Right, I know this is terrible.

[Devilsspeckywhore]

But I'm due for a Xmas Eve dinner with my MIL in a couple hours. She is an excellent cook. The thing is, I don't see her washing her hands before she prepares food. I know it's not the end of the world but her food has made me sick in the past and I just can't handle this. What am I meant to do. I can't back out at this point. It was agreed we would be getting a takeaway. I think I'm going to embarrass myself pushing the food about and not eating it. She is always trying to feed me and I don't know how to bring this up !

So you threw up with anxiety not from the food. OP this is all a mental thing and you need to deal with your disproportionate response.

You don’t know if she washed her hands before, or gelled or keeps soapy water in thr sink etc.

YABU

If all the food is cooked and hot and she doesn't put it in on the plate with her bare hands what's the problem? If there is salad avoid it.

So you think she’s forcing you to eat food that she’s deliberately prepared with dirty hands but you’re the only one who gets ill?
Seriously?
Even if she didn’t wash her hands before preparing vegetables surely they’re cooked before you eat them? I assume she’s not feeding you raw meat and veg?

Tell her you’ve already ordered for delivery.

Honestly what is it with this forum and grown women not able to stand up for themselves instead of pandering to other people?

Is it just you who is sick or is everyone ill.
How do you know the people in the restaurant washed their hands. Also likely matters less with food before it’s cooked, once it’s been in oven no one will be touching.

When I was pregnant my MIL was defrosting a chicken in the washing up bowl. I went absolutely insane and told her I’d never eat there again if she didn’t read up precautions on raw chicken. This happened immediately after she’s said she was worried about me weight lifting when I was pregnant as it could be dangerous for the baby.

What's wrong with using as washing up bowl?

"I've worked with food in several restaurants and supermarket processing plants and it's part and parcel of the job to be extremely clean"

I've worked in takeaways and I can tell you that being "extremely clean" is a bit of a rarity. In fact some of them are disgusting but you'd never guess from the outside.

You have my sympathies. My mum is like this. Always has been. Bloody nightmare. Oblivious to hints. Highly offended by anything more direct.

Meh, I would not even notice personally, let alone care.

There are countless inspections and expose showing this not to be true...about commercial food production

Could your being ill after this food relate to it being a change to your usual diet, richer food?

Sounds like something to have raised a long time ago, too late now ...but the idea a take away is safer is ludicrous

I’ve been in the back of a takeaway ‘restaurant’ when they weren’t expecting anybody to go in there. All the raw meat was in cardboard boxes, uncovered, unrefrigerated, just chucked willy nilly in the back room. Flies everywhere, mouldy stuff etc. I’d take MIL’s slightly tinkly hands any day of the week.

My uncle used to work in a fast food place and spit in the burgers of people he didn't like. I can't believe you'd eat a take away and think that was going to be cleaner!

Unless everyone was ill from MIL's food OP it's unlikely that it was her food that caused your illness. Or do you think she just has a magic way to make you sick from her food and no one else?

This is your issue OP and by the sounds of it you really need to get help for it. OCD only tends to get worse over time.

OP make it your NYR to find effective treatment for your OCD for your family’s sake if not your own.

You coukd stick it in the microwave for a few minutes . That kills most things.

I have similar anxieties so I sympathise. What about just eating what's been cooked and brought straight to the table? Presumably she doesn't touch the piping hot food with her bare hands?

It could be worse, I have a elderly relative who insists on making meals for me, but she let's her dog eat the leftovers off everything, plates, bowls, spoons, even out of the slow cooker. 🤮

There are lots of good germs too. I've been tested and have an excellent microbiome so I make sure not to wash my hands when preparing other people's food as I want to spread my good germs to others so they can benefit.

You’re being silly.

Do you sit and watch everyone who cooks for you whilst they’re cooking over their shoulder to check they wash their hands? Of course not. Do you ever eat out or do you only ever eat food you’ve prepared?

It sounds to me like you’ve convinced yourself your mil’s food made you sick once (when actually it was your own obsessive thoughts/anxiety that made you throw up) and now you have a complex about it. Yet you’re happy to eat takeaways? Bonkers.

You need help. Seriously!

Honestly I'm totally germ/vomit phobic, but I'd rather eat the freshly cooked food than a takeaway.. you don't know how long it's been kept, and depending on the take away, rice is incredibly risky for food poisoning. So long as she isn't touching raw meat and contaminating everything afterwards you should be fine. I know it's grim though, but the oven should have killed any germs from coughing or whatever 🤢

Also, I work in a kitchen and although we have a top hygiene rating.. it puts me off eating out 😬

I HEAR YOU 🙌 my MIL is an excellent cook, keeps an immaculate house, has a care taker complex… but we have different standards of food hygiene. I get anxiety if she cooks anything and will only eat out with them, I’ve had a serious c.diff infection in the past and am very careful with food hygiene. Reasons I don’t trust her with food are - when visiting in laws and having spaghetti bolognaise the remainder was left uncovered on the hob, it was still there the next morning, she then scooped it into a container and put it in the fridge. When visiting us she handled some of the outside animals (horses and goats) and washed her hands by dipping them once into the dishwater I was washing dishes in at the time - I had to decontaminate everything. When we went on holiday she was storing fresh food uncovered on the kitchen worktops and it was attracting flies. I don’t in any way think she is a dirty person but a more blasé approach has worked for her and unfortunately I’m not comfortable with it. I would say you don’t feel well and take your portion home. Then you can just bin it.

What makes you think the takeaway chef washes their hands??

Absolutely nothing.

Sounds that we got to the point of language precision
When you say The thing is, I don't see her washing her hands before she prepares food, you don't mean simply that you are not there when she washes her hands. You mean when you see her through the food preparation, she doesn't wash her hands before preparing the food.
Together with the coughing before slicing veg, it means she isn't a good cook, she is a pig.

I'd say tell her in a nice way.
Make it sound as a favor for you, don't mention the past incident, just say that it's a big topic for you, and that you are uneasy when eating in other peoples homes in general when you have control. And that you are pretty sure that she is already washing her hands just fine, but asking her for diligence in this will make you feel better. And make it sounds you are confiding into her.

If it doesn't help, you will have a hard choice to make.