AIBU to ask in-laws to remove shoes?

[tirednhn]

Context: 10 month old has been hospitalised twice in the last two weeks for bronch then catching a bug that went straight to his chest. First hospital visit high flow oxygen for four days and NG feeding tube. Second oxygen for 4 hours.

I grew up in a shoes off house. Do it automatically as does DH, DC and my family and guests. In-laws however just walk straight in even though I’ve repeatedly asked if they can remove their shoes.

10 month old and 2 year old basically live on the floor downstairs playing, it’s LVT so isn’t carpeted. Little one was discharged on Monday after having to call 999 and get him taken to hospital via an ambulance simply for catching the common cold as he’s so run down.

FIL dropped off my toddler (at their request to take her) and stormed straight through standing next to the playmat where he was playing. We reminded everyone a few days ago to remove shoes. The annoying thing is he didn’t even utter one word to me, just stood looking at baby so no need for him to come in the house. MIL took her shoes off and came through and we spoke, done handover etc. We’re trying to mitigate as much germs as possible just now and feel like I’m going mad! I know I’m unable to remove all germs but with such a poorly baby I don’t want all sorts trailed through the house if I can help it.

Agreed much easier to clean, and I have wooden floors myself. If someone walked through in shoes though and you’ve got a young child, you are going to want to clean up asap while simultaneously having enough on your plate without unexpected housework. It’s more effort to clean my floors than it is for a person to remove their shoes, so off they go!

Indeed but if it’s an older person or not feasible to take off shoes you can still run to a quick mop if needed after they’ve gone

In the normal run of things, I'd say you were BU to ask guests to take off their shoes, but this is NOT the normal run of things.

This is your baby, and it's his health at risk. That trumps an old man's hurty feels every bloody time, and you shouldn't have to apologise for putting your baby before everything else.

No, you can't keep all germs away nor should you try, but doing small things that help mitigate the risk while it's still so high is not unreasonable.

They will only need it for the one refuser

Fair enough, some ask for this and I duly respect and we do it when we get a new carpet/flooring. However colds etc are a virus, not caused by bacteria. Xx

I think the sick baby (sorry you're going through it!) is completely unrelated and indeed they say the more bacteria and dirt they're exposed to, the better. But I'm with you, shoes off inside a house. I honestly don't know what people are thinking if they leave them in, it's gross.

So you have to be strict, and I wouldn't even mention it's in relation to the sick baby cos they'll scoff at that.

You’ll get mixed answers on here. I’m a shoes off person and if you want my advice just tell them straight yourself.

I spent years trying to get my drippy dh to deal with his own parents. He’d ask them to take their shoes off then the next t time they’d just walk straight in.

i just avoid them now because they annoyed me so much (not just about shoes).

I wish I’d been more assertive. You don’t need to explain your reasons just greet them at the door and tell them to take their shoes off.

What so you're more worried about getting the soles of your feet dirty than dirtying somebody's floor where babies are crawling with your literal shoes that have been walking around outside all day?

The message to your guests is that your carpets are of more concern to you than their comfort. Graceless!

As you're uncomfortable with this, take a pair of indoor shoes with you. I generally do to people I dont know as that seems to solve all issues. Ive been to a couple of houses where people have those socks with grips for people to wear. I might do the same and put some clean ones by the front door.

OP has the ability to speak for herself.

Most people treat infections and wash daily, You? And you cannot be serious rgds what you walk through on the street being less problematic

Anyone who can put shoes on can manage to remove them.

Assuming you're neither a parent nor friends ( for long) with new parents. You can wash your socks/ feet.

It is beyond rude to ask anyone let alone your in-laws to take their shoes off. What has gone wrong with our society that people are more concerned about their carpet that other human beings? Why would anyone want to cause angst over something so petty? Isn’t there enough drama in the world?

Focus on being kind to them and they may help you with your children another time.

"let alone your in-laws" What's different about in-laws?

Also, I don't understand how this is caring more about carpets than people(?!) It's not about the carpet, it's about dragging in whatever you trod in out on the street all day. Think of all the crap your shoes touch in a day - bird crap, dog crap, cigarette ends, people's spit on the pavement, litter, puddles with god knows what dropped in them...all kinds of grossness. Now all of that is traipsed into your home, where your children crawl around putting everything into their mouths. Where you presumably want to walk around barefoot and feel clean and comfortable.

Whilst I get what you're trying to say and in many ways I agree - we often care more about mindless 'stuff' than our human connections - but this isn't that.

Your house, your rules. End of.

utterly ridiculous

This is very much a class thing. Middle class and upwards do not remove shoes. I wear shoes in the house and vacuum and clean the floors. Children must build up a resistance to germs. Not a popular post I know.

😂😂😂

Children will not be building up a resistance to germs when they have just come home from hospital with an illness. There is a time & place for such malarkey & it’s not at this time

as for wearing shoes indoors being a “class matter” Prep schoolds still have indoor and outdoor shoes on the uniform list, at home slippers are worn or footwear for indoors

Buy them both slippers leave them in your house and each time they visit say your slippers are by the door!

Get lots of pairs of slippers for regular visitors, washable ones for anyone else. You could also buy the plastic covers to go over shoes then bin or wash them after use. I've recently bought some off Temu due to having new carpets.
Only polite if asked to remove shoes and dont want to (may have smelly feet) just slip cover over them.

Surely it’s easier just to wash/vacuum floors?

Buy some of those plastic shoe covers and tell him if he refuses to remove shoes he must cover them as child is venerable at moment and you can’t risk another infection.