Not sure if friend is being awkward here or I am?

[Blackistheneworange01]

I see her around once every couple of months, I used to work with her and have known her for about 7 years. She does often cancel last minute, she has fibromyaglia so I do understand.

She does art and I went to see her exhibition in May (which is also when I last saw her) this was 40 miles from me. Time before that I believe was February, I met her about 15 miles away as she works in a school there.

We've agreed to meet next weekend (25th/26th for lunch). I asked her whether the 25th or 26th was better and she said "shall we do the 26th?" I'm already in the area (we're meeting near where she lives) on the 26th late afternoon.

I said to her I'd be free until after lunch/mid afternoon on the 26th. She said, ok no worries, shall we do the 25th then so we don't have to leave until later?
The issue is I'll have to do a 95 mile round trip on both days if I do the day before. Meeting for lunch still gives us a couple of hours. I'm on a budget and the lunch place is quite expensive, I can't stick around hours and carry on paying for endless drinks, then potentially dinner etc. Plus petrol and parking both the Saturday and Sunday. We'd still get a good few hours, shall I say I'd just need to meet on the Sunday?

I don't always have to bend over backwards, I'm already travelling to her again.

So what's the point of the thread then?

You want to see your mate for a couple of hours, so you see her for a couple of hours.

I'm not sure why you're asking?

Use your words. Less overthinking, just communicate with your friend. This is generally the answer to many small overthinking situations that appear on this forum.

You’re making this into a biggie deal than it is, OP. You respond by saying something like;

”don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of time to see you and catch up, I’m not meeting X until (whatever time) I just thought I’d take the opportunity to catch up with X too since I’m going to be in the area anyway. I can’t drive over twice in two days. Really looking forward to seeing you for a lovely lunch and a catch up”

Job done 😊

So true.

I think I have better communication with strangers at a bus stop than some MNetters have with the people they call friends.

I think also with friend 1’s condition, it means they often have to cancel so they want to make the most out of the day if they are feeling up to it. Also, if it takes them a lot of effort to get ready and out they may feel it is wasted if it’s cut short.

I'm really struggling to see what the issue is here, and what your friend has actually done wrong?

You're the one who seems to be making an issue of thing. You gave her 2 days to chose from, she chose, not knowing there were time contrainsts then you moved the goals.

It is nice if she doesn't want your time to be cut short, but it's fine if you'd rather it was a short meeting. I just really don't see what the issue is??

Tell her Sunday AM is best for you and you can arrange a longer date next time

I've just requested the Sunday now so hopefully it'll be ok. I thought spending a couple of hours with a friend was ok, and a lot of people do have other plans for the afternoon evening? I mean because we'd agreed to meet for lunch I didn't think I needed to keep the entire day free.

I just didn't see it as a short meeting but maybe I was wrong, we'd still have a few hours to meet up either way, but I understand she might see it differently.

Well she might if she finds out you said you don't have much time but then agreed to meet another friend afterwards.

But there are no hard and fast rules which is why communication is key.

Surely you don't need MN to tell you that?

Because this friend cancels regularly last minute (which I understand is due to illness but it can also be frustrating for me) any plans with her are made loosely. I don't want to keep my entire day free and not make any other plans when there's a likelihood of these plans not going ahead.

If I'm driving two hours total to see a friend, I assume I'm spending more than two hours with her. Otherwise you're clock-watching.

Say traffic is awful (it is the first weekend of the summer holiday, traditionally very busy roads) and you're 15 minutes late.
Service is slow or there's a queue for tables. Then you're bolting your food to leave at 1:50 because you're due at your other friend's at 2.

Pushing your second arrangement back to 3 would be more respectful of a friend you haven't seen in four months.

I saw her in May, I'm not sticking to exact minutes either, just rough timings. I'll be setting off early to get there earlier.

Oh drip feed!
You've been unfair to your friend here.

Just say what you want. She has asked!

To be honest, I've travelled to see her the last 3 times over an hour. Around 4 planned meet ups have been cancelled with a day's notice, I don't believe there is anything wrong with me wanting to make later plans.

No, the OP asked but wasn't happy with the answer.

You complain about being the one travelling, whilst also saying you’ll be in the area. You cant complain about doing the travelling if it isn’t travelling you’ve done specifically for her

I've moved the other friend's meet up to an hour later now anyway. I think saying to someone I'm free from about 11-3 for lunch is more than reasonable. I shouldn't have made other plans that afternoon but I wasn't going to be spending hours and hours anyway, and I'm tired of always being the one travelling and having it cancelled last minute most of the time.

I said to friend 2 I'd be in the area that afternoon, after agreeing to meet friend 1 at lunch.

Just tell her no for the reasons you stated.

I just want to know- if people here are meeting friends for breakfast/lunch etc. Do you genuinely keep the entire day free just in case? Does nobody ever say- im free anytime before X? And how long do you spend with these friends? Again it's maybe just me but I don't think leaving after a couple of hours is an issue- i genuinely run out of conversation/money/energy

Not sure why you’re getting a hard time tbh, agreeing to have lunch with someone when you have to leave by 3 is completely fine. People are weird

I would say I'm free for lunch and leave a bit of a buffer between plan 1 and plan 2. If you present it as I can meet on x date but can't stay long then a lot of people will say let's do it another day when you're more free.

You said:

We've agreed to meet next weekend (25th/26th for lunch). I asked her whether the 25th or 26th was better and she said "shall we do the 26th?" I'm already in the area (we're meeting near where she lives) on the 26th late afternoon.

So you asked her where/when to meet because you were already in the area. It sounds to me like you’ve gone back to your childhood hometown or similar, where you know people and can turn this into a multi person visit, and definitely not just doing the trip for your one single wishy washy friend.

Why would your friend who has a significant health issue, travel to you if you are the only person she would visit, if you are already ‘in the area’ at times?

Also, do you even like this person, because it is ok if you don’t, just don’t see her. Surely that’s better than talking about her online as though she is this awful person who does nothing to add to your life…I don’t get it.

I shouldn't have posted on AIBU I guess 😅 when I've seen the friend previously that's what we've tended to do- it wasn't prearranged either, it'd just naturally end after a couple of hours. I do understand saying "I'm free until X time" might sound a bit rigid.