AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

[MayasJam]

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

Do not pause. Not worth it.

Can you have a registry marriage asap so that the wedding will remain a party? That way you're legally protected regardless of what happens on the baby front.

Keep trying, time is not on your side.

Just out of interest why are you waiting until April 2027, when you have been trying for a baby since late 2025?

Of course your business but in your shoes I'd bring the wedding forward and just go for it!

You’d be daft to stop TTC when your age is against you and it’s been 7 months already

I think it’s more likely you will regret not trying. If you get pregnant you will be happy despite the wedding.

Honestly at nearly 40 if having a child is important to you then I wouldn’t pause or stop for a wedding at all.

How can people say three months isn’t here or there when TTC around 40? Every month you have a particular probability of conceiving, decreasing over time, for a finite amount of time. If you pause and then can’t conceive you’ll always wonder what could have been. I conceived after over a year of trying at a similar age, I was starting to feel pretty despairing around the year mark. I have friends it hasn’t happened for. Murphy’s law says you’ll conceive so that your planned wedding is also your due date, but that won’t make a long term difference to your life.

Whilst I really wouldn’t want to get married whilst pregnant, at almost 40 I wouldn’t stop and would just adapt the wedding date if it does happen that you’d be heavily pregnant when it comes around. Or get married sooner, at least legally.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, I've made the decision not going to have a break and work things out if needed!

I would do this too.

Think it depends how prepared for, and how easy cancelling would be. Are you prepared to lose money or are you happy to look like a beached whale in your wedding photos

I’d keep trying. For those who say three months won’t affect ttc of course it can. If you’ve been trying for 7 months I wouldn’t risk stopping. A wedding can be altered, moved.

I'm team keep going! If you were in your 20s I'd say pause a few months, but most/a lot are infertile by age 42 so you've only got a few years to conceive and each year has greater risks for the baby, so I don't think it's worth pausing!

I wouldn’t consider pausing for even one month at your age

In this instance though it wouldn’t be a few months. If you want to have a drink at your wedding then you would need to stop trying until after your wedding, which is literally almost a year away.

I would not wait a year under the circumstances you’ve described.

You are actually eligible for fertility tests after 6 months of ttc due to your age, so I'd get that process started and not stop trying for now.

Couldn't you get married more quickly? I don't know if it's the same now, but you used to be able to get a registry office one very soon, and if you wanted to have a fancier celebration in the future, you could. I get that some people want to be married before having a baby for religious reasons, and if so, you could speak to your religious leader (won't list all the types as I don't know your religion, so it would take a while!) about a quick service given your situation.

That was a different poster who wanted a drink at their own wedding. OP just doesn't want to be giving birth around the wedding date hence the pause for a couple of months. Although I wouldn't even wait that at her age.

I would carry on trying 🥰

I would. You clearly don’t want one

I think your decision not to stop trying now is a wise one. If you never had kids how would you feel looking back if you’d given up these precious chances?

You may already be eligible for a referral to the fertility service. If you wanted to explore it it would be worth chatting with your GP.

I know we lie to each other as women to give others hope but threads like these remind me of how that can be quite cruel because biology does have a clock. It’s an invisible clock and some women have longer, some don’t. But generally after 35, it’ll get tougher.

At 39 it’s advanced maternal age, so I wouldn’t be missing a month at all if it were me.

Im an older mum, had my first late 30s and second in my 40s. I wouldnt break, you could actually miss your chance. Good luck xx

Don't waste your time at your age. If kids are very important to you, put your time and money into ivf now. I don't mean to be alarmist but I started trying at 38 and was told that if things didn't happen within 3 months, and I wanted to be sure I had a baby, I needed to get onto fertility treatments. I didn't and I rued that decision. I was 60k in the hole and 41 before I had my baby. Don't take a single month for granted, Op.