PSA: never give a guy you're not married to or the mother of a massive sum of money

[CurdinHenry]

Double not if you've only "met" him online

Scared by how many smart and brilliant women fall for this and even end up in debt to give money to some random guy on the back of a sob story

Never ever ever, ok?

But it’s funny that these women are not striking up a friendship with Barry from Wigan but some retired US airforce captain or heart surgeon with a ranch. I’m not totally hideous, but I can recognise that a multi-millionaire chisel-jawed fellow (with rescue labrador in truck) might have a few better options than me - and wouldn’t need to be trawling dating sites.

I just think these women are incredibly conceited. Like the Tinder Swindler “victims”. These quite average women thought they’d landed a private-jet-owning megabucks guy and lending money was a sprat to catch a mackerel.

Hear, hear. It’s ridiculous.

It's often a frog-boiling situation. The scammer also makes themself appear to be financially stable, often wealthier than their victim. Perhaps they even borrow and pay back an initial loan.

At least she had actually met the man in person. Although it was still a very foolish thing for her to do. It is the never meeting the scammer in person but still giving them money that astounds me. My theory is that the people being scammed do really know what is happening to them. They would never admit it though. They are like gamblers thinking that one day they will hit the jackpot.

But that's the point. There shouldn't be an 'initial loan'. That's where you say to yourself hang on, this incredibly wealthy professional man has no other option but to borrow 500 quid off me.

I have a FB account that I never use but every so often for a laugh I look at the Gorgeous retired pilots/firemen and surgeons who want to start a relationship with me, my husband can’t understand why I’m still with him.

At some level of maturity I wised up. If I donate to charity, they write and ask for more, actually wasting the donation I have given. So charity begins at home in old age. My kids can have generous help. Randoms online and charities not so much.
The charity sector would happily take their whole income off a vulnerable person with dementia so would a scammer.

Yes it’s grooming. Groomers seek out people who are vulnerable in some way. I imagine that these woman are desperately lonely and so they want to believe the lies.

In banking we used to say that a guarantor is a fool with a pen in their hand.

I tend to agree.

My DH and I think differently about this - he has some sympathy with those who are scammed whilst I have very little. In some cases I have read, the person being scammed even has friends who say "Hey, this is a scam!" but they STILL keep sending money. You really can't help people who are so deluded. Whether it's vanity or a desperation to be loved, I don't know....

Well, be careful... people who think they're so clever they can't ever fall victim to a scam are often surprisingly gullible because they think that if they believe it, it can't be a scam. And it's far easier to trick someone than to convince them they've been tricked.

I agree with a lot of what’s been said. These scams have been around for decades so learning disability issues aside, people should know better. It is sad that they fall for the scam because they are lonely, want to feel needed etc

I can’t help but wonder how much people who
sell their story get paid because I’d be embarrassed if I’d fallen for it. I always wonder if people appear on stuff like Tinder Swindler because they need the money or want attention online, even if it’s bad. People aren’t surprised by the scam but want to know how much money, what the scammer’s life story is and if the scammer faced any real consequences.

Well they probably did need the money after getting fleeced by a scammer. As you can see, there's a huge amount of shame attached to it so I think they were pretty brave to put it out there and help others who had similar experiences feel less alone. They also gave material for a documentary and other media that many people consumed; I don't see why they shouldn't get paid for that.

You’ve nailed it. It’s like a dopamine addiction and they want more and more of it.

These things are never straight forward.

They do it the other way round though. Give you, lend you, presents, ask you to hold some money for them because something complicated cropped up with their bank card (we’ve all been stuck at some point when the bank’s cancelled our card/stopped a payment, so we’re ready to sympathise).

Then the balance shifts to them wanting something small from you, which they repay generously… then offer you the opportunity to replace an investor who’s just pulled out…

But what explains women (or men if sexes reversed) thinking that they could possibly be attractive to a man seismically out of their league in both looks and lifestyle?

My friend was tricked into this three times in quick succession. Thankfully she didn't send money. Three very rich men via online dating. Oil rig owner ( massive alarm bells for me as surely only Shell etc drill for oil?) Of the coast of Somalia. Rich construction owner in Iraq. Random millionaire. Shot, blew up his employee in a construction accident, daughter needed a OP. All of them western millionaires who could not spell and sent her crap poetry. She sent one a picture of me and he thought it was her. Not even recognise her didn't raise alarm bells.

She honestly thought all these men she had never met was genuine without even meeting her. There was no suspicion it wasn't genuine and she is a higher earner..I don't know what it is but it's surprisingly easy it seems.

I am healthily suspicious and risk-averse when approached by strangers, whether online or in person. We used to get all sorts of scam phone calls when we had a landline, not one of which was remotely convincing. If it's not someone I know personally, I begin by assuming it's a scam.

I have also had that text message where they pretend to be your child who has lost their phone, mum could you send me money for a new one? I had a lot of fun spinning that one out and wasting their time before they eventually got fed up and realised I was never going to send £££s

It's not just single women. My Church's PCC almost fell for the 'I've had my phone stolen and I need some money to get home' scam.

One member had been sent the email ('from' another member). He took it to the PCC meeting that night and said could we all help.

Several wanted to. I explained how the scam worked. We didn't - but if I'd not been there...

Edit - I should add that the first member was an ex- bank manager albeit retired.

I watched an episode of 'For Love or Money' with Kym Marsh and Ashley John-Baptiste where a woman was sending all her life-savings to a man she'd never met. It turned out that he didn't actually exist and she was given all the evidence to prove that it was a romance scam. She still carried on sending this 'man' money.

There is a high level of delusion to believe that these supposedly young, handsome men in professions such as airline pilots and naval officers would fall head over heels in love with women old enough to be their grandmothers.

Ripped off for over £20k by a bloke I was with for nearly 3 years. We lived together and were planning our future. This was four years ago and I still haven't forgiven him. Never will. Tried to warn his next victim, she ignored me and he did exactly the same thing to her!

I know. You're very clever and will never ever get fooled.

It would make it a bit of an unwieldy title, but id give my Dad money. My brother too (if he were alive).

Maybe "men you aren't related to"?

Year I know what you mean. I got chatting to a guy in the USA - a celebrity hairdresser. We chatted for about 6 weeks then he began to mention that his mom was in hospital, bills were mounting, and his business was going through a bad patch. Next he was asking me for a loan of £40,000. I told him I would need to speak to my accountant to arrange the transfer. That was the point where I blocked all his emails and phone. Would love to have seen his face ...

Oh god is it a man