Is this fair? Dh and holidays

[Emmathedrama]

Every year it’s the same old.

We say we are going on holiday, but dh does absolutely none of the work in finding and researching where to go.

I must admit that I am probably way more fussy than dh. Dh says he doesn’t mind where we go. But I feel like in reality he probably would mind if we ended up somewhere horrible because I hadn’t researched properly.

Dh would just look at a few photos and go with wherever had the biggest swimming pool.

He also can’t remember anywhere we’ve been. So if for example I ask if he fancies going back to Rhodes. He will look all sheepish because he can’t remember which one was Rhodes. He doesn’t know where in the world anywhere is and has no interest in looking on a map.

It’s the same if we are going in the UK. I’m the one who looks up all the daytrips and puts things into google maps to see how far they are.

Should have said we do have young children so don’t want to end up in a town with loads of stag and hen dos etc.

Mines the same to be honest, but I don't mind because at least I get to go wherever I like and not somewhere he chooses that I wouldn't like. No kids to consider here though.

I think there’s two types of people. Those who can and do organise a holiday. And those who turn up when and where they are told, bonus if they bring their own passport. If the relationship
is fair and equitable in other ways, this wouldn’t stress me.

I booked the holidays when the kids were young because I knew what suited them and where I would get the best break .
Key camps with kids clubs were always great and there’s not much booking in that.

How old are the children, maybe we can help you.

I think it depends. I enjoy researching holidays and have a good idea of what suits us as a family. My DH is perfectly capable of finding and booking somewhere too but if he does it I need to accept that his choice might not be exactly what I want.

If you have particular wishes for the type of holiday, accommodation etc and your DH doesn’t mind then in your shoes I’d crack on booking somewhere of my choice. If the hassle of researching and booking feels like an imposition then let him do it, but accept you’ll end up in the hotel with the biggest pool.

If he’s a lazy bastard who doesn’t contribute in other aspects of your life I retract my answer and I’d say LTB

I'm your husband in our relationship. I just show up. My hubby does all the researching, booking, reviewing trip advisor, planning airport car park etc!! I figure it's easier to let him tear away as he loves it. Maybe that's the difference. You don't seem to enjoy it. I'm the same too, I look at pics and couldn't tell you if it was Tenerife, Salou etc as they are all the same to me!

I always book the holidays in our household. If I don't book, we don't go, as happened at Easter recently. It means we always go where I want to and means I have control over where we stay. Once we were on a plane and my husband didn't realise there was a particular mountain you could climb there. I didn't want to do it, so it wasn't on the itinerary! Some times it annoys me but I'd rather a holiday that suits me. One day I dream of someone saying to me, pack your bags, you need these sort of clothes, we're going away!

Haha my DH is exactly like this. I do get a bit fed up as well as I think he’s not really that interested but he says he is happy to do whatever. When we get to the destination though, he seems to think I know absolutely everything about the place and exactly where everything is. I am constantly saying “I don’t know, I haven’t been here before either”.

Drives me bonkers.

I wouldn't like that. We both have equal input in where to go and what to do and equal work in booking flights, accommodation, visits etc.

When DH asked me to marry him, he already had an idea of what kind of wedding day he wanted and an idea of the venue. He showed me it on the internet and we had a long discussion about what we wanted. The next day he rang them to find out if they did what we wanted and then booked the date. It was great.

What does the workload split look like overall? Does he contribute in other ways? If he did book a trip would you genuinely leave it to him or would you be “fussy”?

My DH isn’t bothered about holidays, so I research and book them. He does thank me for doing it and he does lots of the grunt work once we are there - he collects the takeaway or parks the car or lugs the suitcase or goes to buy paracetamol from a foreign pharmacy at 3am. So I think me booking it is fair and reasonable, especially as he researches other stuff like car insurance and finding a company to replace the gutters.

If your DH is generally useless though then you’re reasonable to complain.

I’m the person who just turns up where and when I am told most of the time.

I think this is OK as long as he doesn't complain about the holiday. Marriage is sometimes doing things together and sometimes specialising. My husband doesn't really like holidays so they end up being my job. I don't like gardening so that ends up being his job. It's whether the whole picture balances that matters.

Mine is like this and I absolutely love it! I love researching holidays and am very fussy so the fact DH couldn’t care less about which beach in which country we go to next doesn’t bother me, as long as he turns up on the day and doesn’t complain. DH is very into city breaks and foodie trips so he used to plan all those in our pre kid days but with young kids we rarely do them at the moment, it’s more resort type places in which DH has no real interest but he will happily go along and enjoy it when we’re there so it’s all good in my opinion.

I do all the research and booking for new places. OH will often sort of we’re going to an old favourite. And I always make him sort the airport parking for some reason.

Same haha. Airport parking and booking the car rental are my DH’s only jobs when it comes to holidays 😂

Honestly unless you’re super picky, researching and booking a holiday isn’t that hard. Really easy to avoid stag/hen locations. By your own admission you’re fussier than him, so doesn’t sound like you’d be happy to hand the reins over to him anyway? If you would be then I stand corrected, give him the dates and tell him to crack on and get it booked I suppose?
Also don’t know why it bothers you that he can’t remember which holiday was which. As long as you enjoyed it while you were there I’ve no idea why this matters.

I absolutely love researching holidays and deciding where we’re going. I like input once I’ve narrowed it down to ones I’ve pre approved haha

If he doesn’t want to get involved in planning, much easier for you as you get to make the decisions on where and when to go. Get it booked!

I am like him. And I am still the one who plans our holidays. I just pick "good enough" efficiently and move on with my day. And we enjoy the holiday.

I think you might be overestimating how much better your research and planning makes your holiday, to him.

I wouldn’t want it any other way. You go where you want to the kind of place you want!

This used to bother me until i realised recently that he sorts a lot of boring car related admin for me and I’d much rather plan holidays than do that!

I am your husband and proud of it 😀
I get taken to an airport (never really pay attention to which one), get handed my passport and get reminded where we are going!
It's not that deep, there's a funny meme about one side of a couple planning every detail of a holiday and the other one just rocking up with a margarita, I am Mrs margarita!
To be fair my husband bloody loves planning and I really don't care to much where I go so we work well!

I do all the research and booking and planning. But then I just pack my stuff ...he sorts everything out for him and DS, drives to the airport, carries the cases, gets me drinks and makes sure I get time on my own. I'm quite fullon once I'm away whereas he is happy to go with the flow.

I think that if we use the right word to describe a thing, everything will be infinitely better. 'Research' is something that can potentially lead to an important discovery. If you rephrase your question using instead of 'research' 'went online and looked at a few destinations, options and prices', you will see it is unreasonable to be angry at him. You are in an enviable position of being in charge! Be happy!