AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

[MayasJam]

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

Keep trying for a baby and don't move the wedding whatever happens would be my view.

I’d keep trying - if you end up pregnant and due to give birth at the time of your wedding, see it as a lovey problem to have. If you aren’t pregnant, you can find a silver lining by enjoying your wedding as planned. Also, the knock on effect on your age if you want more than one child - it’s not just a delay to this pregnancy.

You might want to have some investigations, just to know if there’s anything you could be doing to help things along. For example, follicle tracking by a fertility clinic would tell you exactly when you are fertile more accurately than anything you can do at home. It doesn’t have to be IVF straight away, but doesn’t hurt to get some info about your exact situation. I had my children later in life too. Good luck x

I was TTC at 36, straight after getting married, 6mths in my dr gave me stuff to 'help' then took another 6mths for it to actually happen as I was 'geriatric'🤦‍♀️ Baby born when I just turned 38 I wish I had started TTC before we got married due to my age. Just go for it, and get a bigger dress if pregnant.

Definitely shag on OP! Xx

I always think "how will I feel if...."
What feels more concerning;

• not having conceived in 12-18 months time
• having to change the wedding or being post partum/heavily pregnant at it

Personally, a wedding is a day, a party and can be moved (yes expensive but possible). A baby/conceiving is priceless, and I wouldn't cope with feeling like I'd not thrown everything at it. However, it does depend on a) how you view a wedding and b) how desperate you are to conceive - only you know that.

Team baby here. You can get married any time. You only have a certain time for a baby and from someone who suffered secondary unexplained infertility, please don't wait. With my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, we TTC for 18 months each time. I gave up tracking fertility and immediately fell pregnant both times.

I had fertility struggles - I would strongly suggest you keep trying. 4 months is a long time to lose out on not trying if you’ve already been unsuccessful after 7 months. Due to your age it is going to be more difficult anyway. Absolutely try.

Good luck!

Good luck, I hope you get pregnant soon 🙏🏻🤞🏼 Just wanted to add, if you do I would move the wedding forward rather than back. You can still have loads of fun while pregnant, but you don’t know how you’d feel postpartum. Sometimes recovery can take a long time and you want to be able to enjoy it xx

When you’re TTC, 3-4 months of stopping would be painfully slow. I was going stir crazy on month 1.

I could not imagine actively preventing pregnancy mid way through TTC when it’s already been 7 months for you.

Dd1 is a gynaecologist, currently pregnant with dc2 who is due around her 35th birthday. She doesn't see it as a cliff edge but trying for a first baby after 35 does mean that you may have unknown fertility issues and less time to deal with them if they occur. I had ds at age 37 and dd3 at 42 and fell pregnant quickly both times but I already had 2dc.

If you don’t drink anyway then I would say “stop TTC” as in ovulation tracking, testing etc. Still have unprotected sex. Some women on here say that when they stopped trying it happened. So you never know, the “3 month break” could actually help you out here in terms of baby.

Keep trying. Sadly your age is against you. If you get pregnant you’ll still have time to rearrange

If you haven’t already done so Id also think about getting your fertility checked so you done waste time too.

Get married next week.
Continue to try to conceive.
Have a ‘we are married!’ party whenever it’s convenient.

At 39, I wouldn't stop because if you pause, you will always wonder what might have been if it still doesn't happen after the wedding, and if you dont pause and you do get pregnant before the wedding then you will be so delighted that you'll easily adapt whether it be put the wedding back a bit or have a wedding dress that fits over your bump.

I had my second child at 38 - I think on the second month of trying. Fertility doesn’t always fall off a cliff. Maybe reframe it for a month or so that you aren’t trying not to conceive rather than you’re trying your hardest?

Of course a few months can make a few difference, she's 39. This is silly advice.

OP, you can rearrange a wedding. You can't get your fertility back once it's completely gone.

I’d cancel the big wedding and book a register office asap and prioritise ttc. Have a humdinger of a christening party.

good luck

Fertility is declining at your age and every month that passes adds to it. Weddings can be arranged at any age.

I agree. A pause in the big scheme of things won’t hurt. Enjoy your wedding, have fun and then start TTC afterwards. Once the baby comes along there will be less time for you both together for a while. So enjoy it x

If it was me I would just leave it to fate. You've been trying for 7 months already so it will obviously be a happy suprise if it happens in the next 3 months. And things have a funny way of happening at inconvenient times so maybe this will spur on the pregnancy! I also recommend eloping as someone suggested. We did that and I have no regrets!

Are you aware that being over 35 means your baby is at higher risk of having a condition such as Down syndrome? And if the father is over 40 the baby is at higher risk of being autistic or schizophrenic, for example. Can't you adopt a baby who needs a home?

It's not really about the parents, who have made their own choices. The risks to the baby are more important. It says a lot that parents rarely consider the unborn baby above their own desires.

What a silly and inappropriate comment to make on this thread.

Aged 39, hell no

Just keep trying and see what happens. If you get pregnant in the next few months - amazing - there is still plenty of time to either postpone or bring the wedding forward. If you don't, then you won't be heavily pregnant or freshly postpartum and nothing to worry about on that front and you can take next steps with fertility treatment once you've reached 12 months TTC.

Fingers crossed for you, OP.