To give sister home truths

[NCNCNCNCNCNCC]

I have one sibling, a sister, who is lovely and I have a good relationship with her. She's a few years younger than me and probably been mollycoddled a bit as a result (including by me). She has a heart of gold but sometimes she seems to be very focussed on herself and not so much when I want her to be around for something. If she has something going on she goes on and on and expects me to be there, as I would want to be as her sister, including a week away for her hen do even though I have young DC and always being out to celebrate her birthday and a recent award she received. When it's my birthday she posts a card to me but doesn't visit, usually has plans the weekend of my birthday (she's been away the past three years) and it has stung. I always buy a thoughtful gift and visit her to give it plus I know when her birthday is so I tend to keep that weekend free as I know she likes me to join in her celebrations whether it's with her friends or our family.

She just told me she can't attend my hen do in May as she's made other plans. She knew when it was as I told her but she's booked a holiday. I was really upset because I thought she'd see it as a priority. It's not a cost issue, and I don't think she did it on purpose, it's as if she just didn't think of it. She didn't even call to let me know, she only told me as I told her my MOH hadn't heard back from her. I told her I do so much for her and I'm always there but recently it seems it's a one way thing. She got annoyed and hung up the phone (but I think she was upset rather than being deliberately rude) and now I feel bad.

I want to say sorry for having a go but I also still feel let down and I expect if I apologise she won't think about what I've said.

To be clear I don't begrudge her making other plans. It's because it's clearly important to her that we're there when she has something going on and I always am but now it's the third time in a few months where I feel let down by something like this.

I suspect I probably am being unreasonable because I shouldn't expect her to be there if she doesn't want to be but then I should have given less to her. She's my only sister so I just don't know.

We are in our 30s before someone says we sound like kids!

😂

Maybe I've always just seen her that way as I love my sister but I think she would do what she can to help me if I needed it. I can't work out if she's always been this way or got worse recently.

Not your Mum repeating a habit of a lifetime by pandering to the tyrant while moaning about having to do it, even though she doesn't 🙄

Your family created this monster by never holding her accountable and guess what? You're all just going to carry on doing the same thing.

Not all younger sisters are like this! I became an aunty at 16 when my older sister had a baby and was thrilled to bits. I adored my niece, which then became nieces. Used to regularly babysit and help out as soon as the eldest was born.

⬆️👏🏻This!!! She’s a grown ass woman acting like a spoiled, self obsessed, petulant child.

She's self centered.

The nerve of her. Don't attend, try anything to stop your mother from making the food. She’s supposed to be a guest.

You won't fall out for not attending. You are going out with friends. Just like she is going away during her own sisters hen do.

When is her birthday?

God she sounds just awful. Very self absorbed. Why can’t your mum say no to cooking the dinner, or perhaps you all should just not go? When’s her birthday anyway? Remember to do exactly what she does - just said a card.

Decline the dinner.
Stop listening to your mother who complains but who has created this monster.

I think there is nothing to be gained by saying a word.
It will only cause drama.
Your sister will act victim and your two faced mother will play both sides while totally being on your sisters side.

The clever thing to do is not say a word.
Just withdraw.
Stop listening to her.
Step back.
Match her energy and live your life.

The alternative is this negativity souring your life in the background.
You cannot change your sister, she is now formed, selfish and entitled.

You don't need to fall out, just step away and make her a peripheral part of your life.
Invest in other relationships.
It can be done very successfully.

Do not apologise!! You have nothing to feel guilty for, let her reflect on what you have said

This! And good luck.

It is honestly shocking, who plans a holiday and misses their sisters hen do, it's so inconsiderate and dismissive and although not at all on you, I'd be embarrassed in front of my friends if ny sister did this. Is noone else in the family or friendship groups saying anything to her? Or you? I'd be stunned if one of my friends or family sisters did this. It's not on