so hard and despite earning well DH and I just cover the basics (mortgage, bills, car and upkeep of three DC). Holiday on average once in two years, rarely buy new clothes, don't live an extravagant lifestyle. I think our expectations of a good life have changed from the previous generation. I want more holidays to justify the fact that we both work full time all year around. I'm not complaining about life because I feel content but it is frustrating that we're both in professional careers and still have to think about all leisure activities. I'd really love to be able to help my parents out more too. My house is bigger than my childhood home and it's in a nice area. We managed to get on the property ladder in our 20s which I know a lot can't do anymore.

I wonder if there’s any correlation between growing up comfortably and now being worse of than parents, or growing up poor and now being better off? What happened to the big houses of those parents who had been better off? We’ve never inherited a penny, and don’t stand to, but I often wonder if inherited money gives some a better start?

It gives a massive start. As pp said property is an inheritocracy now, you are far more likely to be on the housing ladder if your parents owned their own home.

I think there definitely is a correlation between how comfortable your family was growing up and whether people feel they have a better quality of life than their parents now, but how that plays out in adulthood can differ. As you describe, you prioritised secure (presumably high paying?) employment, saving and stability. For me, I grew up poor and I think what it instilled in me was an assumption that I’d also be poor. Rather than striving to be rich(er), I just thought, well, if I’ll be poor anyway, I might as well pursue my creative dreams, so I did. I’ve also been self-employed more than I’ve been permanent. The fact I out-earned my own assumptions and was able to buy a property is still a shock to me, but for all the limitations of that kind of attitude, it did give me the ability to be content with less and to question whether the keeping up with the Jones mentality was worth it.

Yes, massively better.

My mother and gran probably had a similar level of job to me, i.e. senior professional, single salary, no partner/ 2nd income. They probably had a similar % of salary left over at the end of the month/going into savings.

However, I was just thinking about this today.

Back in their day, going to a cafe/meal out was for special occasions only. Foreign holidays/ foreign travel was a massive treat, not something like 'just popping to Barcelona for a few days for no particular reason'. New clothes, especially something like a coat, bag or occassion dress were a rare treat. Even a day trip/day out in the city with ice cream or the zoo wasn't a weekly thing. Buying a new washing machine/lawn mower/phone these days is 'I'll just pop to the shop and pick it up'. Back in the day it was a proper event as basic appliances were not as cheap as they are now. Furniture wasn't something you just walked up and bought. They did every bit of domestic labour themselves as well.

Even things like out-of-season berries or bananas were expensive back then.

If we look at how the average person lives these days in the West... Huuuge wardrobes with 50+ items, endless pairs of shoes, fridges full of stuff that partially gets thrown away, cleaners, gardeners, several holidays a year and weekends away on top...

Basically the way we expect to live as standard is pre-1940 minor nobility, other than we live in smaller properties with less staff (but we do have staff if you consider we get food delivered at home, we have cleaners, child minders, au pairs etc)

Compared to my parents, I do zero domestic labour, work much less stressful thanks to technology, getting around is quicker and easier, and don't have to think too hard about everyday spend. Little to no gender expectations to deal with.

I'm happy that my mum gets to experience the tail end of this, where her income goes much further in terms of little everyday things and she has much more freedom to do/be whatever she wants, wear whatever she wants, enjoy nice restaurants or holidays on a whim etc, and have less stress in her job.

Yes, much better by any objective criteria. My parents were very working class. A factory floor worker & a shop worker. They bought their council house but life was always a struggle for money. Growing up in the 80s we couldn’t afford a phone, never mind a car, and me & my brother had free school meals.

I was the first person in my family to go to university & then on to a professional career. I’m now comfortably off (but not wealthy) & mortgage free. I can afford to buy, within reason, whatever I want & travel wherever I want. There is no comparison between my financial position & that of my parents. I don’t say I’m lucky because it wasn’t luck. I worked bloody hard & made sacrifices for decades to get to this position & nobody ever gave me a single penny.

I understand what you're saying OP. The housing market was a lot more reasonable 30 years ago and now a lot of young adults are still living at home as they can't afford to get on the property ladder. That said, I grew up in a council house with 5 siblings (4 of us in one bedroom). We didn't have central heating, no holidays, no phone, one basic car, hand me down clothes and my mum stayed at home for some of my childhood and worked for other parts of it. My dad worked a lot as a labourer, joiner, tiler etc. He was actually very skilled but in the 80s/90s those jobs weren't very well paid whereas he would be much better paid now. I live in a semi-detached with my DH and 2 kids. My kids have lovely holidays, clothes, days out etc. I definitely have a lot more luxuries though both me and my partner work and we have less kids so that makes a big difference.

Yes, I have a better quality of life than my parents.

My parents were young parents and didn’t have any qualifications. My mum was a SAHM but for most of my childhood my dad didn’t work either. We lived in a council flat, then moved to a council house and were very poor. We rarely had days out, we went on 1 UK holiday in my whole childhood. My mums parents were actually quite wealthy but my mum made horrendous choices and fucked her life up tbh. I was very unhappy as a child, life was miserable.

I knew I didn’t want that life. I worked hard at school, went to university and built a good career, as did my partner. We bought our first house in our mid 20s and only had kids when we knew we could provide everything we wanted for them. My partner grew up slightly better off although his father was very mean. We both wanted better for our children. I stayed at home when they were at primary school and my partner was able to only do 4 days per week.

We now have a large house and lots of outdoor space. Our children went to private school and have had lots of opportunities, holidays, done all the activities they wanted etc. Our oldest is now at uni and youngest is doing A levels. We will be able to help them buy a house and hopefully with working hard, their lifestyle can be similar to ours or hopefully better. My children have had a great start in life.

We feel very fortunate.

Yes, I definitely have a better quality of life than my parents were able to enjoy, without question.

Interesting thread.
I have a better life than my parents and am able to give my kids more than I ever had as a child, which I feel very proud of. We have a nice 4 bed semi in catchment for a decent state school and have had a few holidays abroad with the kids. Might not sound much to some, but compared to my childhood its a great life!!
On the other hand, my husband feels he hasn't done as well as his parents - he went to private school and had a 5 bed detached house, all on just his Dad's wage. Fortunately he doesn't let it get to him, but some might.

Our life is sooooo much better.
Parents (H and mine) worked hard in poorly paid jobs - intelligent people who didn’t get chances because of their parents/home life. Never owned a property, rented from council. We were relatively deprived but didn’t know it - parents too proud to claim anything not even free school meals.
Two ways out really - education and a decent paying job or do something dodgy that provided a lot of money.
They were so happy for us - we both went to (same) university (full grants in those days paid for everything and pocket money). We had halls rooms with central heating - I can’t tell you how that improved my life and health. Professional well paid jobs with pensions - we worked hard too.
It’s meant our kids could choose to go to university and got good jobs/pensions, bought lovely houses/ extensions etc.
We are really pleased for them.
Hopefully grandchildren will follow if they wish.
I’m sad that our parents had such hard lives.

It does depend what your parents did and their life choices.
One set of parents (Dad and Stepmom). Dad got a degree and a professional job when I was 11, Stepmum was a senior leader in a school. DP and I have very similar jobs but have never approached the financial security they had-we live comfortably and generally get to pay day without being overdrawn, they had no such worries and relatively better houses, holidays etc.
Other set of parents (Mum, stepdad) were an activist and a careworker. They lived time rich, engaged lives but never got close to the security and comfort DP and I have.
I see what DP is driving at, but most of the responses here are from people who live very different lives to their parents (as I do to one set of mine). It's when you live similar lives you see what has changed in some areas. I work in public service because I was brought up to-I would not encourage my kids to decide the same because they cannot approach the lives my Dad had. Ironically, they still want to.

I don’t have a better quality of life than my parents. Both are dead and I’m a single disabled parent and I really struggle.
they’d be helping me if they were still here.

Our life is comfortable but not to the level of my parents.

Mum never worked after marriage. My dad ran his own business and that was enough to privately educate 3 kids and buy a 6 bedroom house with acres and acres of land in the SE.

We paid 6x what they did for a 4 bed semi under 20 miles from there. We have privately educated. But it has required both of us to be very high earners and making difficult lifestyle decisions along the way, such as me having to work FT instead of being a SAHM.