To feel daft for thinking he liked me (no reply!)

[ScullyD]

Without going into detail, I’ve been working on a major production over summer. I befriended several of the team including an actor.

at first I just thought lovely guy, we would walk to work together sometimes and hit it off (for the record he’s not famous yet but up and coming). I thought he might like me but I wasn’t sure until my final days on set I noticed he was putting out feelers with affection and flirting. I hadn’t seen him doing this with others.

Finally at the wrap party we were chatting and he asked if I’d wait for him while he collected his things from the dressing room. I did and we left together but I then had to catch the last train. I asked to take his details to stay in touch and he said yes he would give me his number which he then put in my phone.

I messaged something light hearted a couple of days ago and nothing! I just feel a bit silly. I usually won’t message unless I’m sure there’s something and he’s the first guy I’ve felt anything for after my break up.

@ScullyD some times you have to be persistent!

Perhaps he is a scatter brain like me who gets a message when busy, thinks "I'll reply later" then totally forgets!?

If you don't hear back, then you could always message again and be direct, ask if he would like to meet up for a drink.

If you get ignored a second time then there's your answer...

love Ethan Hawke! Think I remember seeing f this on social media I’ll look it up properly thank you 🙂

Some men weed themselves out right at the start, and I've come to the conclusion we should be grateful, not sad, even though in the moment of course it's disappointing. 🌻

Up and coming actor? Probably not after a commitment…

Are you very young OP? You chose to catch a train instead of seeing where the night went and working out how to get home later or in the morning. He was probably after sex. Both decisions are fine but you made a decision that night and this is the outcome. Some men are like that.

Yes. I don't think you've met him at a point in his life where he's looking to settle down OP.

see I don’t think I misread the flirting. It felt quite intentional, like ‘oh he’s trying to let me know he likes me’. Could be he’s not single but he never mentioned a partner (whereas other actors did and I met many of them at the party).

but even if he wanted to stay in touch for work that’s not going to happen either if he doesn’t reply 😂 who knows!

I had an important work meeting in the morning so I had to be back home.

also we were filming in the middle of nowhere and every pub had just closed. I didn’t want to just go back and shag him frankly. I thought we live in the same city so if we want to get together soon we can.

im also newer to the industry and felt shagging him would be a bad look for my career then and there (but may not matter if we connected later).

Yeah I guess leave it for a bit. But he might be flirting with multiple women?

@BillieWiper well he might. It’s not illegal as we haven’t even been on a date yet.

I’ll leave it until tomorrow and then mentally decide to move on. At least I have my spark back and was bold enough to ask, has to be a win right? 🙂

Honestly, this is how productions are - everyone is family, closest friends, let’s stay in touch whilst production is on, and then everyone moves on to the next thing and gets instant new besties and connections.

This is very true, and I suspected OP was new to the industry before she said so. It's an intense time with creative folk and lots of connections can feel meaningful, but then the busy ones are off to the next shoot and do it again.

Occasionally people make more lasting connections but generally it's just part of the rush of production and things quickly fizzle, especially with actors who love to be adored and can be very disarming. It's rarely 'real' though, not in a malicious way, just in the sense that they aren't looking for a relationship.

You were wise not to sleep with him and focus on your career instead. Some good relationships form on set, but generally the better thing is to date a 'civilian' so you've got someone steady to ground you through all the ups and downs.

He would be "the different one" if he took your details and said he wanted to keep in touch, and showed he meant it.

Just putting his details in your phone is very passive and didn't indicate any motivation.

It was him saying "here's MY phone number for YOU to call me" and not "may I have YOUR details as I'd love to keep in touch". Quite a difference.

@OrsinoAndOliviaif his decision about a possible relationship was based on sleeping together that night then he’s hardly worth it! And if it was going to be (more likely) a one night stand then the OP would be even more hurt than now!
OP fine to ask for his number and fine you texted. He didn’t ask for yours - telling. I think he probably was after a one night stand and as you were not going to be available for that there was no point. He may prove me wrong but that’s my take on it.

"bold enough to ask, has to be a win right" absolutely @ScullyD.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained and nothing to stop you, now you have your spark back 🔥

i would say you should be really pleased with yourself to be honest - others would have fallen in too deep and potentially been a ONS - that would be even more embarrassing / undermining if you wanted more - so give yourself a pat on the back !!

thank you! I know, I’m pretty sure I could’ve slept with him that night but I didn’t just want that hit and run (so to speak!)

@pinkdelight at the party I was also offered another opportunity on a production from one of the women I impressed. I don’t know that would still be possible if they later found out I’d shagged this guy that same night. So I think you’re right - I was right to put career first.

lets just hope there will be some love in my future again at some point too.

I think you have a very refreshing attitude op. You didn't go and shag him then feel shit about it after, you were bold and direct and took a shot and you're not spiralling about him not replying, you're naturally hopeful he replies but also not thinking it's an issue with you or regretting going for it, that's the right attitude to have and honestly I think it shows you respect yourself and are very grounded and confident. I do hope he replies but if not keep holding ya head high.

So he send you signals and flirts the entire time of the production with no result. He takes one last stab on the final night and literally asks you to wait for him and you…say sorry I’ve got an important meeting and a train to catch. If I was him and I received your txt id be like “bit late now love”. Sorry but you had every opportunity and you blew it.

Only blew the chance for a ONS and potential upset after so no great loss. Much better to have got the work offer from the woman she impressed and not give this guy another thought. There'll be plenty more flirtations down the line, better to enjoy them for what they are and stay focused on the professional side.

Never feel silly for your emotions. They are valid.

@seventeenofsumday thank you, it means a lot to hear someone say that. I had therapy after my break up and now I think it helped in ways I didn’t recognise right away.

im not spiralling. It would just be nice to connect with him more and it has given me a boost to start dating again. I know I’m ready because of this.

At least you didn’t sleep with him

you will have likely done this to someone in the past and they were interested in you and they will have too, it’s how life is don’t analyse the situation or try to complicate it you are only making yourself feel worse

liking someone and being interested in someone is two different feelings sometimes when it’s not reciprocated it’s hurts/it’s embarrassing and so on we all go through it, we all get past it and we all have those cringe why did I moments

Why would you feel silly for being you? You aren't at fault. Noone is. But you now know what he would be like as a mate once when you arent working together

When did you message him?