To feel daft for thinking he liked me (no reply!)

[ScullyD]

Without going into detail, I’ve been working on a major production over summer. I befriended several of the team including an actor.

at first I just thought lovely guy, we would walk to work together sometimes and hit it off (for the record he’s not famous yet but up and coming). I thought he might like me but I wasn’t sure until my final days on set I noticed he was putting out feelers with affection and flirting. I hadn’t seen him doing this with others.

Finally at the wrap party we were chatting and he asked if I’d wait for him while he collected his things from the dressing room. I did and we left together but I then had to catch the last train. I asked to take his details to stay in touch and he said yes he would give me his number which he then put in my phone.

I messaged something light hearted a couple of days ago and nothing! I just feel a bit silly. I usually won’t message unless I’m sure there’s something and he’s the first guy I’ve felt anything for after my break up.

Would he know the message was from you i.e. is your number saved on his phone? Did you sign off the message with your name? x

Different people have different texting styles though. The sun is shining, the football is on, people have competing priorities. I know people come on here and say: "But if they REALLY like you, they will make the time." But in real life, people can like other people and still be busy! I hope he gets back to you soon, but I'd keep myself busy and not ruminate in the meantime.

Ahh, it is sad isn’t it when they don’t make an effort.

Yes I have my name. I also sent him a link to a documentary we were chatting about that he said he wanted to watch. It’s definitely him in the WhatsApp photo so no dummy number at least!

he’s still working flat out and I know he’s off tomorrow. So maybe I’ll still hear. But if not I don’t know what to think, makes me feel I can’t read romantic situations anymore.

No effort. No date. Don't waste time.

Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong. You asked to stay in touch and sent a light hearted message. He may or may not reply but don’t take it personally. I imagine on productions people spend a lot of time together but then move on and it would be very hard to keep in touch with everyone. It sounds like he liked you but maybe as the production has finished feels like that chapter has closed. It doesn’t mean he didn’t feel anything for you at the time, just that life moves on. See what happens. But don’t feel embarrassed or anything.

@Bestfootforward11 thank you. It’s true that he’s got more productions under his belt so maybe he’s used to this. It is a very intense time then you all part ways.

Because we connected and I know he’s lives in my city I thought it was worth a try. I’ll try not to feel silly!

See what happens tomorrow then. If there's no contact tomorrow, just move on. Don't waste your time on someone who is sub-par.

Honestly, this is how productions are - everyone is family, closest friends, let’s stay in touch whilst production is on, and then everyone moves on to the next thing and gets instant new besties and connections.

It’s vanishingly rare that people form genuinely lasting friendships this way. I worked in the industry for several decades and it’s just the way things are.

In my experience this can be a certain type of man who love the attention and adoration and the game. They will both follow through. Its about them taking and not giving. You're probably better off out of it. Or they have someone else.

• sorry, NOT follow through.

It's never silly to be the bold one. I hope you get a response, but even if you don't, it's no reflection on you at all. I think we should all be a bit more bold. Imagine if you were bold with three people and didn't just pin hopes on one - I know people you fancy aren't easy to come by, believe me! - but fun things can happen when you throw a bit of caution to the wind!

You did nothing wrong. Fair play to you for keeping an open mind and heart. Men can be unreliable in matters of the heart and loins.

I’ll try to take this from it! This time a year ago my confidence was a rock bottom and I was crying every day over a break up. I’ve come a long way since then.

I just didn’t expect him to not reply. I’ll be ok in a few days but it stings in the moment.

Yes it’s reminded me there’s no point thinking ‘this one is different…’ until they actually prove they are!

the moment I asked for his number I just realised I’d hate to never see him again. Which may happen anyway but at least I tried.

It's a good insight into his character. Let us know what the outcome is x

Years ago I’d have to wait for my landline to ring and it never did ! At least with mobiles you can get the message a lot sooner and if someone isn’t making an effort you can block and move on and have more of an idea. Some people like playing games too. Don’t let them mess you about op.

the moment I asked for his number I just realised I’d hate to never see him again

Did you ask for his number? Give yourself a few days but then move on. Don't dwell on him.

You feel how you feel, it’s not daft to have emotions.
You may have misread the situation but equally you may not have.
You made a move and he’s not responded. That gives you all the information you need to put him out of your mind as an option.
But you’re not daft to have thought there may have been potential and now be disappointed to realise there isn’t any. 💐

I am old and cynical so I'm going to be blunt. He probably wanted to sleep with you that night so was turning on the charm. When he realised you were looking for something more relationship-y, he dropped it.

Don't feel bad or silly, it doesn't sound as if you read it wrong (being disappointed is normal). Just put it down to experience. C'est la vie.

Oh love - just use this experience as another bit of metal for your armour! (Or should that be amour?!) Sounds like you've run a daily marathon to have got so far - I totally get the stinging, but luckily stings are only surface-level. Maybe look for a few dock leaves to alleviate the agitation... by which I mean other blokes!

I realise you’re not in love with this guy, but look up what Ethan hawke says on being “the one in love”. It helped me when I had more feelings for someone than they had for me!

I think that’s a possibility because he asked if I was staying the night or going home.

He wasn’t like some cad though, we did a few nature walks together between work so it did feel genuine.

i think - I’ll see if he messages on his day off then it’s a no. Already seems like a no but that would be definite to me.

You may have misread the flirting and he just wanted to keep in touch for work/possible friendship?
Or he's not single?
Or he's just busy and you'll hear from him?

I wouldn't dwell on it though.