AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

[Itisallgoingtobeok]

My partner and I are planning on moving in together. We will each sell our separate properties and buy one together 50/50. He is a widow with 2 DC in their mid twenties. I don't have children.

We are starting to talk about how we would set up finances, and one issue that has come up is that if he dies first he wants his half of the house to pass to his children in trust, whilst I remain able to live in the property until I sell or die. They would then inherit their Dad's half when I die, or get their half if I sell. My half is for me to decide who inherits. FWIW, I would leave my half of the house to him.

This doesn't sit well with me. If he dies first, then half of my home is owned by others. I get on well with them, but I have no idea if they would want to maintain a relationship with me after their Dad's death.

Part of me completely understands why he wants to leave his children his share, but it leaves me in a really tricky position. I really don't like the idea of this at all. AIBU? What have others done in this position? I can't be the first person to have this problem!

@thereisnomeaning you are veering into different territory now and away from the actual pounds cost. Your 250k is worth the same in HSBC as it is in Barclays.

What are those options though ?

Will she pay rent towards the new house?
Will she pay towards maintenance of the house while she lives there? Will she just sponge off him while pocketing her rental income?

You don't understand long term economics do you? Good luck.

Totally separate issues. I think we found the daughter.

Why are you being so rude? You hope I will figure it out someday ? I'm not stupid about money. FYI yes I do own a house free of mortgage. It has increased in value by 20% in 7 years.

i feel the most obvious solution (other than the solicitor ensuring the wording that the children can’t interfere) would be to buy and own the house on your own, your partner keeps his money for his kids inheritance, and then if you really don’t have anyone else to leave it to then he inherits the house if you die first (then presumably his kids would go on to inherit your house from him when he goes)

then if he dies first the house is 100% yours and his kids get their inheritance straight away.

You can't answer the basic maths questions I asked so this is your response?

Please someone else explain to @thereisnomeaning that 50% of a house worth 500k is the same amount of money as owning 100% of a 250k house .

That is so irrelevant. What is relevant is that I own a home, with my DH, that is worth an above average amount in a nice area. I don't even think I could buy another house without a mortgage with 50% of that. That is not a situation I want to be in when I'm elderly. Housing security is important.

I find that unlikely TBH, interest rates were very low 7 years ago.

She loses out this way. This man would get to stay free in her house while he racks up interest on his money in the bank. Does he pay her rent ? Does he pay towards maintenance bills? How is this fair to the OP?

You think I'm lying ? I bought the house for cash in 2019. I know what it can sell for now.

It is most certainly not irrelevant .

Are you saying that you could not sell your house if you wanted to downsize if you were on your own and buy a smaller one?

I could sell my house and buy a smaller one with the proceeds. I couldn't sell my house and buy a smaller one with 50% of it. OP shouldn't put herself in that position.

Yep, and no idea how easy or difficult it will be to sell or how much it will sell for, ditto for the partner"s house, on the face of it this plan sees the OP boosting the partner"s children"s inheritance pot by throwing their house into the mix, but getting to live in whatever they manage to buy (some posters seem to think this is going to be some sort of dream home it sounds like?) in reality it could turn out to be a total PITA as they sell into a deteriorating market with mortgage rates likely to rise etc. This is just a bad plan all round for the OP.

Yes, exactly this. Too much uncertainty and no guarantees. OP needs to protect herself.

He'll be inheriting a whole house from her if he outlives her.

What the heck does that have to do with the fact that 250k in HSBC is the same as 250k in Barclays ? 🤷‍♀️

You just don't get it. Other posters seem to.

No you don't. I sincerely hope you never have to take sole responsibility for your finances. 😳

I don't know if that is her intention to leave it all to him. Is it?

You don"t, no one knows that until they put the house on the market and get a completed sale. How you paid for the house is irrelevant, the general market is dictated by borrowing rates, and those seem very likely to rise, interest rates were super low in 2019, in terms of borrowing rates most people buying in 2019 definitely overpaid for their house, and cash buyers now are not likely to pay more than a mortgaged buyer lender valuation.

At the moment OP is just fixated on the trust giving her partner's children his half of a joint property. She seems to believe that this gives them rights to dictate how she will live in her home. Which it doesn't. She still has agency over that.

Bit @Topseyt123 the OP is not fixated on her DP's half gong to his DC. She's said multiple times that she thinks this is the right thing, so I don't think that's a fair summation of @Itisallgoingtobeok 's concerns.

What she is concerned about is her DP's statement that his DC would have a say over how the OP lives in her home, because it is half his DCs'. THat they could require her to do renovations, or approve any changes she makes.

The charitable interpretation is that he's thinking about ways that his DC can ensure that the house is maintained in good repair. But @Itisallgoingtobeok is concerned that the DCs may look at her as an impediment to their inheritance, and see money, rather than that the house is half hers, and is her home.

According to the OP's posts, he sprang these ideas on her on Friday. It's very new, and she hasn't had a chance to talk to a solicitor.

@Itisallgoingtobeok I hope you've got some good ideas from the variety of responses on this thread. I hope you & your DP manage to find a way through: don't allow your concerns to be talked down. You have to look out for yourself, just as your DP is thinking about his DC (as he should be). Don't allow anyone IRL to say you are selfish or venal about this. You've worked hard for your financial security and you are perfectly entitled to want to preserve it.

What I do know is what the same houses are selling for in my area. I also know that I have made a profit on all of the 6 properties I have bought over the years. Started in 1984. It's all about type of property and area too wouldn't you say?

If she wants to downsize she will have 100% of the value of a full house. The fact that half the house is owned by the trust is irrelevant. She can still spend the full proceeds on buying a new house.