Mediator’s inappropriate leaked message

[ThePurpleJellyfish]

Been hoping to have mediation with ex for a while to sort co parenting issues. He’s been stalling for ages and saying that the mediators are phoning him and harassing him to book his MIAM. Yesterday he text me a load of furious messages. He was meant to have a chat to the mediators (not a proper MIAM) and the title of the video call was -

Trevor has a Tantrum! (Imagine his name is Trevor)

He text me saying I can stick the mediation company where the sun don’t shine, clearly I have been mocking him and laughing at him with the mediators. He said I’m on my own now and will have to sort things out myself. He said do not contact him again, only in an emergency regarding our youngest (he didn’t mention the child we are having issues with agreeing on co-parenting)

I am angry at the mediators as there’s no way ex will consider mediation now. Also they knew why I left the marriage and how volatile ex could be, I feel like they have put me in a worse position now as I’m getting the hostile messages which will have an affect on our co-parenting.

Obviously he was never meant to see their message!

AIBU to complain to them? Ex has blamed me completely.

I believe them. Also, three pigs just flew by my window.

Is it actually real or has he doctored it?

Exactly! 🙈

They also stated that they will not be taking this any further due to us not having mediation with them anymore…🤔

You're not having mediation with them because of this fuck up. Are they a member of a regulatory body?

I would not accept that at all. I would go in all guns blazing. You have given them a chance to explain and they have fobbed you off.

You’re already having a ‘trial separation’! I’m not sure from what you’ve said why you would even consider not getting divorced.

You need to make a formal complaint to whomever their professional body is. They sound like a right load of cowboys!

Next step - look at their website to see which professional body, if any, they are a member of. Then review the complaints procedure of that - it may require you to exhaust all complaints processes with the firm. In which case I would ask them to confirm something like that per section X of [prof body complaints procedure] the matter is now deadlocked this making it a matter under the professional body’s jurisdiction.

Can you name and shame please because they deserve very negative reviews

oh it's not meant for him but it stated his name as the one having a tantrum? do they think you are 5?

i Would reply
The reason we can not continue with this and due to your ‘administration error’ you have caused an already delicate and balanced decision to become even more stressful. Our already difficult communication as a couple going through a separate and a divorce is now even more difficult.

The label applied ‘Trevor has a tantrum’ is so deeply unprofessional that I want to know how YOU are going to rectify the situation, who put the label there and why? Is this how you discuss your clients to each other? I am bewildered to how this even remotely is considered ‘an admin error’. I look forward to your answers and contact from the manager of the mediation centre and would like to know who are affiliated to?

Somebody human created that "administration label" and the same person or someone else, set up the settings to allow it to be sent to a client. Saying "a mediator did not write that" is an attempt at a get out. Anyone who works in mediation should be subject to the same behaviour and confidentiality rules as the mediators themselves and that includes not using biased or defamatory language about anyone that the organisation is involved with.

oh no that won't wash.....that's like a garage damaging your car by screwing up a diagnostics process and saying that they won't do anything about it because you chose not to get the car repaired there.

but that is not directly relevant to the awful service provided by the mediation company. Yes it has made a bad situation worse but I can't imagine any situation needing mediation where this would not be damaging and be unprofessional behaviour.

You should definitely be getting at least a refund for any money you have paid them, as the only reason you aren't working with them anymore is due to their f* up. This is at the very least, as it has also compromised the future op-operation of your ex, and potentially costing you more money than additional mediation would in court fees.

Assuming they are regulated, if they won't correspond further I would take it to the regulator and be looking for some compensation.

Well doesn't matter if it was or wasn't automatically attached. It's their label. They sent it. They caused the problem. So what are they doing about it?

Don't send this. It's muddled and doesn't read well enough. Put a draft together and get AI to help you refine it. You also need to have done your research first on their regulatory bodies.

I'd make an official complaint to them and the regulator. Asking for a refund too..

In a way that’s handy as you can conclude from that statement that you have exhausted their internal complaints process and go straight to their regulatory body.

oo good thinking!

Then you raise a formal complaint with their regulator. This is outrageous on their part. What the hell were they thinking of?

The title is totally inappropriate and not ok. The mediation industry is totally inregulated and this allows for some absolute dickheads in the job . BUT he should’ve refused to use them but then suggested another mediator if he was being a sensible grown up. So it sounds like he is completely unsuitable for mediation anyway. You’re having to adjust your behaviour to work with him - that is control .
I hope you can get some help with either a different mediator or applying to the court.