To wonder why people sometimes ghost good friends who did nothing wrong?

[ThatIcyLion]

I’m not talking about abuse, toxic dynamics, safety issues or situations where the friendship had clearly broken down.

I mean situations where the friend had done nothing obviously wrong, you liked them, valued the friendship, things seemed broadly fine… yet you still abruptly stopped replying, drifted away completely or effectively ghosted them.

I find it such a strange and painful thing to experience and I know quite a few people it’s happened to.

After enough time passes, I imagine reaching back out probably starts to feel awkward or loaded, which maybe makes the silence continue even longer.

But if you’ve done this, why? What was going on for you at the time? How do you feel about it now? Do you ever think about reconnecting or apologising?

I’m genuinely trying to understand rather than attacking anyone.

I know someone like this. She doesn't work, lives off her partner's wages and he isn't a high earner either, has a basic office job. She literally spends all day every day researching conspiracy theories on the internet. I could not be friends with someone like that!

Well, surely that’s a reason right there?

As PP have indicated, highly unlikely there is NO reason for the ghosting.

When I ghosted someone, I just realised I didn't enjoy their company and dreaded meeting up, it wasn't fun, and I only have so many free hours. So I just stopped meeting up with them. In some ways, it would have been 'easier' if they had done something wrong, but there was nothing wrong.

But that's partly my point - sometimes you can have a close relationship with someone and it is STILL situational, and won't last outside of it.

I've had lovely close friendships that were of immense value to me at the time, but drifted when life took us apart. Some of them might come back to life (I'm relocating near a few people I haven't spoken to in years!). Maybe it's because I've come from the sort of place people move away from for work, but I just don't keep score as to when people are in or out of my life.

(That particular friend and I were bridesmaids for each other, but she will still dash off to catch up with the third violinist who didn't come to her wedding - in her case she fails totally to let situational friendships go, and wonders why close friends drift when she's split her attention too far...)