Is this fair? Dh and holidays

[Emmathedrama]

Every year it’s the same old.

We say we are going on holiday, but dh does absolutely none of the work in finding and researching where to go.

I must admit that I am probably way more fussy than dh. Dh says he doesn’t mind where we go. But I feel like in reality he probably would mind if we ended up somewhere horrible because I hadn’t researched properly.

Dh would just look at a few photos and go with wherever had the biggest swimming pool.

He also can’t remember anywhere we’ve been. So if for example I ask if he fancies going back to Rhodes. He will look all sheepish because he can’t remember which one was Rhodes. He doesn’t know where in the world anywhere is and has no interest in looking on a map.

It’s the same if we are going in the UK. I’m the one who looks up all the daytrips and puts things into google maps to see how far they are.

My DH is the exact same I book plan and organise all the travel for our holidays he just goes along with it all. He can’t even tell you how much our 2 booked holidays this year are costing it’s all left to me otherwise we wouldn’t have any holidays.

If our relationship was equal in all other respects, this wouldn't bother me at all. But from the tone of your opening post, I suspect this isn't the case. Maybe that's the thing to deal with, rather than worrying about holidays and how they are organised.

I’m a control freak and I enjoy research so planning holidays is one of the things I do in our relationship (and we travel a lot). DH does lots of stuff I can’t be arsed with so it’s a win win. I do also think that most women have a better idea of what will make for a good family holiday bearing in mind their kids needs and quirks so it’s often to their advantage to do the planning.

Mine is the same. Husband will often say where he wants to go but I organise everything, plan all the routes we're doing and places we're going to and book all the hotels.

I love it though, I love planning holidays and reading about all of the things to do where we're going. Husband turns up at the airport with no idea what the plan is!

When we're there though he'll ask me where we're going that day and then he does most of the public transport plans and all the driving. He looks after the passports and takes control of everything so that's my reward for doing all the planning!

My DH and DD16 were both saying they fancied going to Japan. I said I wouldn’t go (as I am a bit fearful of flying long distance) but said they are welcome to go without me.

Neither liked this idea and my DD said she wouldn’t trust DH to keep her alive!

I also know it would never happen as he simply wouldn’t organise it. He does have other strengths in the relationship but planning anything, let alone holidays is not one of them.

My DH loves arranging holidays too. That’s not to say I couldn't do it myself, but Ashe likes it I let him get on with it. He runs destinations, hotels etc past me and would not book anything I wasn’t 100% happy with.

It really depends on what he’s like otherwise. I’m fussy and also love looking up holidays so I do 99% of the decisions and booking and such. He does 99% of the garden and 100% of the cooking. I do 100% of the kid logistics. We just work better when we each take a chunk of responsibility and leave the other one alone. He would never have an issue with anything I choose as he likes any sort of travel.

DH, DS and I decide roughly where we want to go then DH does the detailed planning. I used to do the initial research and suggest resorts and accommodation, but then DH always did his own research and ignored my suggestions. He has very clear ideas of where he wants to stay and to be fair, he always seemed to find better options than me. But it was annoying to waste my time initially so I've stopped doing it.

Is that possibly part of the issue here? It sounds like you're much more selective on where you want to go and stay than him.

However, I do take an active role in reviewing what DH finds, helping to narrow down his shortlist etc. And I know exactly where we're going on a map! I can see why your DH's complete lack of interest at that point is irritating.

OH does all of our holiday planning/booking, but never without consulting me first. He will run all flights/accommodation by me and I get to veto anything that I don't like - the major issue for me is usually the size of the bed or lack of a "spare" bed/sofa. I also won't do long haul anymore unless it involves business class - this is non-negotiable. He sorts out any visas that are needed.

I recently read about an amazing hotel on a MN thread. I sent him the link and within 48 hours everything was booked for a short break in September.

We usually do a big family holiday at least once a year so that involves consulting the children, their partners and being aware of school holiday dates for the GCs. He also factors in how easy it is for the DCs to travel (one of our DCs lives abroad) We usually end up with a shortlist of 3 and take it from there.

If I am going anywhere without him, he always seems slightly surprised that I have managed to organise travel and accommodation without his input :-)

My late DH was the same. But I enjoyed the planning so didn't mind and was probably fussier than him. But he did have an interest in travel and different cultures/food. I would hate to be with someone that didn't know where in the world anything was like the OP's DH.

I research the holidays, look at accommodation and reviews etc. I then run it past my husband (and my son, now he's older) and if we're all happy, it's booked. My husband generally will look at travel insurance and car hire himself and book it.

I guess it's fairly equal because we do a bit each. My strength is the destination, accommodation etc and his is the practical side of choosing car hire and insurance.

Is your husband the same with everything or just holidays? If he's hopeless at everything, then I can understand your frustration.

We have a general rule that the person it matters more to does the work. If one of us (always me) feels the work load is unfair we raise it directly and he steps up for a while. I don't care about holidays he does so we don't go as he doesn't do the work. He doesn't care about socialising so I do the work and he comes if I want him too.

I feel your pain.

I try and involve DH in conversations about where to go or where to stay. He always looks bored and says “You decide, you’re way fussier than me over these things”.

Then we arrive and he’ll complain about things he could have changed or had an influence if he’d bothered to have contribute to in the planning stage.

our rule is that if you don't want to do any of the work and put effort into planning then you have no right to whine about the result. Anybody unhappy can do better themselves next time.

My DH does all the holiday research in our house. I basically just pack my bag and am ready at the right time to leave. He does run things past me a bit but I just forget what he has told me. We are off on a road trip around Canada soon and I can't hardly remember any of the places and hotels we are going to. Makes it exciting for me!!!

@ApolloandDaphne

Canada is our next trip too! I know where we are going and that airbnbs are booked, but I couldn't tell you anything about them other than the fact that he ran them past me and they all looked fine.

I would love this - my dh gets too involved and drives me mad looking at a million hotels before deciding on the 1st one