Do you feel you have a better quality of life than your parents?

[justponderingalong]

Just pondering really because I can’t get off to sleep. My upstairs neighbors are re arranging furniture 🙄 and I was thinking how lovely it would be to have a house like my parents did when I was a child so I didn’t have to listen to it ! When I think back my mum was a stay at home mum and my dad worked for the council. Me and my husband have what I would consider better jobs but we couldn’t afford a detached with a big garden. My parents deffo had a better lifestyle than my grandparents so I’m wondering if it’s a generational thing ? I imagine the next generation will probably be feeling like my generation won the lottery by having a flat so I know I’m lucky. What changed the each generation doing better than the last thing or is that a myth ?

I have a worse standard living than my parents, but not a bad one. My parents only had one child and could afford for my mum not to work full time. They also had a bigger house and much better holidays than we can afford. My dad had a brilliant pension. I have none of these things. The economy boomed in my dad’s mid career and for almost all of mine it’s been flatlining.

My quality of life is better because I allow it to be. My parents would never spend money on fixing the house, or, eg, trips for school for me (although there was money for my brother). But recently I’ve discovered that they had the money and more in the bank. I keep my house in good order, it’s not a health hazard, and if we want a nice holiday or treat or decent equipment for work and we can afford it then we get it.

No, I think my parents generation (born late 40s/early 50s) had an adult lifestyle that will never be replicated. I do think their childhoods were probably a lot tougher than mine though.

My Dad was a middle manager and my Mum did secretarial work. She gave up work when we were born but did then get a job on Sarurdays for a bit of extra income. When we were at school she got a job working school hours then worked full time once I was a teen. We lived in a semi-detached then a detached house. They worked in the same jobs for decades. I don't think they found them particularly fulfilling but nor were they especially stressful. My Mum was always home by 5.15 and my Dad by 6. They never, ever brought any work home.

By the time we were older and they were in their late 40s/50s they had a good level of disposable income and plenty of time. They have had great holidays and both retired in their early 60s. They have had enjoyable retirements. I don't think any future generation will get such good retirement conditions.

I don't begrudge my parents any of this. They have always been very supportive to me and completely recognise how life is often more busy and stressful than they had it. I think working expectations and insecurity combined with cost of living has made the difference, along with tougher expectations for DC in school and the high cost of childcare. They have contributed to my DCs savings which I am eternally grateful for.

My biggest worry now is how I will balance a demanding job and family situation at a time when they will need more care.

I think the main issue is property being too expensive.

My parents have a bigger house than me (I actually live in a flat, but that is partly because I live in a country where living in a flat is the norm).

But in terms of experiences like going to University, travel to holidays on different continents, doing a long weekend away without thinking about it much. Then I am better off.

In the end I think we need cheaper property for people to lives.

Financially no, it is a joke.

Career wise no, my parents were lucky to latch onto professions that were newly invented and got in on the ground floor of the lift that would carry those early cohorts to the top with very little effort. Those professions now are highly competitive and nearly impossible to get into, and the diversity of people in them now is awful meaning my parents as they were then in their 20s (back in the 70s) would never be able to enter now.

My brother and I live in the shadow of our parents achievements and will never be world renowned for anything, no international high flying careers here.

Some good things though - my parents moved around a lot and then divorced when we were young but our kids are at one school, and I am still married to the father of my DC and reasonably happily. That stability counts for a lot and I wish it counted for more. But I have to value that all on my own. My pedestrian little life is looked down on by my parents although if pushed they would always claim they just want me to be happy.

Grandma and grandad: b 1910s. Grandma was wealthy, county family, farm, family busunesses Grandad also well heeled. But her brothers were killed in WW2 and during the war she ran the farm and businesses. Farmers get little rest but she rode every day. Death duties eroded family money.

Parents: Well off but each married three times so emotionally shit. I had everything but stability. My mother worked. Mother now 90.

Us: Both professionals, DH brought up working/lower middle so not much growing up (his mother worked; three bed semi) but his career has been stellar.

DC: 30ish. Both work hard, one an academic, one secondary teaching and careers going well. They had the choice to follow their hearts. Their lifestyles are excellent due to private income.

I work six days a week, and DH is similar. By my age, both my parents were retired.

I’m knackered.

Yes. I don’t recognise the idea that most people had only one income in the 80s. My grandparents worked having left school at 14. Both parents worked and my grandparents provided a lot of childcare to facilitate this.

in contrast DH and I are materially better off, I’ve mostly worked PT/flexibly since having DD so I get much more time with her.

of course if parents and even grandparents were middle class you won’t see much social mobility but my dad who died when I was early 20s would be astonished and delighted by my life.

Both my parents taught and we did have a nice 3 bed house in a decent area (in the north) and holidays as I got older but I know they struggled when I was small.

we have also had financial help and inheritance (sadly) from parents which my parents did not have access to.

My parents asked us to go on holiday with them last year and I told them my family could not afford it. It caused mayhem. My parents couldn’t understand that as we have good jobs and small 3 bed semi why we couldn’t afford it. We had to explain to them that both their wages together in the 80s and including inflation they would not have qualified for a mortgage on my current house. While they sit pretty in a 4 bed detached. So yes my parents had it better

Depends on your age. Both my parents lost two siblings to diseases which would now be cured by antibiotics.
Both lived through WW2. My mother’s house was bombed and the whole family ended up living in a single room. My father fought in the war.
My mother who was a clever woman did not get a place at a grammar school - far fewer places for girls and the uniform was expensive- so left school at 15. She was not paid the same money as her male colleagues in identical jobs. She got less because she was female.
They did not have the money to travel abroad as young people. With the exception of my dads war time service the only opportunities they had were when their children were grown up
They were able to buy a house after saving for several years for a deposit. But it was an old Victorian house in a city where similar houses remain affordable today.
I think a lot of selection goes on when people compare their life today with that of previous generations.

God yes. My parents had next to no education mum left school at 15 and dad was never sent because he was a sickly child so he was illiterate.

They lived in caravans, bed sits, with his parents until they scraped enough to buy a house with a private mortgage from his parents.

Dad did earn great money during the 70s. In today's money about £130k a year...but the work wasn't always there and it was dirty and dangerous. His poor health was made worse and he almost died when I was 9. So we were on benefits from then on.

Mum had part time work but her lack of qualifications and skills meant it was low paid and she was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15 dying when I was 17.

Dad died when I was 24 his poor health really limited what he could do.

I Had a fantastic childhood, always fed, always smartly dressed, clean and loved

But looking back as some who's just been looking at houses in Swansea which I could buy from my bank account, having retired at 55 with no money worries, large house in a desirable area....

However that wouldn't have been the situation without my parents installing a work ethic, manners, teaching me to think rationally, to problem solve. They exposed me to the adult world and how to manage money at an early age.

Yes. I don’t recognise the idea that most people had only one income in the 80s. My grandparents worked having left school at 14. Both parents worked and my grandparents provided a lot of childcare to facilitate this

In the 80s more than 60% of families had one earner & in families where both parents worked, the vast majority of mothers worked part time.

My DF had working class parents, but was lucky enough to go to grammar school and got a good white collar job. My DM worked until she had children and part time for a few years when we were older.

We lived in a large four bedroom house in a leafy suburb. One car, holidays abroad and private schools.

My DF was retired for 40 years on a fantastic pension and really enjoyed sharing his good fortune with the family.

DH and I have a three bedroom house and are self employed and still working until we can both access the state pension to top up our savings.

Our DC works in a minimum wage job and has high rent.

My parents both grew up pretty poor. No holidays, maybe a day trip to the seaside with extended family. Marg or jam on your bread but not both. They went to grammar schools and ended up as lecturers in further and higher education.
I grew up in 3/4 bed detached houses. A week in a UK holiday cottage. 2 cars. Good pensions. Savings.
Top of df's salary was £30k in 1994. Apparently that's worth about 90k today (based on RPI). Similar role now pays 62k.
Mums salary was ring fenced for my school fees

We are both graduates. We have a house functionally identical to the one I grew up in due to inheritance. Joint income today is about a third more than my parents' joint income in 1994. It is half what they earned in real terms.
Our kids have a similar lifestyle to mine (but state educated). UK holidays - yhas and camping rather than cottages, some Extra curriculars. Lights on. Food on the table. Rarely eat out. Takeaway every couple of months.
We could just live on my income (nagging about leaving lights on, amount of washing, limits on lifts and a lot of lentils). We could not live on DH's salary. That would involve a choice between eating and utilities.

I’m better off than my parents but they’re still v comfortable- lovely detached house in nice village. They were the real “social mobility” story if you look at it generationally as both came from WC backgrounds- but actually even then DF’s family were pretty well off within their own community ( mining- DGF worked up to being a supervisor in the pits and DGM worked in the admin office). Both my parents went to grammars and then to Uni- worked incredibly hard in their own business for decades. However they didn’t really have the starting point to get to where I got to from where they started- it would have been almost impossible in one generation.

Yes, much better. My mum was a single parent. Our (small) house got repossessed when I was 12, despite her working full time (and us being “latch key kids”). We had some UK holidays (not every year).

I have worked hard but also been lucky, we have a lovely large house and I earn more than I ever dreamed I would. DH also has a decent income.

I worry for my kids, my high earning level really was quite a fluke in terms of random (as in not pre-planned) career choices I made. House price ridiculousness means there is pretty much no way they will be able to replicate our housing situation (even we would struggle to afford our own house, and we only bought it a decade ago!).

We save a lot, so our day to day lifestyle isn’t as lavish as it might be, we mostly shop in Next etc, drive second hand cars, so I’m hoping I’ve brought them up to have reasonable material wants.

We desperately need to build more houses and give young people hope for their future.

Well, Andy Burnham wants to drag us back to the 70s so things aren’t going to be too great for my kids. Thanks Labour voters.

YANBU - we definitely don't have it as good in our parents, albeit in the most minor possible way. So I don't think about it much, but it's definitely struck me. We do own a house but when I was a kid my parents bought a detached 5 bed house for 1.5x my dad's salary when they were 31 that we lived in for the rest of my childhood. And that was moving from a 3 bed house.

We moved from a 2 bed house to a 4 bed house that cost x8 our combined salaries (with the big privilege of selling 2 properties) when we were 37 and 41.

My parents could go to the theatre and opera and buy designer clothes (and dad could buy mum proper, non costume jewellery) when I was a young child. I've only been able to afford West end theatre tickets etc in the last 5 years now my kids are teens and designer clothes not an option!

Parents could afford to send at least one of us to private school (I didn't want to go to one anyway) and ILs sent all 3 kids despite not being massive earners, absolutely out of the question for us with an above average income. Again not that I wanted to anyhow, but it's an obvious difference.

And our kids will have it much worse. I don't see how they might afford to buy until at least one set of grandparents die and obviously that could be impacted by long term care needs, and one hopes won't be for a long while yet.

My parents had a 3 bed semi in a deprived area and died with about 150k in savings (which they could have spent on a better property) They lived fairly frugally never ate out or did much so most of their money went in savings.

we own a four bed detached house in a nicer area (but still cheap for housing) we have a better quality of life but not loads of savings. Work wise we have slightly better jobs than our parents. We had kids later so that’s impacted. If we had kids at same time as our parents we would probably be similar financially or in a better position

My parents were (and still are) financially better off but I have a better work-life balance.

It would be interesting to add to this what you think your children would say.

For me (50s) - absolutely I have a better standard of living than my parents in all obvious measures. I went to uni with good grades after a carefree childhood and definitely no stress over grades. Left uni with no debt and moved to London, living with friends in a flat share and seemed to spend most of my 20s on mini breaks! However my parents were very happy and didn’t hanker after a higher standard of living and didn’t compare themselves to anyone - they just got with their lives and were content.

My kids (late teens/early 29s) childhood has been way beyond anything I would have imagined (holidays overseas, tech, eating out and same kind of house but extended up and out). However, I cannot imagine they will have the same experience as adults with student loans, house prices, cost of living, the difficulties they are having constantly chasing high grades at school to compete for university places and finding jobs as graduates, having to come back home after uni rather than start their independent lives as we did in the 90s.

My parents had good jobs. Little education.
Jobs that would be impossible to get today as so many wants them and you need a much better background.
Their wages and pensions were excellent. Jobs with a lot less stress and less control.
They stopped working at 60.
They had a big house, a garden, a car and holidays.

Our grandparents were always available for childcare. The doctor was too for a housecall.
We went to grammar school without a tutor. We educated ourselves without financial help from our parents.
I took care of my grandparents' care. My mother couldn't be bothered.

We work full time. We have completely different work/ pension arrangements.
Our parents help minimally with the children.
Housing is a completely different game and so is the childrens' school and education.

In many ways our parents born in the 50s were very very privileged.

The idea that "each generation does better than the last" was a functioning social contract for decades. I think it ended with millennials.

I mean, when I look at my grandparents generation: houses cost about 3x the average salary, so they were easily affordable. Post-war manufacturing made it easier to build wealth. They had harder physical lives, fewer global goods, but high baseline security.

My parents had to finance their house at 7% interest rate, but they could still afford it. Then there was right-to-buy. Both worked rigid 9-5s and they didn't really identify with their jobs the way we are supposed to. But they were always financially stable, and they inherited from my grandparents (who they cared for, btw).

When you look at us millennials... Houses cost 8x-9x the average salary. You have the gig economy, stagnant real wages. At the other hand, our lives are "convenient" (for lack of a better word) in a way that our parents couldn't have imagined at our age. We have WFH, streaming, instant delivery... But minimal asset wealth. I don't think we will inherit anything, my MIL has Alzheimer's so she will need lots of care for many years, and I am unlikely to inherit anything from my dad since he'd remarried after my mum died.

I think the biggest difference to before is that our parents and grandparents lived in an economy where wealth was largely built through work. If you got a decent job, your salary was tightly coupled with what a house cost. Today, we live in an asset economy. House prices have skyrocketed by thousands of percent over the last fifty years, while wages completely flattened out after the 2008 financial crisis. The safety nets that used to exist are no more.

So, do we have a better lifestyle? If you measure "lifestyle" by a great childhood, streaming options and flexible working hours, yes. But if you measure it by peace of mind, disposable income after housing costs, and a clear path to retirement, our parents absolutely won that round.

Housing and work wise - no .

a semi detached with large gardens was affordable on one wage .

we both work (him 60 hours me 30) and tbh our terrace house is hard to afford sometimes.

we have less holidays abroad (but are restricted by term time , where as my parents just took me out to go abroad)

we have more cloths and meals out . Eating out was never ever done . I think I remember going to a cafe once. Where as I suppose we average either a takeaway or meal out once a week

@justponderingalong oh no, I hope your neighbour situation isn’t too bad!
Yeah finances are definitely worse since Covid for sure. My DH works so hard and I’m worried that it’s affecting his health and he’s only mid 30s.

Haha yes my mum is and was definitely lazy when it came to work. The other day we were at a family event and she made a comment about having to work 3 jobs to keep food on the table. She’s maybe worked 3 (very part time) jobs in her life - certainly not at the same time 😂. I had to walk away.

I think it’s just galling when you see how others live easier and better lives without making the sacrifices you do. My mum has only recently hit retirement age and it pisses me off massively that she classes herself as retired - retired from what? Sitting on her arse?
After my dad left, she went on benefits, then met someone she hated but married to live an easy life, then back on benefits when he died. She then inherited a house which she sold which continues to fund what she’s done for 50yrs - play around with horses and dogs, go on coach trips every week and eat out every day.
Yet she thinks she’s hard done to. When the possible removal of PIP was mentioned a couple of years ago you’d have thought they were putting her in the workhouse. She pays no council tax, yet complaints non stop about what the council aren’t doing. She drives me mad - as I’m sure is obvious from this post 😂