Not sure if friend is being awkward here or I am?

[Blackistheneworange01]

I see her around once every couple of months, I used to work with her and have known her for about 7 years. She does often cancel last minute, she has fibromyaglia so I do understand.

She does art and I went to see her exhibition in May (which is also when I last saw her) this was 40 miles from me. Time before that I believe was February, I met her about 15 miles away as she works in a school there.

We've agreed to meet next weekend (25th/26th for lunch). I asked her whether the 25th or 26th was better and she said "shall we do the 26th?" I'm already in the area (we're meeting near where she lives) on the 26th late afternoon.

I said to her I'd be free until after lunch/mid afternoon on the 26th. She said, ok no worries, shall we do the 25th then so we don't have to leave until later?
The issue is I'll have to do a 95 mile round trip on both days if I do the day before. Meeting for lunch still gives us a couple of hours. I'm on a budget and the lunch place is quite expensive, I can't stick around hours and carry on paying for endless drinks, then potentially dinner etc. Plus petrol and parking both the Saturday and Sunday. We'd still get a good few hours, shall I say I'd just need to meet on the Sunday?

I don't always have to bend over backwards, I'm already travelling to her again.

Both are normal, OP. You’re massively overthinking this.
I arrange to meet a friend who lives an hour away. Because it’s so far, we plan to spend most of the day together to make the most of it.
Or:
I arrange to meet a friend who lives an hour away. I also have another friend in that area so I take the opportunity to see them too. A few hours with friend one, with a nice lunch, then pop over to see friend two before I head home.

Both of these scenarios are normal and acceptable.

Some people are acting like I'm terribly selfish for arranging to meet friend 2 a few hours after meeting friend 1? Friend 1 also drives and does travel for events etc. It would be different if she had limited mobility.

Wires have definitely been crossed here, maybe because of how I wrote it.
But I only said to friend 2- I will be in the area. I never said that to friend 1.
I said to friend 1 (before having any other plans) which day do you prefer? She said Sunday for lunch.
After this, I then spoke to friend 2 and said 'I am in the area on Sunday, I am free later in the afternoon.'

Friend 1 also drives- doesn't have any sort of limited mobility that I'm aware of, travels for her events and goes abroad often.

Christ alive

It's just a friggin lunch

Let it go! 🤦‍♀️🤣

I think you say to her after we confirmed the 26th I made other plans for the 25th more than happy to still meet for a few hours on the 26th though

But you're the one creating an artificial clock for meeting times. Do all your friends know that you can only put up with them for a max of two hours at a time? Because that's not normal and definitely a You issue.

That's a good idea. I think it was a bit of mixed expectations, because she said 'let's do the Saturday so we've also got the afternoon' even though the plan was to meet for lunch.

It's not a fixed rule exactly of 2 hours on the dot. Yes I did say it's a me thing. "Normal" is up for debate. You might live differently and that's fine, but please don't use labels like that.

Friend isn't being awkward, she's being friendly -- she knows it's a long drive for you and wants to make the most of her time with you.

Why not say, your other plans on Sunday are in the same area so it doesn't make sense for you to make the trip twice, but you could do Saturday if you can stay over at hers? Then you'd have time for a proper catch up with both of them.

And if the lunch place she suggested is too expensive for you, you should say so, anyway!

The way you're overthinking and overtalking this, I'd make sure you view the menu online before you get there.

Why is this even an issue. Just say I’d rather do the 26th and just drive the route once. Ok? Ok. If she doesn’t like that suggest another date altogether. You have the right to have preferences too.

Friend probably isn’t the one driving either because she knows she only gets 2 hours of your time and isn’t worth it

I hate when we arrange lunch and someone has to run off because they’ve booked something else for 3pm etc - totally different if they have an evening thing. It just means you can’t suggest a walk/coffee somewhere else/visiting a little shop and means your day ends at 2.30.

You need to say to her clearly that you do all the main driving to see her so it’s her turn to drive to you next time - in a nice way :)

It's not a compulsory thing. Also the lunch itself generally doesn't last for 3 hours.

What's an acceptable time to leave, 3:30? 4? 5? Not everyone has the money for 'just another coffee elsewhere' 'just a dessert elsewhere' it doesn't mean they don't value the person or enjoy their time. Ludicrous to think about 3 hours isn't enough for lunch. I didn't say I'm meeting her at 12 on the dot.

Well that’s you isn’t it? I don’t like to be rigid with people, so if they want to do something after I can agree and visa versa. If you prefer a timetable just tell her what you can do, it’s not a big deal.

I think if you’re meeting at 11am that’s more of a brunch slot; would definitely expect to finish by 1:30.

Well that's it, but i feel like some people are insinuating you must keep about 7 or 8 hours free just in case which fine if some people want to do, but it's not for everyone.

So weird, just bloody tell her you’re already over that way on 26th seeing friend 2 in the afternoon and are not up for doing the journey both days. I honest to god do not understand why people tie themselves in knots like this!

This is an insane amount of fretting over a non-issue.

'Can you do the 25th instead so we have more time?'

'Sorry, no, I can't do the 25th now so we'll need to stick to the 26th.'

The end. Why all this fuss? Why the angst over such a perfectly normal conversation?

OP. Stop explaining. You’ve been perfectly clear, and normal!

Ignore the confrontational posters on here. There’s something really weird going on with a large number of users here at the moment.

3/4 hours is way more than long enough. And no, most people don’t keep the whole day for free when meeting a friend for lunch “just in case”.

So many posters on here need to get out and do some kick boxing or something to get rid of pent up aggression 😂

I’ve come to the conclusion that most MN users do not represent real life.