AIBU to ask in-laws to remove shoes?

[tirednhn]

Context: 10 month old has been hospitalised twice in the last two weeks for bronch then catching a bug that went straight to his chest. First hospital visit high flow oxygen for four days and NG feeding tube. Second oxygen for 4 hours.

I grew up in a shoes off house. Do it automatically as does DH, DC and my family and guests. In-laws however just walk straight in even though I’ve repeatedly asked if they can remove their shoes.

10 month old and 2 year old basically live on the floor downstairs playing, it’s LVT so isn’t carpeted. Little one was discharged on Monday after having to call 999 and get him taken to hospital via an ambulance simply for catching the common cold as he’s so run down.

FIL dropped off my toddler (at their request to take her) and stormed straight through standing next to the playmat where he was playing. We reminded everyone a few days ago to remove shoes. The annoying thing is he didn’t even utter one word to me, just stood looking at baby so no need for him to come in the house. MIL took her shoes off and came through and we spoke, done handover etc. We’re trying to mitigate as much germs as possible just now and feel like I’m going mad! I know I’m unable to remove all germs but with such a poorly baby I don’t want all sorts trailed through the house if I can help it.

Pre warn them though so they can wear clean socks 🧦

I am 100% the shoes off person. I feel so uncomfortable when a host tells me not to take them off. Your in laws are disrespecting you by ignoring your rules in your house. I would be bold and tell them that in the future you can only meet outside.

Offer covers instead. Many older people (and quite a few younger ones!) have problems that make removing shoes painful and difficult. Having a seat ready, and offering to help them put them on if necessary, would be good if there is any possibility they are struggling. Regarding infection, if the kids go to nursery/groups/softplay etc, most people wear outdoor shoes in at least some of the areas.

Your filnis a very rude man! This needs pointing out to him!! It’s not his house!! Stomping in to come and stand staring at the baby with his shoes on is entitled and clearly a VERY intentional fuck you!

make sure the front door is kept locked so he can’t just walk in and do what he likes for a start! And tell him at the door he either takes his shoes off or he can go and sit in the car and wait for mil!!

It depends what people are used to though. I think it’s very unwelcoming to tell people to take them off (unless you are all the same).

Are your houses kept spotless at all times? Because presumably they would have to be because if not, why would someone want to walk on potentially dirty floors without their shoes?

I have to insist our kids keep theirs on. Our hall’s miniscule and I don’t want a trip hazard in it.

You're not unreasonable! My in laws are the same and my mum. We stopped asking them eventually but moving house soon so plan to use new floors to reinstate the rule. In some places in Europe people even take off their shoes at the office!

Put a note on your front door, shoes off. Keep the door locked so they cannot come in unless invited. Physically block them coming any further into the house. It is so rude to flout the rules at someone else's house and be expected to be invited back.

My ILs have their slippers here as they too are a shoe off household but forgot their slippers once so now they have an extra pair here. The vast majority of people who have come to my house ask beforehand if we are a shoes off house. I just take slippers with me and change my shoes at all houses. I have a specific pair for that that get washed. All workmen carry their own shoe covers or happily take their shoes off.

When you walk outside on pavements you walk in dried up dog shit, piss, dead insects etc, that doesn't get removed from your shoes with a doormat. On MN there is a 50/50 split with shoes on/shoes off and quite frankly I wouldn't want to touch the soles of my shoes never mind walk that into my house.

I would also buy a box of shoe covers as a compromise

I’ve been there OP. The common cold has left both of my children struggling to breathe and needing high flow oxygen and a feeding tube, more than once for each.

It has left me absolutely terrified of germs. Yes children are covered in germs and have constant runny noses, but when a simple runny nose leaves your child seriously ill, it is a different issue and people who have never been through that will never understand.

So aside from that it’s your house and your rules, and outdoor shoes inside is absolutely disgusting, YANBU to expect your in laws to take this one step to help prevent germs.

We are a shoes off household and tend to go about in bare feet, but:

1. A few years ago one guest refused so I gave him a pair of overshoes (disposable). He was very embarrassed.
2. Two weeks ago I was walking in the kitchen and got a tiny piece of glass in my foot. So thinking about slippers.

So sorry to hear your baby has been unwell.
And I totally understand that you just want him to pay attention to the request and do it rather than you having to remind him on the spot, but you and DH are just going to have to go 'oh, dad, would you just mind taking your shoes off, just better safe than sorry with the kids crawling about' you can say that every time you see him with shoes on and its not rude.
If you think the germ angle isnt getting through, invent an imaginary tale about your friends who tracked glass or dog poo through their house off the street and their baby touched it. Or something.