To feel daft for thinking he liked me (no reply!)

[ScullyD]

Without going into detail, I’ve been working on a major production over summer. I befriended several of the team including an actor.

at first I just thought lovely guy, we would walk to work together sometimes and hit it off (for the record he’s not famous yet but up and coming). I thought he might like me but I wasn’t sure until my final days on set I noticed he was putting out feelers with affection and flirting. I hadn’t seen him doing this with others.

Finally at the wrap party we were chatting and he asked if I’d wait for him while he collected his things from the dressing room. I did and we left together but I then had to catch the last train. I asked to take his details to stay in touch and he said yes he would give me his number which he then put in my phone.

I messaged something light hearted a couple of days ago and nothing! I just feel a bit silly. I usually won’t message unless I’m sure there’s something and he’s the first guy I’ve felt anything for after my break up.

@OrdinaryGirl you are probably correct. Your post makes a lot of sense.

I did later think I should’ve given a cheek kiss or lingering hug as a hint. I don’t think I’ve given him much reason to think I fancy him because I was maintaining professionalism on the job the whole time. That’s the only factor that gives me pause on my side.

Quire right too! And given your career pivot - you should treat dating like auditions - see which prospective leading men are good enough for the part!

It sounds like you’re just an honest, straightforward person with no agenda. In my experience, it’s very common for men in these environments to be players. It sounds like he doesn’t want to pursue it, based on his text. Of course he might be trying to be extra polite but you took his number, he didn’t ask for yours, and his response has been polite and noncommittal. Call me cynical but i genuinely believe if you’ve both felt a connection, and are BOTH genuine, agenda-free, straightforward people, you’d both be like ‘yeah that sounds great, let’s get together’, and honestly that’s what it SHOULD be like. I would just let this guy ponder. You don’t need to chase a guy who gives you crumbs.

I'm SUCH a believer in "If he wanted to, he would".

More so with every year of my life that goes by.

I once houseshared with a man who was crippled with social anxiety, he could barely leave the house. Even he pursued the girl he fancied.

(Edit: happy ending because they got married)

Part of me isn’t actually sure if I want more than friendship. But I still would like to see him again.

anyway I know all you mumsnetters are wise like Yoda and likely all correct 🙂

I would take my mind completely off him and read a few good books, chat to friends and family, keep up with your usual activities.

It seems there wasn’t a conversation about what you are both looking for? if I were you, I’d make a list of qualities in a man worth the effort of entering into a new relationship for.

I feel you may still be feeling vulnerable from the previous break up. Sending you positive regards OP.

Who suggested just doing the thumbs up that's brutal 😂😂😭😭 agree with playing it cool but thumbs up on its own no!!!

Sorry OP, he’s just not that into you. But he’s polite and a nice guy. You never know if paths cross again and you both feel a spark. But for now I’d reply with “it was great spending time with you. Good luck for the show” etc or similar.

You did nothing wrong! You are completely fine.

I suspect the guy wanted to get your details in case he fancied some light hearted fun? In any case, bin him. He did not reply straight away - he might message you later on putting feelers out to get some casual sex. Just ignore. He likes you but not enough for anything serious.

This, I think you’ve fallen into that trap, that we all have ar some point, where the simple fact he’s responded and been nice has got you all excited and thinking he must want to have something with you. But reading it cold. It doesn’t appear the case. This posters response is a good one.

Sadly this is true. He knows perfectly well you’re interested in him and you did a brave thing by reaching out and initiating contact. This time it didn’t work out but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again with someone else.

I used to work in the film industry and its just a really flaky world. On set or location for long hours you feel so close to people, like they could be your best friends or family but in reality unless you work with them again you'll never speak to them. Its just a weird world to be in. On top of that we can all misread the vibes and I think many of us can recall a time we thought there was something between you and someone and they just didn't see it that way. Couple that with the on set intensity and its not surprising you got the wrong end of the stick. Having said all that he could still message you back but if not don't feel daft.