Is this fair? Dh and holidays

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Every year it’s the same old.

We say we are going on holiday, but dh does absolutely none of the work in finding and researching where to go.

I must admit that I am probably way more fussy than dh. Dh says he doesn’t mind where we go. But I feel like in reality he probably would mind if we ended up somewhere horrible because I hadn’t researched properly.

Dh would just look at a few photos and go with wherever had the biggest swimming pool.

He also can’t remember anywhere we’ve been. So if for example I ask if he fancies going back to Rhodes. He will look all sheepish because he can’t remember which one was Rhodes. He doesn’t know where in the world anywhere is and has no interest in looking on a map.

It’s the same if we are going in the UK. I’m the one who looks up all the daytrips and puts things into google maps to see how far they are.

I mean, it obviously isn't 'fair' because you're doing all the leg work to make the holiday happen, but if you don't mind doing it, and it works for you as a couple, it doesn't really matter.
If you want him to get more involved, maybe start off by asking his opinions and insisting on in-put, but beware of making a monster! I felt a bit aggrieved that it was always me stressing over paint colours and fabric finishes etc. for our home, so I got DP involved and made him help me pick things, and now he gulps dramatically freely offers opinions and they sometimes differ from mine! Now I have to negotiate like a schmuck! 🤣

I do all the research, booking etc. DH just gets the cases from the loft and drives us all to the airport.
I much prefer it this way though, he would just throw money at it thinking more expensive = better, but that's often not the case when taking dc away.
He is grateful for my efforts though and I wouldn't completely trust him to book our holidays so it suits me.

If you have young DC and your husband doesn’t care where you go, why don’t you just repeat book what you did last year? No one will care and you know that you were satisfied last year (were you?) . There is no need to go to different places when your DC are small - if you like the location you went to last year, return there.

I think that’s perfectly ok if the person doing all the planning enjoys it. If it’s forced on them by default ( you do it otherwise there won’t be a holiday this year) , then it’s not ok.

I’d hate DH to much more involved in holidays than that 😂 I consult him on where to go, or pitch him on where I want to go but I choose all the hotels, activities etc and just run them past him in case he wants to veto anything.

He does all the cooking, cleaning and most of the packing though so it works well (for me).

I don’t really understand what you’re asking. If you don’t like sorting it, your only option is to stop?

DP is dramatic about the news/holidays so I’m just gonna go ahead and book without him. I’m fuming but I also get why he doesn’t want to risk it and I can’t be bothered to debate it any further.

I hope that's the case. I'm your husband in my relationship. I have tried organising holidays or helping but I spend a crazy time trying to decide anything (and DH is not easily pleased) that DH ends up doing most of It. He does plan amazing holidays though that I'd never be capable of organising so I think this is good for both of us.

I do all the laundry. 🙂

I book all our holidays after doing my own research. I’ll narrow it to one or two and send it to dh for his views. Ultimately I decide. I’m fussier so if I’m happy he’s happy!

I don't think I'd have a problem with booking the holiday but I draw the line at "not knowing where anywhere is in the world".

I couldn't even be friends with someone that thick let alone married!

What's the problem? You're fussy about where you go, he isn't, so you do the booking! You would only whinge if he booked and did it 'wrong'

I usually plan the holidays here however dh does his bit in taking care of the passports, managing everything at the airport, booking transfers and getting us about once on holiday. We both usually pick a country and then I enjoy making a shortlist, comparing hotels, checking where to get the best deal, making an itinerary etc. He then deals with the practical stuff once we get there.

It’s the same in my house and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll rather go where I want. He does not complain. We decide the country well like and I’ll sort out the rest. I think because of the kids and I’m a bit picky, I love to make sure I like where I’m going. In the UK, I choose wherever I like, everyone has always liked my choice so I can say I’m good at it

I don't think every single task needs to be 50/50 shared, as long as each contributes in their own ways. He isn't fussy and you are, so it makes sense for you to do this particular task, which I think is an exciting one anyway, getting to plan a holiday is fun more than a chore. Plus, if he's not fussy and he planned it you might be more annoyed, not enjoying your holiday.

Your husband sounds uneducated and boring, not interested in the world.Id hate that. But judging by the comments on here you are not alone.

Well, he seems like he trusts your judgment to book somewhere for holiday as you say, you’re fussier. The only reason he can’t remember the holidays as he’s a holiday princess.

'He also can’t remember anywhere we’ve been. So if for example I ask if he fancies going back to Rhodes. He will look all sheepish because he can’t remember which one was Rhodes. He doesn’t know where in the world anywhere is and has no interest in looking on a map.'

I'm you, OP, and I'm afraid this really made me laugh.

My DH, in addition to having never booked a holiday in his life, is also massively tight, albeit with champagne tastes. Think lots of 'We are flying into Split again? Why not Dubrovnik?' 'I really think we should look at Sicily this July/August. We never made it there before. Why?'

Perhaps because you turn a pale shade of green every time I have booked a couple of Easyjet flights to self-catering trip somewhere short-haul, cheap and cheerful. And you turn a deeper shade of green every time I have shown you the cost of flights to somewhere more fashionable. I'm not brave enough to show him the cost of a peak season villa in the south of Italy!

I love planning the holidays so DH leaves me to it.

If he was told to plan something he'd go through an independent travel agent to take away the hassle. He did this for our honeymoon and it was fantastic. If you don't like planning, I'd recommend just going to a travel agent and seeing what they can do.

I usually do all the work regarding holidays - last year I told DH I was fed up of it and I wanted him to arrange it all for this year, including where we're going. It's going to be our long-delayed honeymoon, ten years late due to my mother's death, his mother's death, my stepdaughter's death, covid and my cancer.

I did have to give him some pointers as he was getting SOOOO stressed, but he did book it all, deal with the paperwork, transfers etc., and it was quite complicated as we're having a combination of nice hotel stays and a short cruise. He doesn't get stressed about actually doing it - he is a very competent person - he gets really stressed about getting it right for me!

So - no it's not fair that you have to do it all... But if it means you get exactly what you want maybe it's worth it!

You can't really complain about this now, presumably he has never been interested in the world around him-that won't be new.Eithrt take up the slack and don't complain or make an issue of it- but it won't get you anywhere.

I do get annoyed by this too as im you in this situation. But, I probably wouldn't let my husband plan a holiday without me seeing it & i think he knows that. He does all the boring stuff like travel insurance/airport parking & carrying passports through airport instead.

God, I'm a control freak and have the horror at the idea of dh organising a holiday. So normally I would raise a vague question - what do we fancy this year - e.g. Spain, Italy, beach, citybreak....Then i go and find some options all pre-approved by me and ask him to tell me what he prefers, So he feels he's consulted, I get mostly what I want and everyone is happy. Worked for 25 years.

Same, but I like it. DH is an Airport Princess, shows up and asks where we are going. I may allow him to hold his own passport. It's also better for his mental health if he doesn't know how much our trips cost. 😂

If yours has other strengths, enjoy the freedom to get the holiday you want, instead of massively compromising because you want a boutique 5 star in Maldives and he insists on wild camping in Scotland..

He’s not going to turn into a travel person now after not being a travel person for all these years.

If you don’t want to organise it then don’t. But accept that means you will probably never go on holiday.

Not everyone loves to travel.

It is the other way round here, I turn up, he books everything. I won’t even drive a hire car on holiday. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy going it’s that I find the planning too overwhelming and never make a decision which means we would end up not going anywhere!

If you're picky, I think it's fair enough that you do it, tbh (providing he never moans about where you end up).

My dh books all the holidays and I never get to choose where I go. This year Ive refused to go with him as it's all his way. (Plus he's a right misery these days so I'll be glad of the break tbh).
I'd happily do the booking if I got to go where I wanted. I don't think it matters if your dh can't remember where you went, if they're the same type of resort, one is pretty much like the other anyway.