AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

[MayasJam]

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

Why you waiting so long to get married. Keep TTC and just do a smaller quicker wedding...

Nope - shag on! You’re too old to wait.

Dont delay! Life is too short. We waited until after our wedding...which ended up being cancelled 3 times due to COVID! Actual wedding was about 2 years later. Looking back, I could of had 2 babies in the time in between 🤣 we have one gorgeous DS now though so it all worked out ok in the end! Keep trying and see what happens...you can easy get a new dress x

At your age, the sooner the better don’t wait.

Would you be ok to miss your chance at having a baby at all in favour of a nice wedding? If not, keep trying.

This is not an exact science. You could give birth at 7 months. To be sure you need to stop TTC for longer

I would crack on with ttc! I was almost 42 when I conceived my youngest. Dd1 delayed ttc as she wanted to be married before she had dc and wedding was postponed due to covid. Then after they married she wanted a proper honeymoon which again had to wait due to ongoing travel restrictions. She is now expecting dc2 but may not now go for a third as she is on the slippery slope to 40.

Personally I’d change plans, get married asap and then you can keep trying with no worries.

Keep trying @MayasJamand Congratulations on your wedding and Good luck 🤞

It does at nearly 40.

I'd keep trying and adjust wedding plans if and when you have to. If you've been trying for 7 months with nothing happening I'd recommend seeing someone to check all is ok with both of you.

Good luck

Keep trying for the baby. You will work around it no matter what. I have my own personal regrets from being in a similar situation and holding off trying.

If she pauses she risks not having a baby plus easy to say when you already have the baby.

Cancel the wedding. Get married ASAP at a Register Office. Have the baby (I know that success is not guaranteed). Then when everything has calmed down a bit, throw a party to celebrate one or both events.

Bear in mind too that NhS guidelines are to see your Dr if you’ve been trying for a year or more and not got pregnant…..if you stop and start again they may not consider that to be a year…..

The cliff edge at 35 has been debunked. But I'd still keep trying and get a fertility referral just to have all options open to you (coming from someone who got married at 32 and has been trying unsuccessfully for nearly half a decade).

Gosh do not prioritise a wedding over a baby at your age. It’s such a no brainee. Every month there is only a slight chance of conceiving and you have no idea of any fertility issues. The months you stop could have been the months it happens.

I don’t understand why you would do this.

I work with someone that got married in their lunch hour. I just had a small wedding. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Having a baby is a massive deal.

Currently pregnant and was told recently that after 35 I’d be advanced maternal age and it’d be added as a risk marker on my pregnancy. You have to have closer observation.

So I don’t believe it has been debunked entirely, it’s just not a cliff edge but more of a slope, But to pretend it isn’t harder as you age to conceive, carry, and birth isn’t helping women. It’s going to be significantly harder at 40 than 20 for the vast majority of women (there are exceptions).

Baby much more important than wedding.

I think you’ve made the right decision to carry on trying .
I’ve watched my daughter go through fertility woes age 38, so hard. Fortunately now she does have a beautiful baby girl, but it’s not been an easy road approaching 40. Good luck x

I had an accidental pregnancy when we were engaged and had already picked the date. The planned date of our wedding ended up being the very early date our DD arrived. Fortunately when we told the doctor our wedding plans she laughed us out of the room (we also had a 6 hour flight to the place we wanted to do it). We ended up eloping and doing a small reception for our friends. If you want children prioritise that, but don't plan a formal wedding which can't be moved, as you may have to.

A lot of places no longer use 35 as advanced maternal age I think it's closer to 38-40 now depending on whether you are looking at risk of genetic abnormality (less than 1% difference between someone falling pregnant at 20 vs 38 and less than 1% risk overall) or certain conditions in pregnancy that increase with age. And as you say it's a slope and everyone is aware it gets harder for a lot of women (and men) but keeping up to date with the latest research does help. I have a friend who had her second baby at 34 after no issues with her first (or second thankfully) but she said had it not happened she wouldn't have tried again after 35 as she was so scared of 'the risks' and in reality the difference between falling pregnant at 34 and 10 months vs 35 and 2 months is obviously negligible. I am all for accepting extra testing in pregnancy so I wouldn't mind the advanced maternal age category at all in my next pregnancy if I fall pregnant again but just don't want anyone to panic needlessly, people who haven't started trying by 35 usually have a reason for it not that they put it off on purpose for a decade. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy 😀

I would absolutely continue TTC. A wedding is one day, but a baby is forever and at 40 you’re definitely limited on time.

@MightyDandelionEsq ooops quote function didn't work 😀