AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

[MayasJam]

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

@selfseededashup against some pretty stiff competition, this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read on this site.

I would pause. Or bring the wedding forward.

If you are going to ‘pause’; I’d just use condoms rather than anything hormonal

The OP has updated to say they are not going to pause which is a very wise decision considering she’s nearly 40 and they have been trying for 7 months!

If you can afford to get private fertility tests done perhaps that would be a good idea? Then you’ll know whether or not you should keep trying, or if you can take a break. Everyone is different, though fertility issues are far more likely at this age. At age 40 I was tested and I was told my chances of a live birth were less than 5% but I know of other women who didn’t have any issues at 40. I ended up doing two rounds of IVF, we were engaged to be married at the time. Round 1 didn’t work, round 2 also didn’t work but we had one embryo to freeze. So we froze the embryo and took three months off to get married, have a honeymoon and enjoy being newlyweds. Then we tried with that embryo, it didn’t work, so then we moved onto donor eggs, and that worked first time. I gave birth at 43 and my daughter is 8 now. I wouldn’t change a thing as she is wonderful, but I’m very glad we knew our fertility situation after having all that tests. You could try the NHS but they won’t do the tests until you’ve been trying for at least a year and there may be a waiting list. You’ll need to have a scan and all the fertility blood tests, and your partner should have the sperm tests. Maybe you’ll be lucky and be like those friends of mine who easily got pregnant at 40 and beyond, but don’t assume you will be! Good luck!

Keep TTC, a bit of a no brainer imo

I think it depends what is more important to you, really. You’re 7 months in and probably still in the camp of assuming that it will definitely happen, for you, at some point. That’s hopefully the case! It might be helpful to think ahead to how you’ll feel if it unfortunately doesn’t and how you might feel the role waiting may or may not have played, in that. With the benefit of hindsight, having taken 2 years and three miscarriages to have my son, I wouldn’t recommend anyone in their mid to late thirties to wait for anything, to be honest. Certainly not a holiday or a wedding etc.

As it’s been more than six months and you are 39, you should consider making an appointment with your GP for further investigation. You may well conceive in the meantime but time is not on your side so it’s worth getting the tests underway asap in case there are issues that need sorting.

She isn't "very old".....I had my daughter at 43, I'd also had 4 miscarriages between 40-42 (not age related, found I had a blood disorder) all were conceived 1st month ttc.....it's common for lots of women to conceive over 40 naturally

It’s also very common for them to have struggles, even if the struggles aren’t age related like yours weren’t you still leave less time to work around these issues. Almost 40 is old to be considering delaying TTC. Luckily OP confirmed yesterday she won’t be delaying anything

What's important is statistics, not individual cases.
Yes some women conceive without absolutely any issue even at a higher age.
Myself included.
However, I was lucky. So many friends try for years and go through IVF.
At 39, with the right partner, I definitely wouldn't wait.
Worst case (which is actually the best case because it means that they manage to conceive naturally), they can have a wedding that is less fancy or if she feels particularly bad, change the date.

But ans you say, the issue is not just conceiving, but also being able to sustain pregnancy and the potential for losses and delays and potentially needing medical help.

Disagree with the other PP who suggested OP is too old to TTC, mid to late 30s is normal for many. Optimal? No. But definitely not too old.

If the OP doesn’t conceive soon then I’m sure she would need to go down the road of fertility tests etc. If she takes a break it is like resetting that clock to zero as she can’t say she’s been trying all that time. So then she’s 41.

It really isn’t worth prioritising a wedding over this.

Thing is that means not trying from now until after the wedding, so a whole year. Fien at 25, a risk at 39.

Whats more important op?