AIBU to find later-life loved-up social media posts performative?

[LumenLights]

I’ve just been looking at an old work friend’s social media. She’s in her mid-50s and she’s just married a man she’s been seeing for a couple of years. Before this she was married around 25 years ago to the father of her children and then was in a long term relationship with another man and was stepmother to his adult children.

I am happy for her and I hope she’s happy - everyone deserves companionship and I understand the wish for a new start once your children are grown up.

But her page is full of loved-up pictures of the two of them together, posts talking about their new life together, updates on their days out, photos of meals out together, her sending birthday messages to his parents and children, months of wedding planning, a countdown to the big day, calling herself “Mrs X” at every opportunity.

I’ve noticed similar over the last two or three years of women in a similar stage of life - those who have adult children and who have had previous serious relationships - behaving online as if they are 16 and head over heels in love with their first boyfriend. It reminds me of being in school and holding hands in the playground.

Am I alone and miserable and unreasonable in just not believing it? To think that relationships once you’ve already been in relationships are just not that exciting? I just can’t buy that they are so giddy to be going on holiday together when they’ve spent the last 30 years going on holiday with a partner, albeit a different partner. It feels so false and performative and juvenile.

It’s as if suddenly these women who have good jobs and decent adult children suddenly feel the need to be defined as “someone’s wife”.

@Disturbia81 thank you.

I can also be a total cunt at times but I'm still basically happy for others 😁

Aww many congratulations! 🥂🍾
I LOVE the term "wagon!" 😆🤣

You don't like social media. The whole point of it is to express what you're feeling.

Just mute them and let them be happy.

I am happy for her and I hope she’s happy - everyone deserves companionship and I understand the wish for a new start once your children are grown up.

You don't sound happy for her tbh.

I think judging other people's social media has now become the acceptable face of gossip: the modern version of peeking over the fence and bitching with next door about her down the road and who does she think she is?

I see so many posts on here from people who have decided (based on what?) that they can judge the quality and staying power of the relationship of another person based on what they put on their Facebook/Insta. The whole bullshit theory of 'she doth protest too much'. The reality is you just don't know what their relationship is like. No one knows except the couple.

The modern moral code now dictates that women posting on social media only acceptable if its something really neutral and bland like promoting a charity or an informational post. Otherwise people get torn to pieces for having the temerity to post about their life.

The reality is all personal social media is performative in some way. That's what it exists for. If you really can't bear to look at it, don't look at it. Otherwise accept that people will post about what they care about. In this woman's case it's her relationship. Live and let live, or just remove yourself.

Totally missing the point OP.

Later in life you appreciate the happiness that a new relationship brings especially if the previous long term one(s) have been lacking in excitement for maybe many years.

Without the stress of young children etc why not shout your new found happiness and love for each other from the rooftops !

X

You don’t have to look do you?

Yes, I was wondering why middle aged people aren't allowed to be in love!

I see your point.

We have friends in their 70s who post a running commentary on socials when they socialise - posting photos of plates of food n drink.. we suspect they'd like everyone to think they're tripping the light fantastic - FFS get a life, nobody cares.

God yes. Make me want to puke. Happy for people but we don’t need to know how often your going on a dirty weekend thanks.

I actually think finding a happy relationship at that age can be far more special than in your 20s, if its following years of being stuck in an unhappy marriage to keep the family together.

It obviously rubs you up the wrong way, but I like to see my friends' photos of their nights out and holidays.

There is a different in a happy relationship and somones sole purpose for living is another person

But then I dont post my relationship (marriage) on social media dont see the need

You’re obviously not happy for her, so mute her and you won’t have to see her lovely marriage and fun life!

Oh OP, I know exactly the type of person you are describing. Except the one I’m thinking of is barely 40 years old and has two young kids. I hope her latest “soul mate” is actually a keeper, for their sake at the very least. Being in love is one thing; dragging your kids from one Uncle Daddy to another and plastering the whole embarrassing train wreck over SM is just plain scrappy.

From my own Facebook insta research so very far clearly.

It’s always those declaring their undying love. My soulmate. My world. To the moon and back.

Who are the ones cheating/being cheated on, a new man/Women every year.

Those in long teem secure relationships might post their partner but not in a gushing how much do we love each other way.

I have a friend in her 70s who posts about her full life it does make me a bit jealous that I am not as busy, but why wouldn't you be pleased your "friends" are living a nice life ?

You can feel happy again if you get divorced or split.

Relationships after being in one is not that exciting? Huh
Well No.

I agree with you, everything you wrote!

@LumenLights , “Am I alone and miserable and unreasonable in just not believing it? ” I think you and the (shocking to me ) currently 34% of respondents who agree with you are probably just jealous and I feel a bit sorry for you all.

You sound miserable and judgemental. Leave them to ne happy. If you don't like it unfriend her.

She is happy! The End.

Looking at social media posts is not compulsory. Just scroll on if you dont like people looking happy

I had a terrible 13 year old relationship. Constant cheating and general fuckery (them, not me). Met my OH in 40s. BOOM. Unquestionably the greatest love of my life, and someone I'm very proud to be with. So long story short, yes, of course you are being unreasonable.

I had a lovely friend who met the true love of her life in her fifties. They were incredibly happy together before her life was tragically cut short.

I'm just pleased to see people being happy irrespective of their ages.

And you'd hate me. I'm totally loved up with my husband and we've been married for over twenty five years. I've actually had people who are offended by that and told me I'm rubbing it in their face. Apparently it's offensive to celebrate longevity in a relationship or be happy with someone for that long. (And as my bestie pointed out, she's realised that we work really hard to stay together and we still have rows.)