AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

[Itisallgoingtobeok]

My partner and I are planning on moving in together. We will each sell our separate properties and buy one together 50/50. He is a widow with 2 DC in their mid twenties. I don't have children.

We are starting to talk about how we would set up finances, and one issue that has come up is that if he dies first he wants his half of the house to pass to his children in trust, whilst I remain able to live in the property until I sell or die. They would then inherit their Dad's half when I die, or get their half if I sell. My half is for me to decide who inherits. FWIW, I would leave my half of the house to him.

This doesn't sit well with me. If he dies first, then half of my home is owned by others. I get on well with them, but I have no idea if they would want to maintain a relationship with me after their Dad's death.

Part of me completely understands why he wants to leave his children his share, but it leaves me in a really tricky position. I really don't like the idea of this at all. AIBU? What have others done in this position? I can't be the first person to have this problem!

But it is unfair that she is expected to pay for maintenance etc!

No one is saying she should get the entire house. OP just wants things to be fair. Best thing imo is for partner to stipulate that the house should be sold and the money equally divided. Best and fairest for all.

I'm in this situation in reverse. My df has a long term partner (not married) who has never paid the mortgage or had her name on the deeds. She will have the right to live there until she dies. I have no doubt whatsoever that she or her DC will purposely trash the house and/or cause structural damage out of badness. She tried to get her name on the deeds from day one and it has always been a bone of contention and her DC and extended family have tried to corner my df into it. If he dies first I don't expect to inherit anything!

Oh it's so simple. Just buy them out with the money off the money tree

That’s preposterous. If he Thinks it’s fair that the children can insist you put in a new kitchen at your expense he really doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Don’t buy with him. Massive red flag.

After your deaths entirely up to them to pay for a new kitchen to maximise sales but only in agreement with whoever inherits your half.

Then it's not quite the reverse. The OP will be contributing half and thus be entitled to half if she is coerced into buying a bigger better house . Frankly it'd be better for the children and the OP if they continue living in their own separate properties. The children would inherit on his death. The OP would have the security of her own property without the risk of demands that she makes improvements so as to boost the children's inheritance. And hopefully she'll find someone else to leave her assets to, be that a friend, a cousin, a charity. Although that does mean daddy dearest and his children won't get their hands on her assets.

Would it work if you live in YOUR house and he rents his out, paying you the net profit on the rental to make up for living in your house?

If you did this, would the extra income enable you to buy a bigger house suitable for the 2 of you in your name only?

Then he could leave his house to his dc.

I can see that the conditions he wants to put on the house are unreasonable. I thought that usually in a Life Interest Trust the remaining occupier had responsibility but no obligation to maintain the house and could do what they liked while they live there.

The way he put it to me was they can have a say on when kitchens, bathrooms etc are done to maintain the value of the property so it doesn't become dated and will sell easily on my death / if I choose to sell. I would also be 100% liable for major repairs like new windows etc. They won't have to contribute to these upgrades or major repairs.

This is ridiculous and indeed a deal breaker, Haha they would have control over your entire finances. Fancy going on a weekend break to Eastbourne? Bad Luck the Dsc are insisting you put in a Qooker tap and a Hardwood Parquet Floor.

Tell him you are thinking of leaving your half of the house to a friend who will have matching rights over his use of the house. And he should bear in mind that she is an environmentalist who will want the whole house taking off grid and converting to a well for water, a compost toilet and electricity from a wind turbine.

You say you don't expect to inherit. Have you discussed it with your dad? Has he told you she can stay there? Was this a house he originally had with your mum?

Thanks, In her updates OP did say that he preferred option was that the house would be left to her. I have seen in practice arrangements where the house has to be sold within a year of death. By this stage, OP might be very settled in her house and well into her old age. A move at this stage could be very disruptive and create significant work- the new place would be much smaller and furniture would need to go and OP might be really struggling to cope with grief and then what might be by then a much loved house with good neighbours.

Don't buy a property together. Rent your homes out and rent a place together. Joining finances when you have dc's is tricky at best.

My grandmother solved this when she got remarried - she bought house 1 that they lived in, he bought house 2 that they rented out. On their deaths house 1 went to her family, house 2 went to his.

Hell would freeze over before I left my share of my house to a partner instead of my children. Your DP is being fair to everyone by stipulating that you be allowed to live in the home for the rest of your life. If he left it to you, what happens when you die? I doubt you'd leave it to his children, especially if you met someone else.

If you didn't want them to have a say in your home, your best option would be to sell up and buy something that was just yours with your half of the sale price (or not to buy with your partner in the first place).

As long as it’s clearly laid out on the will that you have the right to remain there until you die or sell then I don’t see the issue

my parents weee tenants in common. My dads half came to me and my siblings when he died put into a life interest trust for my mum who retained the right to live there until death or care home or she sold it and she was responsible for all maintenance to make sure it remained in good order

no no issues at all

Or buy them out?

This man does not seem to know what he is doing. Sorry OP. Cuddos he is a very dedicated father but he has 0 clue what does it mean to love and support a woman, since the original wife died and it has been a very long time single...

what is that attracted you to him?

I don"t know how old you are but the smart solution seems to be to just keep your separate properties, have a relationship and make separate wills, houses are much harder to sell now, it is a bit of a leap from two unsold properties to inheritance planning on another property with adult children involved IMO, and I know of people who have had wills changed by a partner with children to the children"s benefit before the partner died without the person"s knowledge, legally I think in all of the UK a partner who has co-habited with someone in their house has rights to remain there but if not explicitly stated in the will things could get tricky if adult children want to sell a parent"s property, or live in it

Not sure why he has to "support" a woman, that sounds like a very old fashioned concept?

DF spoke to my sister (the executor) and said she must be allowed to live there after his death and then we would inherit. His DP has form for creating a raucous where money is concerned and he knows this, but "I'll be dead so won't care". My DM did not live in the house, he bought it with the divorce settlement. I'm not bothered about not inheriting but his partner and her adult DC are CFs of the highest order and I'd rather raze the house to the ground than them getting it.

I do not think it is either
Having people his children or not dictating what / how / when you do things no way.

Why does he insist on that specific wording ? Giving his kids free rain to dictate to you.

Maybe they would badger / bully you untill you caved in and sold to get the money.
Just dont go ahead with it, trust your instincts.

Live apart if you want to continue the relashioship .

But renting the dealing with landlords is hell. Part of the reason for owning your own home is removing that stress and humiliation - no-one in their right minds would court it.

hope it all gets resolved!

Because if you're elderly and newly bereaved, you very likely don't want the massive upheaval and want to stay peacefully in your own home.

But that's exactly what you have when you and your partner buy the house.

It would be foolish not to be cautious.