Right, I know this is terrible.

[Devilsspeckywhore]

But I'm due for a Xmas Eve dinner with my MIL in a couple hours. She is an excellent cook. The thing is, I don't see her washing her hands before she prepares food. I know it's not the end of the world but her food has made me sick in the past and I just can't handle this. What am I meant to do. I can't back out at this point. It was agreed we would be getting a takeaway. I think I'm going to embarrass myself pushing the food about and not eating it. She is always trying to feed me and I don't know how to bring this up !

Not this again.

So it's agreed you're getting a takeaway. How can she contaminate the food from a restaurant, that comes in sealed boxes?

Could you make up a story about being on a very restricted diet for some reason?

Or you're getting over a stomach bug and fasting?

Not washing her hands when cooking is pretty gross, tbh.

I think you need to get some help with your anxiety. I say this kindly. It wouldn't even cross my mind to check if someone had washed their hands before cooking, or even notice it.
You're probably still worrying because of getting ill before, but even then it wasn't necessarily because she hadn't washed her hands.

Because it was agreed but she's just gone ahead and made a Xmas dinner instead and told me at the last minute !

I don't think so because I've been telling her I'm starving and can't wait for takeaway !

So she’s cooked, ahead of your arrival and because you didn’t physically see her wash her hands (how could you have done?), you’re spiralling?

Some deep, calm breaths. You wouldn’t have seen the take away chef wash their hands, would you?

If you have a new soap, tell her it's really nice and she should try some!! Or else you wash your hands and say out loud what you're doing. 'ok, I need to wash my hands before preparing the food and then I'll put out some snacks for everyone'. Worth a try, she might follow suit!

I just do notice it though and once I threw up when I had been eating just thinking about it

If her food made people sick I wouldn't probably say she is excellent cook because that doesn't just happen from unwashed hands unless she was hand digging in... Not going to say what.

I feel like a total bitch I just can't help it. She loves cooking and feeding people it gives her a buzz because she really is very good at it

Wait. Did the food make you sickor you made yourself sick.
If the latter I take back my previous post

And she doesn't worm her pets so that makes me think and worry all sorts

Can you think about why not seeing your MIL wash her hands affects you in a way the take away chef doesn’t?

Ah ok. I get it. If you really think she'll poison you I guess just claim you've got stomach issues so only want a small portion, then just don't eat any of it! You can't exactly tell her what you really think.

Ok so her food didn't make you sick. You made you sick thinking about her not washing her hands. This is definitely an excessive level of anxiety over it. Honestly you need to seek support after Christmas. Even if she didn't wash her hands before prep, the cooking kills the germs.

Both have happened

Yeah I might need to. I just hate this I feel like a total bitch but I can't help it

Any chance you’ll think about why the take away chef (who you deffo won’t see wash their hands) is different to the MIL? It’ll maybe show you how bonkers anxiety can be.

I asked my MIL once and everyone seethed at me. Risky! (Mind you, so is food poisoning.)

Yes you can.

You could help it in the long run if you found some help for your anxiety which you’ve posted more than enough about.

I think you have to tell her. Though today isn’t the best time.

I do think there is a difference knowing someone hasn’t washed their hands, and guessing a take away place might not have.

Because I've worked with food in several restaurants and supermarket processing plants and it's part and parcel of the job to be extremely clean

Take away far more likely to be contaminated by grubby hands! And it’s cooked so i’d grin and bear it. It is annoying when people stick their unwashed fingers in stuff while cooking though.